EP3-2 FULL：Từ Trí Thịnh và thế hệ thứ hai của tình yêu và hận phá hoại | STAND-UP COMEDY
I’m not joking. Meituan Flash Delivery will arrive soon. The excitement continues. The two about to face off in the PK are Xiaokuai and Xu Zhisheng. I missed you all so much. This teacher is not here at the venue. Because he had a scheduling conflict. Zhisheng. Zhisheng. So let’s invite his good friend Teacher Xiaokuai to make this decision for him. He will choose on behalf of Zhisheng. I’ll choose for him. Then I’ll choose Business genius. Who is the business genius? Who is the business genius, Wei Daye? I’m the business genius. It’s him. Look. These guys are real brothers. Their brotherhood is strong. Why choose this way? Just punish him a bit. He didn’t come, right? Yeah. I’m the only one in our company. Making money. This life needs some passionate stories. Whether it works out or not, you need to have that drive. And I told them, about our bet, right? A bet for 5% of the shares. Whoever wins between us gets 5%. Whoever loses gives up 5% of the shares. Right, I just said that. It’s a win-win situation. The winner gets more. The loser lets go quickly. Isn’t that right? Yeah. A win-win situation. No one will lose out either way. I really made bets with a lot of people. If I win the championship this year, the trophy will be mine. Zhisheng will also give me all his resources. I even thought about having him promote me. This guy is still playing mind games with me at this point. The landscape and structure of stand-up comedy will be reshuffled. I hope everyone will stay tuned. Things are getting lively. The first person to take the stage is the well-known second-generation developer. As everyone knows, in recent years he started a new business with Zhisheng. In the end, they created an amusing business anecdote. Let’s give a warm welcome to the manager of the Bloom Club. Xiaokuai Hello, everyone. I’m Xiaokuai. Last year, I started a club. It’s called Kaihua Stand-up. So my current role is what, exactly? (The manager) A capitalist. Now, every month, we’re making a profit. Negative 120,000. Soon, I’ll become a minority among capitalists. How so? A proletarian capitalist. Honestly, I didn’t expect to lose this much money at first. Because, as you all know, I have a partner named Xu Zhisheng. Back then, the idea was simple. With his fame and my abilities, This isn’t a punchline, guys. How could we possibly lose money? Later, Xu Zhisheng was also surprised. He said, “Bro, I didn’t expect your abilities would surpass my fame.” A lot of people don’t understand why we’re losing money. Because at every show, we have over 200 audience members. In a theater that seats 1,200. The performers looked at the audience from backstage and said, “Bro, you can tell this is your show.” Because the audience is all sitting in little clusters. They said, “No, you should change the name.” I said, “Fine, let’s call it Dakuai (Big Chunk).” At the second show, why was there a huge empty section? Later, I changed my approach. I switched to a theater with 200 seats. This time, things got better. I was able to sell 40 tickets. Xu Zhisheng even asked me, “How are ticket sales going?” I said the sales ratio has improved. He said, “So you can make money now, right?” I said, “That depends on how you calculate it.” This month, I lost 100,000. But last month, I lost 120,000. So technically, I made 20,000. He said, “You can count it like that?” I still had to explain it to him. Making money is like speed. It’s all relative. He said, “But the speed at which you lose money is absolutely fast.” I said, “Just a little fast, just a little.” I’ve also asked many friends what the problem with our club is. Where exactly does the problem lie? Some say I don’t know how to promote. Some say I don’t know how to operate. Some say people like us, the second generation of demolition families, shouldn’t start businesses. Finally, someone said, “Xu Zhisheng also has problems.” I said, “Tell me more about that.” He said, “Xu Zhisheng doesn’t know how to find partners.” You know, if one person says I have a problem, maybe it’s their problem. But if so many people say I have a problem, then it must be their problem. Because after all, they’ve never been a boss either. Actually, I also really want to be like a real boss and implement some truly effective ways to make money. Overtime, pay cuts, layoffs— they all work instantly. Why don’t I do that? Because a man needs his dignity. I’m a kid from Beijing. Whatever I do, I have to be able to face myself. So later on, I consulted a very successful boss. It was the famous Wei Daye from Changsha Xiaoma. I told him I want to make money but I also want to keep my dignity. What should I do? He said, “Don’t worry.” The next day, he specially came from Changsha and flew to Shenzhen bringing me a solution. He brought me a Pixiu from Yuelu Mountain. I had very mixed feelings at that moment. If you say he’s unreliable, he came all the way from Changsha carrying this Pixiu weighing over 20 jin on his back and handed it to me. But if you say he’s reliable, he put a God of Wealth statue in the office. What was he thinking? Is he blaming me? Blaming me? I told Wei Daye, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but isn’t this just bringing in another employee for the same position? He said this is called introducing competition. It stimulates the team’s potential. I said, no wonder he can make money. He uses scientific management and theology. At the time, I thought it made perfect sense. So I bought them right away. A golden toad, a lucky cat, and a money tree. I put them all on my desk. Now, every day in our office, it’s like a battle of the gods. It got so crowded I had no space to work. I could only work in the hallway. Whenever my colleagues walked by, they looked like a domineering CEO. Later, a local friend from Shenzhen told me, “If you want to turn your luck around, doing this superstitious stuff is useless. You need to take your business license, company seal, and ID card to Metro Line 5 in Shenzhen. There’s a station called Fanshen. Get off there and you’ll turn your luck around.” I said, “Superstition doesn’t work, so now it’s infrastructure superstition?” But I felt something was off about this. Think about it, even if I get off at that station, and really turn my luck around, I still have to take the train back from the opposite side. Wouldn’t that just reverse my luck again? I went all the way there just to go in circles. My buddy said, “Ever since you lost money, your mindset has gotten so much smaller. Why not just take a taxi back?” That month, I lost even more money, over a hundred yuan on taxi fares. But I still gained something. Because when I got off there, I saw ads for Xu Zhisheng and Hulan asking if I needed a cash flow loan. Aren’t you asking the right person? I could tell at a glance that it was still manageable. Actually, I’ve been reflecting too. Why did the club fail so badly? It’s this society. The standards by which success is judged are far too narrow. They overshadow much of the brilliance of humanity. Let me tell you all, it’s only because I see that everyone here today is insightful and knowledgeable that I’m sincerely sharing this with you. When it comes to entrepreneurship, don’t just look at it from an investment perspective. Look at it from a consumption perspective. Then you’ll see how impressive I am. Just last year, I paid for eight sets of social insurance and housing funds. I hired 109 actors. We put on 209 performances. Hosted 365 banquets. Took 396 flights and high-speed trains. Stayed 406 nights in hotels. And it only cost a little over a million. I boosted five different industries. How is this losing money? Isn’t this actually a kind of micro-adjustment to the macroeconomy? And honestly, over a million yuan, a rich person would just buy a sports car. Right? Just to please themselves. But what I bought is a carriage that drives the national economy. Alright. What does it rely on? Isn’t it just this visible hand? On so many nights after a show ends, I sit in the theater, thinking about my big-picture perspective. I open a bottle of Lao Cun Zhang, the national baijiu, to celebrate. It’s real grain liquor—tastes good and doesn’t give you a headache. It makes life happier. As a kid from Beijing, I have to be true to myself first. When I’m happy, all of you on the carriage will be even happier. And I also know And I also know To be honest When it comes to making money in the stand-up comedy circle I’m really not among the top But if you talk about spending money they even combined still can’t catch up to me Let me tell you many stand-up comedians are still working hard to make money hoping to buy a house and start a small family I’ve already sold my house to contribute to the country And I also know in this society there are actually deep stereotypes about second-generation demolition entrepreneurs like us very deep stereotypes They think we aim high but have little ability are foolish with too much money They say our unearned wealth will all be lost through hard work and go down the drain Let me tell you That’s too narrow-minded Everyone needs to understand one thing which is that in this society only if more people like us start businesses this money can flow into all industries and eventually achieve common prosperity You know I’m a little shocked by my own vision Others start from scratch We start off and end up with nothing You know And remember, absolutely do not promote those elite entrepreneurs. Like those from Tsinghua or Peking University, or Columbia. What good does it do us if those people start businesses? Think about it carefully. Things like PUA (mind control), the 996 work schedule, voluntary overtime, cost reduction and efficiency improvement— aren’t all these things invented by those people? There’s no way I could come up with any of that stuff. Because back then, I was eliminated at the bottom in the college entrance exam. How should I put it… I’ve been through tough times. Let me tell you, ordinary people can’t outsmart these elites. At this point, look at me again. After all my careful planning, Xu Zhisheng went to perform at Kaihua, tickets priced at 480, I sold out all the 180-yuan tickets. I didn’t even notice it myself. It was a viewer who sent me a private message. That’s how I found out. I’m really generous. Even Xu Zhisheng gets a 70% discount when he comes. But I said, it’s not about me being generous. Thank the country. I got to enjoy a million-yuan subsidy in advance. So remember this. In the future, whether in daily life or online, if you meet entrepreneurs like us, the second generation from demolition, never mock us, or be sarcastic. Just encourage us, and support us. You should even give us a banner when you have time. With four big characters on the banner. Benefiting the country and the people. You can applaud now. Let me tell you, how funny this script is. Honestly, I don’t dare to say. But I can say this: Out of all the scripts you’ve seen today, this one has the highest value. I did the math carefully. Each word is worth 500. I’ll finish with a 4,000-yuan line. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xiaokuai. Countdown to Xiaokuai’s ticket lock Let’s give Xiaokuai another round of applause Thank you, everyone What made you decide to come back and talk again? It’s just that there really isn’t any solution The only way is to get involved personally There’s no other way Right And also because last season Xu Zhisheng, on this stage talked about your collaboration This season, I also have something I want to accomplish It’s about a lot of things he mentioned So, how is it? He exaggerated a bit too much His is more like a heavily processed stand-up You know? Yours is more like a clarifying stand-up Yes Mine is the original flavor Original flavor That’s so shameless Have you thought about opening that in Sydney Opening these kinds of shops? I performed in Sydney not long ago About the ticket sales I felt it wasn’t really It was okay You could definitely make a fortune in Sydney Wishing you wealth Just for that I didn’t expect Someone actually laughed at my lame joke Thank you, Xiaokuai Thank you Finally, someone laughed at my joke Thank you I think this is his most interesting performance and also one where he did really well. It truly is. He has that kind of deep, genuine feeling that comes from real life experience. That’s how he’s able to craft such great material. But I do have some suggestions. Actually, I really agree that in certain situations, it’s fine to use inside jokes relevant to the occasion. But if you do it too often, I think you could cut back a little. Since you have material you can trim, I think before you finish, about 30 seconds to a minute before the end, if you can wrap it up then, it would end on a real high note. It dragged on a little at the end. Personally, I felt it was a bit stretched. That’s very fair. Thank you. I think the perspective of the piece is really interesting. And the performance was also… How should I put it… It was really relaxed. The whole vibe was very pleasant. But maybe because you’re juggling too many things, you might not have put enough into the work itself. So overall, it’s quite fun, but it doesn’t go beyond just being fun. That’s what it is. So, you know, at this stage of development, the blessing I give to Xiaokuai now isn’t even about advancing to the next round. I wish the Blooming Club can turn a profit in 2025. Thank you. Thanks again to Xiaokuai for the performance. The friend who is about to have a showdown with Xiaokuai This year, everyone saw his acting skills A chivalrous hero A very abstract hero full of flaws Please give a warm welcome to Xu Zhisheng The happy little star Hello everyone I’m Zhisheng Let me talk about Xiaokuai first He’s so shameless And there he is Saying, “I bought a carriage to boost the economy” So who’s the horse then? And there he is again He charges 500 per word I just realized I only got 250 out of it To make matters worse I got rejected by the entertainment industry again this year I was hoping to win the Golden Rooster Award But ended up just continuing with stand-up comedy Honestly, coming back to do stand-up now Feels a lot like You’re in college And someone calls you back saying “Come, take the college entrance exam again” You know? I wasn’t good at it to begin with And seeing my classmates again just makes me lose hope Because they’re all repeat students Last year’s top scorer is back again But doing stand-up is still a really great thing Because it really gives me a sense of worthiness Otherwise, it would be hard for me to accept that I am now the spokesperson for Semir’s menswear brand You know, I really have nothing to do with fashion. I mostly decide what to wear by just giving it a sniff. If it doesn’t smell, I wear it. Sometimes my style is a bit bold. Even if it smells a little, I might still wear it. I call my way of dressing “Xiaoxiang style.” That’s fashion. Forget about wearing it, I can’t even understand the terms now. How come fashion these days has so many new colors? Like “dopamine,” “macaron,” and “Maillard.” What are these? It used to be so simple. There were only seven colors before. Just seven. And I couldn’t even tell two of them apart. And this “Maillard,” who would think that’s a color? When I first heard it, I thought it was about international affairs. I was like, “What is America dragging Germany into now?” But sometimes fashion is just too bold. Way too bold. One time, I went to do a magazine shoot. They prepared a suit for me. But they didn’t give me a shirt. They wanted me to go in with nothing underneath. I got really anxious at the time. I said, this kind of outfit is meant for people with double doors. What am I supposed to show with my security door? Right? When others wear this kind of outfit, it’s to show off their figure. But my lines have all turned into a flat surface. If I wear it, I’m just showing off my noodles. But seriously, they really encouraged me. They said fashion is about breaking boundaries. You have to be bold. So I went in and changed into the outfit. I realized I really did break boundaries. Fashion couldn’t handle me. But I really did pull off the “nothing underneath” look. Because everyone was left breathless. Even the stylist started apologizing to me. They said, “Sorry, Mr. Zhisheng.” We really didn’t expect it would turn out like this. This outfit was supposed to be elegant. But it just had to be you. Do you know what they told me back then? Do you know what kind of effect it was? They told me they felt harassed. So everyone knows, when the brand approached me at that time, how much I cherished this opportunity. Whenever I had free time at home, I would recite their slogan. I said, “Whatever you wear, it’s all Semir.” I even used the Shandong dialect to say, “Whatever you wear, it’s all Semir.” At that time, they wanted me to endorse a down jacket. At first, they told me they hoped to use my inner qualities to showcase the inner qualities of the down jacket. I asked, “How do I show that?” After I went there, I found out it was simple. They just had me play the role of a piece of down. They covered my whole body with those feathers. Only my face was showing. You know, when I saw myself all fluffy like that, I said, “Am I endorsing a bunch of feathers?” That photo at the time was posted all over the streets. Really. Even though it was just a photo of down, everyone could tell at a glance what I was advertising. Because anyone who saw that photo would say, “This down jacket is something else!” And they only put up my photo. I could let that slide. But they also invited Zhang Xincheng and Chen Duling. I mean, you can have three brand ambassadors, but could you not put us all together? If you really want to put us together, could you at least let me wear your brand’s clothes? But later, they did let me wear those clothes. They made a cardboard cutout of me. And put it at the store entrance. It was still pretty awkward. Because the other people’s cutouts were at the entrance too. Whether you know them or not, you can tell they’re probably ambassadors. But my cutout at the entrance, people who don’t know me would find it strange. Why is his photo here? Did he steal clothes from the store? So in the end, what I want to say is, whether it’s about dressing up or fashion, as long as everyone is happy, that’s enough. Just be happy. Now, everyone doesn’t need to rush to chase fashion or follow trends. Because the tail of fashion has already been held back by me. So now, whatever you wear is fashionable. Thank you, everyone. Zhisheng’s ticket lock countdown Come on Let’s give Zhisheng another round of applause Zhisheng is back this time Zhisheng is back this time Compared to last season Compared to last season Has your stress level changed? Much less I’m really happy this time Whether it’s preparing my script Going to open mics Or performing here It’s all very enjoyable and fun Because last year I gave myself a lot of distracting thoughts This year I’m just here to do stand-up purely Happy And have fun Zhisheng is one of my favorites among Chinese stand-up comedians No doubt about it Even in the whole entertainment industry And I really admire him With how popular he is now He could totally be sitting here But he doesn’t Because the four of us aren’t professional stand-up comedians either In that sense Whether it’s his professional experience or his level of fame he could totally be sitting here Absolutely He totally could So in that sense he still comes back here Together with the contestants fully participating from the very first round in this entire season’s competition for this, please accept my deepest respect No I’m truly moved This contribution to Chinese stand-up comedy is no less than what you two have done By losing money, you have contributed to China’s national economy That’s the contribution you’ve made So I really like Zhisheng But last year he was under a lot of pressure because, if you remember when your performance wasn’t great I said some things here Yes I doubted whether you were taking your writing seriously because you were busy But others told me that you were still preparing as seriously as if it were a competition You were very dedicated in your preparation even feeling very anxious even losing more hair and so on This year, you said you came back just to have fun and just wanted to be happy to let go of your mental burdens and just enjoy yourself starting from the very first round and just see how far you can go Yes I really, really like this attitude I’m happy for you Yes But you really can’t be a full-time stand-up comedian like they are There is so much time to create. I completely understand that. That’s why I didn’t press the light. I believe you understand as well. I can understand. Yes. Because today we I think your performance and the joy you brought to everyone totally deserve three lights. Thank you, Teacher Luo. I’ve seen Zhisheng when he was really overwhelmed and extremely anxious. At different stages. So I can tell that this time when he came back you could really see how relaxed he was. And I have a question. That photo of you wearing a suit with nothing underneath where can I see it? I already destroyed all of them. The photographer didn’t take any pictures. Because after putting it on, everyone just hurried to put their clothes back on. I really like Zhisheng. It’s because he’s the person I’ve seen who’s been least changed by fame and fortune. I think that’s really rare. Because I’ve seen too many people like that. Yes. Thank you, Teacher Luyu. Zhisheng just mentioned that he endorses all kinds of things. Every time I come to Shanghai, everyone knows that inside this corridor bridge as soon as you come out, there’s that financial turnover thing. Me too. I saw it this time. Right? As soon as I came in, I felt a special sense of familiarity. And then I felt the allure of Shanghai. On the left, Hulan says “yo,” and then when it gets to Zhisheng, it’s “whoa.” I think Zhisheng was especially happy. You know, right? Yeah. And I especially feel happy for Zhisheng. Even if it seems like you I mean, because you’ve been in so many places and really shining everywhere, but stand-up comedy has always been the main stage. It represents a lot about stand-up comedy. That’s what I mean. Yeah. Zhisheng’s bit today was really funny. Especially compared to the last time I was with him, when he was acting as a host. Are hosts really that unfunny? I could actually feel that on that stage, he wasn’t as relaxed and at ease. He was actually pretty nervous. So today, I feel like he gave me the feeling of being back on his home turf. Yeah. He really shined. Yeah. That precious sense of ease. Come on. Once again, thank you to Zhisheng for his performance. Thank you. Xiaokuai, please return to the stage. The Laughter Team gave a score of 30. 30. The votes for Xiaokuai and Xu Zhisheng are Xu Zhisheng: 249 votes. Xiaokuai: 220 votes. I’m thriving on subsidies First, congratulations to Xu Zhisheng for advancing to the next round Thank you Xiaokuai needs to keep waiting in the waiting area Their rivalry may not be over yet I hope that on future stages we can continue to hear more stories of their rivalry No matter what you wear, it’s all Semir Made it Didn’t make it Made it The audience has already given the fairest judgment We thought it would be an exciting showdown Earlier, the two of us thought there would be a “wait” light We thought the audience would go crazy The audience would beg us to stay Both advance But in the end, both were eliminated The next group about to compete Shanhe Wang Zihan The first to take the stage is someone everyone is familiar with In the previous season the only one to make it to the finals female contestant She said she’s very anxious We don’t know this time what she’s anxious about Let’s welcome with applause Shanhe Hello Hello, everyone I’m Shanhe How are you all? (Good) I really miss you all Did you miss me? Thank you all Actually Actually, it’s been since last year after we finished recording the show It’s been over half a year I feel like I haven’t been able to write jokes for over half a year Because writing stand-up comedy usually relies on negative emotions I don’t have any negative emotions now Because I did so well last year Do you all still remember? I was seventh place (Remember) What does that mean? Eighth place was He Guangzhi Sixth place: Xu Zhisheng The woman who got involved in “Guangdao Zhilian” Now it’s not Shanhe anymore Chu He And now everyone has fans I didn’t expect it either I used to think fans just liked the actor liked me That’s not it, friends Fans don’t just like me They support me They’re so overbearing They message me every day saying Shanhe I absolutely won’t allow anyone to go against you I won’t allow anyone to scold you to lecture you to belittle you I said Are my parents finally being managed by someone? Friends who know me well know I often complain about my parents. I even talked about it on the show last year. My dad uses a suppressive style of education. He always thinks I’m not good enough. He’s basically like my anti-fan. Seriously. Before I started recording the show, my dad never supported me doing stand-up comedy full-time. As long as anything happens in our industry, even the slightest disturbance, my dad would send me a screenshot of trending topics. He wouldn’t say a single word. Later, I sent him the video of me making it to the finals. I didn’t say a word either. But I know what we both wanted to say was the exact same thing. The hater speaks. Last year, I really did well. Then I was honored to receive invitations from many clubs. I got to perform all over the country. I think performing out there is really great. It really broadens your horizons. I noticed that in many big cities, public restrooms are getting more and more different. Seriously. There seem to be more and more sitting toilets. But honestly, there are too few clean ones. Sometimes, when I come across a dirty toilet, really, it’s hard to sit down. Especially in some cafes and bars, and private rooms in restaurants, men and women share the same restroom. And there’s only one toilet. After the guy before me finishes, I go in, and the moment I open the door, it’s just like how I felt opening my math book in high school— exactly the same. I’m not doing this. It’s too dirty. I’m really puzzled. How is it that the toilet is messy everywhere? How did that even happen? Splattered everywhere. But it seems like the internet is always trying to ease our anxiety about this. They say actually, toilets in public restrooms that are regularly disinfected are even cleaner than the ones at home. Cleaner than squat toilets, too. Yeah. I believe that. But I wouldn’t bet on it. What if they’re not disinfected regularly? What if it’s just occasional? And at home, no one squats on top of the toilet, right? But outside, some people do. They use the sitting toilet as a squat toilet. Doesn’t that make the sitting toilet even dirtier? So I still think squat toilets are cleaner. Unless you use the squat toilet as a sitting one. I’ve actually asked a lot of my friends about this. I asked, what do you do in this situation? What do you do? They said they don’t sit either. They have a fixed posture. They do a horse stance. They don’t dare sit down when using the toilet. It’s not convenient to sit down. But guys, doing a horse stance is too hard for me. I’m both fat and short. When I finally get into the horse stance, my butt is already touching the toilet. There’s nothing I can do. I can only do a slight squat. My butt isn’t firm or perky. If I really can’t manage, what should I do? I’ll hold onto that door handle for support. From the side, it looks like I’m about to dive. I even have to watch out for splashing. It’s easy for water to splash everywhere. Sometimes I really can’t hold on anymore. When I look down, I see something posted on the door. “If you encounter an emergency,” “please contact me as soon as possible.” I really want to contact them. But what would I say if I called? Should I say, “Send someone quickly,” “to support my armpits”? “I can’t hold on, hurry up!” Some restrooms are a bit more upscale. A bit more user-friendly. They provide those disposable toilet seat covers. You’ve all used those, right? That thin piece of paper. I’m not embarrassed to admit it. But to this day, I still don’t know how to actually use that paper. Should the rough side face up, or the smooth side? Which side faces in, and which side faces out? Should I tear out the middle part first, or just rely on gravity or something? Sometimes, right after you lay it down, it falls off as soon as you turn around. Or the automatic flush sucks it in right after you set it up. You’ve already taken your pants off, standing there in the bathroom, spinning around three times like Jang Wonyoung. Finally managed to sit down. That piece of paper just stuck to me. It’s way too clingy. But most of the time, there isn’t that kind of disposable toilet seat cover. I can only pull a lot of toilet paper and lay it on the toilet seat. It’s such a waste. As an entertainer, I never thought I’d say this in a bathroom: Sorry for using up public resources. I came across a restroom the other day. It was really high-tech, but also pretty strange. It wasn’t even called a restroom. It was called a smart restroom. Super smart. There was a TV at the entrance. The screen would monitor in real time the restroom’s temperature, humidity, and air quality. It had everything. Except toilet paper. There were 25 stalls. When I went in, everyone was still lining up. Everyone was waiting for the two squat toilets. I was really in a hurry. I opened one sitting toilet and it was dirty. Opened another, still dirty. By the time I got to the fourth one, I felt like people in the line were giving me a look. Stop while you’re ahead, gambler. You’re just following the path we’ve all taken. When I went out to check, the air quality had dropped. Maybe because I cursed too much. Actually, I’m not trying to start a squat vs. sit toilet debate. Some squat toilets are also inconvenient, and not very clean either. But online, the squat vs. sit debate is pretty intense. They say people like us who aren’t used to using sitting toilets in public restrooms are just behind the times. They say it’s all sitting toilets abroad, and the pinnacle of human civilization is the sitting toilet. I think the pinnacle of human civilization should be civilization itself. Appeals are useless. They should be restricted. Sanction them. I’ve come up with a solution. Forget about smart restrooms. Testing those things is pointless. Spend money where it matters. Just make smart toilet seats. They can automatically detect the number of bacteria on the toilet seat. That device is directly connected to the restroom door lock. Anyone can enter. After use, it checks for cleanliness. Only then can you leave. From now on, using the restroom will be like studying abroad. Easy to enter, strict to exit. For serious offenders, it will be directly linked to their credit record. Toilet offenders will be tracked nationwide. In the future, toilet offenders can only use pit latrines. Thank you, everyone. I am Shanhe. Thank you all. Everyone, come, please cast your final vote for Shanhe. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. Come. Let’s hear from Teacher Luo first. I really like Shanhe. This year, I have a bit of regret. How should I put it? I just feel that overall, it was rather flat. Those things related to public restrooms, the awkward and interesting incidents, and then, it felt like something was still missing. So, there’s a bit of regret. Okay. Let me ask an off-topic question. If a public restroom has those issues you just mentioned, those difficulties, have you ever used high-concentration alcohol wipes? Yes, I have. At that time, I think it was the first time I felt that way. I even posted about it on my Moments. A lot of people commented below, telling me to buy those toilet seat covers or something. I did end up buying them later. But when I go out, I really don’t like carrying a bag or anything. I just feel like this kind of thing, why should it be up to me to make this purchase? It shouldn’t be us who have to bring these things ourselves. We shouldn’t be the ones paying for this. Yes. Right. Impressive. Because I really love mountains and rivers. Hello, mountains and rivers. We meet again. Hello. I really missed you. I’m so happy. And today’s topic, about restrooms, for me, I can relate so much. Like when I eat hotpot, spicy hotpot, and there’s a long line of people waiting, then I get an upset stomach, so I line up, and someone next to me asks, “What’s this line for?” I said, “It’s a cheerleading squad.” It’s so shabby. What a coincidence. He must have seen me go into that restroom. Then he knocked on the door and said, “Are you Da Zhangwei?” Then I said to him, “It’s not convenient right now.” “Please wait a moment.” He said, “Okay.” He just waited at my door squatting like this, waiting for me like this. Then from underneath he even pushed something in for me to sign. Actually, at first I was a bit a little disappointed because she started by saying that after I won the competition last year my life began to change I really wanted to hear about that change but in the end, I pressed the light Why? Isn’t the competition about this very moment where you can see as a performer whether my skills are solid and whether my timing on stage She is really incredibly talented She made such a small thing sound so interesting Actually, at first I felt I wanted to listen but was hesitant because it was really too vivid The word “vivid” gave me a sense of imagery And Shanhe’s own charisma made everything that would otherwise sound not so pleasant as a topic make everyone burst out laughing So in the end, I pressed the light Alright Let me emphasize again I ask the relevant public restroom management departments to conduct research And thank you to Shanhe for bringing up this issue through stand-up comedy and bringing it to light Another round of applause for Shanhe Thank you, everyone Next up, is a contestant everyone is familiar with. Her jokes are especially worth pondering. Her entire performance really makes people want to savor it carefully. Let’s welcome with applause Wang Zihan. Hello, everyone. I’m Wang Zihan. I previously recorded a podcast. That podcast just went online. I immediately received a private message on Weibo. It was sent by a viewer. He said, “Zihan,” “Don’t listen to those people talking nonsense in the comments section.” Hearing this really means a lot to me. If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known that people were insulting me in the comments. But since he mentioned it, I had to go check. When I looked at the comments section, I got so angry. I wanted to argue back myself. But my friend tried to talk me out of it. He said, “Let it go, let it go.” “If a dog bites you,” “can you bite the dog back?” I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this. Like, one day you’re just browsing the internet, discussing a movie with someone, and you share your own opinion. Then suddenly, the other person starts cursing at you. You’re about to talk back, but your friend tells you to let it go. “If a dog bites you,” “can you bite the dog back?” So you just swallow your anger. To try and move on, you can only tell yourself, “Yeah, it’s fine.” “Even though the dog bit off a piece of me,” “I’ve grown a new lump because of it.” Look at how my life is going— the lumps just keep piling up. I can’t get any more nodules. I want to be a dog. I talked to my therapist about it. The idea of being a dog. He was startled at first. He only spoke after listening for a while. You want to be this dog. Then he started to analyze it for me. He said what you call being a dog is actually wanting to release your aggression to the outside world. You can start practicing here in this therapy room. Start practicing first. Because this room is completely safe. I’m your therapist. No matter what you do to me, I will fully accept you. So I didn’t pay that time. Now that I have gained this ability to be a dog, I won’t use it often. My current state is to be human when I meet people, and to be a dog when I meet dogs. All I can promise is I won’t be the first to act like a dog. But if someone tells me if a dog bites you, you can’t bite the dog back, I’ll ask them, how do you know I’m not a dog? A couple of days ago, my counselor told me he said, “I think your case of regaining your aggressiveness is very meaningful. Can I share this story with other clients?” I said, “Of course you can.” He said, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your personal information confidential.” I said, “How can that be?” How will they know which stand-up comedian’s mental state is so healthy?” To prevent my counselor from doing unnecessary confidentiality for me, I decided to come on this stage myself and tell this story to friends who need it. Now everyone knows, my name is Wang Zihan, and I’m a Border Collie. Thank you, everyone. Zihan Have you ever thought about adding a bit more for the sake of stage effect, whether in your performance or choice of words, or in your tone? Because it really feels a bit flat. Just a little bit. Actually, I happened to work as a scriptwriter this year. So I feel like my comedy skills are mainly used in my scriptwriting work. And for myself, because I personally prefer even foreign stand-up comedians who also have a rather flat style, or a style that’s harder to get into. So I tend to keep this aesthetic somewhat selfishly in my own performances. Alright. Let’s also invite Shanhe back to the stage. Let’s take a look at the votes for Shanhe and Wang Zihan. Shanhe: 246 Congratulations to Shanhe for advancing to the next round. Wang Zihan will enter the pending zone. I feel that on this stage I’ve truly grown. It’s more about my personal growth. I think this stage has really nurtured me. I’ve become more confident. This makes me feel really good about myself. I’m no longer that repressed girl. I’m no longer that timid type who never gets angry. I’m slowly changing myself. This is a huge growth for my whole life and character. I’m really grateful for this stage. Next group, the two contestants for the face-off are Harry and Qiu Yue. Good luck! Everyone should be familiar with Harry. In last season’s show, everyone saw Harry talk about skin color, race, and cultural differences. But in the live comments back then, what impressed everyone most about Harry wasn’t his jokes, but his muscles. Let’s give a warm welcome to Harry! Hello, everyone I’m Harry Thank you After I appeared on the show a lot of people remembered me but they don’t remember my name Every time they see me, they say Aren’t you that that foreigner who does stand-up Guys I do stand-up and I am a foreigner but you can’t just call me “that guy” And after the show aired, a lot of people said I look very manly. But I’m not that kind of stereotypical “manly man.” I have appearance anxiety too. I’m also afraid of aging. I’m not the kind of traditional foreigner who values natural beauty. I’m someone who has been influenced by East Asian women’s anxieties. I’m a foreigner shaped by that. To look better, I also get cosmetic treatments. Botox injections, Thermage, Ultherapy, I’ve done them all. Yeah. But it feels like no one believes me. Feels like I wasted my money, right? Seriously. And every time I go for a treatment, the receptionist always says to me, “Hello, bro,” “the gym is next door.” I know, because of masculinity, a lot of men don’t want to admit they get cosmetic treatments. After my first time, I even went to talk to Rock (Yang Lei). And then he told me, Harry You seem a bit different today. Then I really couldn’t fool him anymore. Because when I look at his face, it doesn’t look like an ordinary rock at all. It’s already turned into a karst landscape. And now he, along with many other male actors, because of me, have all fallen in love with cosmetic treatments. This means that now I am step by step saving the faces of stand-up comedians. I like showing off my physique. Don’t mind what I’m wearing now. Even in the freezing northern winter, I still wear tight T-shirts. When others see me, wearing so little in the middle of winter, they’re totally confused. I tell them, don’t be so confused, do you want to take a look at my biceps and triceps? I feel like when I get on this stage, it’s not necessarily just to make you laugh. I just want you to give some feedback. Write something. Harry has an amazing physique. My motivation for working out was really simple back then. To be honest, I just wanted to attract the opposite sex. But as I kept working out, I ended up attracting the same sex. Now, guys will just touch me for no reason. First, they touch my arm. Then, they slowly move to my chest. They don’t even ask. They never think they need to ask. I don’t even get a chance to say, No means no. What I really want to say is, if you appreciate beauty, then go work out yourself. Control your own hands. Don’t just touch others at will. There’s a saying from my hometown that puts it very well. It goes, Beautiful things are to be admired from afar, not to be handled. Thank you, everyone. That’s all from me. Thank you. Let’s give another round of applause for Harry. Next contestant, a shining newcomer, and the label that comes with this newcomer is truly “fast and furious.” Please welcome Qiu Yue. (So handsome) Thank you all. I’m Qiu Yue. I’m from the Northeast. Yes. I’m a ski instructor. Thank you. The reason I came here, actually, mainly is because the snow back home melted. Everyone says this job is pretty cool. I only realized after doing it that it really is cool. You get three seasons off a year. But it’s not just about the long breaks. It’s also really dangerous. Last year, one of our ski instructors ended up with a concussion from skiing. A ski instructor. After more than a year of recovery, I saw him and asked, “How did you fall back then?” He said, “I still can’t remember.” It’s really dangerous. So my advice to everyone is, if it’s your first time skiing, definitely get an instructor. Actually, the first time I went skiing was because a friend took me. He took me straight to the advanced slope. He said he would teach me quickly. As soon as I got up there and looked, it was definitely a “quick” lesson. It felt no different from suicide. I basically skipped all the steps today. But you know, if you’re a beginner on an advanced slope, you absolutely shouldn’t move around recklessly. I want to remind everyone not to move around. The first time, I was scared. I kept moving and thinking, “I want to go home.” But my skis got the signal that “I’m taking off!” I shot down the slope for fifty or sixty meters. Not a single meter was intentional. I had no idea how I finally stopped. All I had were two ski poles in my hands. I was behind myself, desperately stabbing the poles into the snow. The more I stabbed, the faster I went. Even the good skiers couldn’t catch up to me. I didn’t know what to do. I wondered how I could stop. Maybe I should crash into someone. Crashing into someone might stop me. But in front of me were only kids or girls. With my height and weight, if I hit them, that wouldn’t be right. But I couldn’t avoid them either. I couldn’t even aim for a boy. Whoever was there, I’d have to hit. There was just one little kid in front of me. I headed straight for him. When I got close, I picked him up. And went even faster. At that moment, people just lose all sense and morality. They just toss it aside. The kid was overjoyed. Again. Seriously, friends, if it’s your first time skiing with two skis, you’ll face the same situation as me. Your two legs will keep sliding farther apart. Wider and wider. Have you ever experienced that feeling where your inner thigh muscles have absolutely no strength left? You slide out and can’t pull them back in. If you keep going, you’ll do the splits. I can’t even imagine how the rescue team would save me then. They put the stretcher on the ground, look at me, and realize I can’t fit on it either way. I really underestimated the advanced slope. I thought falling down would be the end. Nope. The advanced slope just made me switch to another way of sliding. In the end, while rolling down, I suddenly realized that pressing my head to the ground could slow me down a bit. So I ended up braking with my head all the way down. By the time I got down, I had nothing left. My friend said, “Come on, let’s go to the restroom.” I said, “There’s nothing left.” No need anymore. But I’m glad I had a helmet. Helmets are lifesavers. Guys, they really save lives. Always remember to wear a helmet. But I borrowed mine from a friend. He really liked that helmet brand. But I kept falling and scraping my head along the ground. I ended up scraping off the logo. He was really mad when I returned it. The helmet’s round logo was just this small. Couldn’t you have scraped it in a different direction? I said, if I had that much control, wouldn’t I have just stood up? For a long time, they all called me the number one helmet-scraper at the ski resort. It’s pretty dangerous. Seriously. Actually, back in 2013, skiing was classified by the government as a high-risk sport. Then in 2024, our ski resort suddenly introduced a new policy. The policy said this: It said, seniors over 65 years old can ski for free. When they posted it in the group, I thought, that’s way too rushed. I get that the pressure of elderly care is huge. But you can’t just because you can’t solve the problem, try to eliminate the problem altogether. It’s free of charge. At first, it sounds like a good thing. But you always feel like there’s some catch. Honestly, I don’t know which elderly person would go. I asked my grandma. I called my grandma. I said, “We have a benefit here.” My grandma said, “Are they giving out eggs?” I said, “No.” For people over 65 years old, skiing is free now. I asked, “Grandma, what do you think?” My grandma said, “Let your grandpa go.” I really don’t know what kind of elderly people would go. I think only those who are at least physically strong enough the kind you see in the park who can hang their head from the horizontal bar. I think they could probably go. And then there are those who secretly sign up their spouse. In the morning, the old lady will use a tenderness she’s never shown in her life to wake up her husband. Darang, get up, let’s go skiing. If I reach 65 years old myself, I definitely wouldn’t go. There’s no way at that age I could even put on anti-slip shoes. If I suddenly took off my whole pair of snow boots, really, I’d already be using a cane. I wouldn’t want it anymore. A whole pair of ski poles. I know exactly what ski poles are for. The more you poke, the faster you go. I’d end up burying myself in the snow with those ski poles. What are elderly people most afraid of? Elderly people are especially afraid of the cold in winter. They’re also afraid of slipping. And afraid of falling. A ski resort covers all their fears. But this policy might just be reminding everyone that if you like something, it’s never too late to learn it. Right? But at 65, learning to ski, is it really not too late? If you really go, think about it carefully. It might even be a bit too early. I’m actually a ski instructor. I would absolutely never teach people over 65 to ski. Because I just can’t handle it. I have this problem. I can’t stand it when my students get fewer and fewer each day. Yesterday I taught five, today only two are left. The money I make isn’t even enough for condolence gifts. That’s all for now. Thank you, everyone. I’m Qiu Yue. Thank you, everyone. Countdown to Qiu Yue’s voting starts now. Once again, thank you to Qiu Yue. How long has Qiu Yue been doing stand-up? Almost three years. About two and a half years. She performs stand-up in the summer. She goes skiing during the winter season. She collects material all winter. And performs it in the summer. That’s right. I think starting with this bit as her opener was especially good. Because when you appear for the first time, people need to know who you are. The way to let others know who you are is to show them your personality. The persona I have on stage and what it’s like. Where I’m from, what makes me unique— she just did all of that. And her delivery was seamlessly woven in, I think. Thank you. All of her best moments actually started from when she mentioned the story about being 65 years old. There are also many people in this field who are especially good at finding an entry point and then building on it again and again. Five times. Six times. Seven times. Just keep stacking it up. So I feel a bit regretful. First, emphasize your identity as a ski instructor. Then talk about the 65-year-old story. Compared to your current work, if you could add two or three more layers to this topic, I think it would be a perfect piece. It really is. For me, skiing has a barrier to entry. Because I might have only skied once. And that was probably the last time. Basically, I said goodbye to it. And I never even went on the advanced slope. I was just on a flat area with a slight slope. If there were a lot of people in front of me, I would panic. I would I would get really nervous. Then I would let others I would shout loudly. I was there shouting, shouting, “I’m Li Yuchun!” “Make way!” “Fans,” “I’m coming!” Once again, thank you to Qiu Yue. Thank you, everyone. Come on. Let’s invite Harry back to the stage. Alright. Let’s take a look. At the voting results for both contestants. Qiu Yue: 242 votes. Harry: 125 votes. Congratulations to Qiu Yue. Advancement area. Harry will be in the pending area. Everyone, the first half of the performances has ended. Once again, thank you to all the stand-up comedians for their wonderful performances. Thank you to the live audience for your enthusiastic support. Want to experience the joy of live stand-up comedy shows in person? There are plenty of shows waiting for you. The first round of the nationwide stand-up tour is about to begin. Follow your favorite comedians and suggest the cities you’d like to see them in. They might just come to your city. I’m sure the second half will be even more exciting. Take a short break, we’ll be right back.