EP5-1 FULL：Người chơi vĩ đại của Hulan bắt đầu cuộc chiến giữa giáo và khiên | STAND-UP COMEDY

EP5-1 FULL：Người chơi vĩ đại của Hulan bắt đầu cuộc chiến giữa giáo và khiên | STAND-UP COMEDY

The show has now entered the second round. We have a theme for the second round. Is stand-up comedy your spear or your shield? Those sitting in the upper row are on the spear team. The lower row is the shield team. I have nothing more to say. It’s all in this light. When I’m feeling anxious or when I’m feeling down, I dream about those kids I used to play with, still bullying me. They said the red envelope was missing, and insisted that I was the one who stole it. Why is it that even with a decent education, I still have to go through these hardships? He said, as a girl, I shouldn’t walk with my feet turned out. This young man looks quite handsome, so why is he dressed like that? When the show first aired, a lot of people said I was a “prince,” doubting me, saying I was a rich kid pretending to be poor. He’s so much better than you, are you just jealous? Stand-up comedy is how I re-examine the pain I’ve experienced. Watch your mouth and then move your legs. Stay away from me. I’m really two-faced. So what if I am? Why stay silent? Can’t I speak up? He wants to point it out, he wants to bring it up, he wants everyone to know about it. Being able to defend myself is already really, really good. When I encounter those difficult things again, my first reaction is actually “Ah, here’s some material!” I interpret it in a comedic way. Here, we can freely express our own thoughts. I can use stand-up comedy to create a fantasy world. The status of women in this world is completely different. Stand-up comedy, to me, is more like a spear. It’s a spear. The microphone is my spear, piercing through the absurdities of life. I hope that one day I can shoot out like an arrow, flying straight ahead. It’s the lance I use to question myself and the world. A long spear. Am I sincere? Am I funny? Do my jokes have meaning? Not sharp, but I think it can still reach deep inside. In my imagination, it could pierce through the earth. It’s also my shield. A shield. It’s like my turtle shell. I can retreat into it. Safe. It can cover me completely. Humor as my protection. To protect myself. A smile, a shield. Using a smile to fully fend off harm. That beam of light on stage is the shape of this shield. When you enjoy being on stage, you forget about so many things. My shield is the audience’s laughter, time and again, and the applause, stacked together. Like a Transformer morphing, I hold it to fend off all the pain ahead. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the show sponsored by Meituan Flash Sale, “Stand-up Comedy and Friends” Season 2. Thank you all for coming. The show has now entered the second stage. In the first round, we eliminated 17 groups of contestants. But there are still 42 groups left. They will continue to entertain everyone. You all know that in the first round, we recorded for two days straight. Every day, we filmed until 3 a.m. At my age, over fifty, it’s really a huge challenge. Normally at this time, I’ve already slept and woken up. I’ve even gotten up in the middle of the night. You really have no idea what it’s like to watch stand-up for over ten hours a day. It’s terrifying. You could laugh yourself to death. To be honest, 59 groups of performers is really a lot. Right? The audience will get tired watching. But as for the performers, if you don’t want them, you’re afraid the other show will take them. That’s a good thing too. But ever since this happened, after the two shows started, the actors have all become highly sought after. Both sides are competing for them. I once thought, if both shows came to me, which side should I choose? I felt really conflicted inside. Because both sides are good friends. We usually get along very well. After thinking it over and over, fortunately, the other side didn’t come to me. They were really considerate. They didn’t put me in a difficult position. Right? (Right.) And even in this situation, some people online are saying as soon as they see the host is Zhang Shaogang, they don’t want to watch the show. That’s really unnecessary. Don’t let me make you miss out on so many talented actors. Right? Let’s imagine something. Suppose you invite a very handsome host. Then let me ask you, being handsome does attract people, but if he’s too handsome, doesn’t he draw too much attention? Even when the actors are performing, you might not be able to help but sneak glances at the host. In the end, the audience won’t even know if they’re here to watch the actors or the host. But when I’m here, you know for sure you’re watching the actors. Right? Why did they invite me? It’s so that all the audience members can focus their attention entirely on the actors performing. Look how much I’ve sacrificed for you all. Some people become popular but don’t appreciate it When I say this they’re still having little meetings in the back laughing over there So, everyone don’t treat me as the host just see me as a tool in this show I say “tool” do you really have to nod that hard, my friend? My role in this show is to cue the process explain the rules read the announcements and take on some jobs nobody else wants For example, actors often ask me “Mr. Zhang,” “I don’t know how to start my script” “Can I roast you?” I say, “Aren’t you already starting it?” So let me tell you all in this show mentioning me works well So let me tell you, when I don’t even know how to start, to be honest, everyone, I also bring myself up. It works. And some viewers of this show have said they don’t want me to talk so much on stage. Do you think I want to talk this much? If any of the four comedians were willing to do the opening act, would I be rambling on here for so long? And even get complained about? Those four are over there, enjoying peace and quiet, while I’m standing here, carrying all the pressure. Right? And while I’m talking here, I still have to comfort myself. At the same time, on my right side, there are also sarcastic laughs. I know everyone wants to see the four guest comedians, right? (Yes) For example, (Li Yuchun) (Da Zhangwei) (Luyu) (Luo Yonghao) (Teacher Luo) Do you all know I was just asking a rhetorical question. Can you really shout out all four of their names without mentioning me at all? That really hurts, friends. So I won’t say anything more, okay? But let me tell you something now. It’s a bit of bad news. For the entire upcoming season, I’ll be the one opening the show. Alright. Mr. Luo We still need you here to oversee the big picture. Right? You really need to have a sense of the whole situation. No need to be afraid. Just joking, don’t take it seriously. I’m just a tool. The production team often tries to manipulate me and says, “You’re very important.” If I were 30 years younger, I might actually believe it. But I know I’m actually not important at all. I don’t even have the right to press the buzzer. When I speak here, I get interrupted. And people just laugh. It’s okay. No matter how much I say, no one cares about me. I’m very clear about that. But there is one who cares about me. It’s Meituan Flash Sale. It doesn’t just care about me. It cares about the needs of every user. Open Meituan and select Flash Sale. Good products delivered in 30 minutes. Whoever cares about me, I care about them. Thank you, everyone. I’m the tool, Zhang Shaogang. At the same time, let’s give another round of applause to the members of the Comedy Friends group: Da Zhangwei, Luo Yonghao, Li Yuchun, and Lu Yu. Welcome to all four of you. I want to ask Chun Chun a question. Because originally, Chun Chun said she would stay with us for a while. But now it has turned into her staying with us for a whole season. I’m so happy about that. First of all, I think the last time I came to record the first round, I personally felt my inner world was greatly fulfilled. And I felt the food was really plentiful. That was my most direct impression. After I went back, I kept thinking about it for many days. Some of the jokes from that set. And this year, I feel that all the stand-up comedians have very diverse styles. They’re all quite different. Who will win in the end is something no one knows. I really want to spend this summer with everyone and wait together for that moment. Let’s give Chun Chun another warm round of applause. Teacher Da That’s amazing. Last time we said we’d give your comedy group a name. Now with Chun Chun That’s great, I’m so happy. For example, before maybe you all didn’t know, we were called LLD. That’s Lu Yu, Luo Yonghao, and me. We were LLD. It stands for “cheerleading squad.” Then after Chun Chun joined us, it became LLDC. How about DC for Deng Chao? So it’s LL, and Deng Chao joined. We could call ourselves the “long cheerleading squad,” right? We hope that our talk show can go on longer and longer. Changchun It’s always spring. Alright. And then let’s also welcome those who have always supported all the performers and brought endless energy to the entire creative process, the representatives of our writers. Boyang, Haiyuan, Niaoniao, and Sandie. Welcome to all four of you. Sitting behind them are people from all over the country, the stand-up comedy club managers. Welcome, everyone. And on the second floor, from all over the country, are representatives who love stand-up comedy. Welcome to you all. We have a theme for the second round. Is stand-up comedy your spear or your shield? Under this theme, since there are 42 groups left, the 42 groups of performers made their choices. Those sitting in the upper row are in the spear camp. Those sitting in the lower row are in the shield camp. Daguoshou, why did you choose the spear camp? You’re a very peaceful person. I just wonder, who would choose the shield? Using stand-up comedy as your shield seems too fragile. But without a shield, the industry wouldn’t survive. Right, and I also think people shouldn’t use external things as their own shield. I use stand-up comedy as my spear. I am my own shield. That’s great. Guangzhi, why did you choose stand-up comedy as your shield? What Daguoshou just said I didn’t really understand. I think from a creative perspective, maybe as “shield” contestants, we rarely find the world hard to accept. It’s usually others who can’t accept us, and they end up hurting us. Then we respond or fight back in some way. But I think this “spear and shield” thing isn’t so absolute. Maybe those who choose to be “spears” also have a very soft side inside. You can hear it. When we “shields” speak, it’s warm but a bit timid. It’s just that we hope everyone can support every friend equally. Thank you, everyone. Alright. To the four friends in the comedy group, do you think it’s your spear or your shield? Actually, before I came, I thought I was a shield. Because I think my personality and the things I like, including my way of expressing myself, all seem to be more on the passive side. So I felt more like a shield. But as I watched, when they told some sharp jokes and shared some sharp opinions, I realized I also have a kind of “rebounding shield” state. So I think I also have some sharp moments like that. Anyway, I think stand-up comedy should be the spear. Because it’s really effective at “removing hair,” right? What are you talking about? And then, But personally, I think it could definitely be the shield too. Because it can make you more sensitive to happiness and a bit more numb to sadness, right? So today, I hope all of you who are on the spear side can really shine. Alright? All of you can really light it up. And those on the shield side can be awesome too. Both spear and shield, okay? You’re all amazing. So now, let me introduce the rules for the second round. Currently, there are 20 teams in the spear camp. And 22 teams in the shield camp. The camp with more people will perform first. During the performance, the audience can press the light at any time. If the votes are 290 or more, that contestant will advance directly. If it’s less than 290 votes, the vote count will not be announced for now. And the “mic grab” round will begin. From the other camp, any performer who hasn’t gone yet can grab the mic at any time. If more than one person grabs the mic, then it goes to a counter-selection. If no one challenges, someone will be randomly selected from the other camp to have a face-off with them. After the face-off, the one with the higher votes advances. The one with fewer votes is put on hold. If the two tie in votes, and both have more than 200 votes, Both will advance. If both sides have fewer than or equal to 200 votes, then both sides will be put on hold. The team of the winning performer in this round will continue to send out performers to perform. If one team’s contestants finish competing early, we will start the open ranking round. All remaining contestants who haven’t performed will take turns performing in order. They will compete for the last spots to advance to the next stage. There are 42 groups of contestants in this stage. 30 spots for advancement. The 12 contestants with the lowest votes will, after this round ends, say goodbye to this stage. After all performances are finished, the team with the most advancing performers will be the winning team. The performers from the winning team will, in the next stage, have priority in choosing. First, the Shield team should go first. The order of appearance for this team has already been decided by themselves. The first performer to go on stage has voluntarily taken on the opening task. The load-bearing wall of stand-up comedy, Hulan. Shield Captain (Hulan) The first one is kind of explosive, right? Setting the tone, right? Hold down the stage. Hello everyone, I’m Hulan. Lately, I really feel like I’m getting old. Did you see it? That one. The proposed guest list for “Call Me By Fire”. My name has already appeared on it. This is what’s great about stand-up audiences. If you look at that list, among those brothers, there are a lot of big names on the list. Lu Han and others like that. As soon as it’s posted, they say it’s impossible for them to go. Their fans and audience all say, “Don’t tease us with our idol.” He’s not going. But if you tell the stand-up audience, the stand-up audience is especially happy. “Our guy has leveled up!” I’m 36 this year. It’s my zodiac year. Whenever you mention zodiac year, it’s like those people with no sense of humor saying, I really can’t tell. You’re already 60. Nowadays, a lot of people don’t talk about zodiac years anymore. They talk about “bias” instead. Do you know what “bias” means? It’s the one you like the most. In the entertainment world, your favorite is called your “bias”. People often ask me, “My bias is Wang Hedi.” “Who’s your bias?” I say my zodiac is Snake. So it should be Bai Suzhen. The one you like most is called your “bias”. Then the second favorite, and the third favorite, are called second bias and third bias. I said, I can’t even understand Chinese anymore. Third bias. In the past, only my mom would tell me, “If you don’t study hard…” And I think the year you turn 36, your zodiac year, is the most superstitious zodiac year. When you were 24, just think about it, you feared nothing. You didn’t care about any obstacles. 24 is the perfect age for things to go wrong. But at 36, I put on those red long johns early. Whether they work or not, it’s about not neglecting small good deeds. Everyone around me who’s 36 has a pair of red long johns. We all wear them neatly. Red long johns are like a security blanket for 36-year-olds. If you accidentally show them, people will ask, “What’s that?” Long johns. There are so many theories these days. For example, your zodiac year is called “Tai Sui.” Before that, there’s “offending Tai Sui” and “clashing with Tai Sui.” It can go on for several years in a row. You all know, during the year, there’s Mercury retrograde, geomagnetic storms, so in a year like this, there’s not much time left for your own efforts. But I still tried pretty hard. Not only did I wear red long johns, I even went to the temple. If you go to a temple now, you’ll often see four characters inside the temple. They say, “Do not seek outside.” See? “Do not seek outside.” It means it’s better to rely on yourself than on others. You are the most important. Do not seek outside. But what’s really strange is, even though it says “Do not seek outside,” if you look at the temple, there’s always a place selling spiritual items. You often want to buy a blessed string or bracelet. Even after waiting three or four hours, you might not get one. Later, I figured it out. What they really mean by “Do not seek outside” is to seek right here. Just make your request here. Buy it before you leave. It’s easy to buy fakes outside. Actually, you can’t call it “buying” at that place. Request, please. He told me this thing is called “forming a connection.” If you say it in this place, “How do you buy this?” No one will pay attention to you. But if you ask, “How do you form a connection with this?” They’ll tell you that you can form a connection by paying money. From what I see, It’s not about that red string. I just thought that red string looked nice. They told me one costs 28. Two for 56, three for 84. I said, “I’ll take three.” Then I calculated, 84 divided by 3 is 28. If my math wasn’t good, I almost got tricked by you. When I first came in, I was thinking, “Is this Mahayana Buddhism or Theravada Buddhism?” Turns out, it’s just elementary school multiplication. I don’t know how to wear it either. Bought it and took it home. After bringing it home, I looked it up online. It said this thing is supposed to be like this. It said before the New Year, you should wear it on your left hand. Then, starting from the first day of the New Year, switch to your right hand. When I saw this explanation, it was already the third day of the New Year. I thought, I’d better switch it quickly. Admit your mistake and correct it. So I switched it to my right hand. Two days later, I saw another post. It said that this red string shouldn’t be taken off easily once you put it on. I thought, should I really believe you? Isn’t it supposed to be simple? Why make it so complicated? I might as well just focus on my work. Besides, I’m 36 this year. I’m a Snake in the zodiac. Then I met a master. He said, since you’re a Snake, it’s best to stay away from pagodas this year. He said, stay away from pagodas. I thought, stay away from pagodas? Should I also stay away from the Calabash Brothers? So when I came on this show, I felt really nervous. Because our show is called Stand-up Comedy and Its Friends. And I don’t think it’s that your zodiac year brings bad luck. It’s just that in these years, things just happened to get stuck at those tough points. Let me break it down for you. Think about it. At 12, you move up from elementary to middle school. At 24, you graduate and look for a job. At 36, you might get laid off and have to job hunt again. At 48, your kid turns 12 and starts moving up to middle school. I’ve done so many things. There’s nothing you can do about your zodiac year. During the New Year, they told me that I still had to avoid the Spring Festival. Did you guys see that online? A lot of people saw for the first time that you have to avoid the Spring Festival. I saw it on the very day. I said, if you don’t tell me, I would have just gotten through it. Why did you have to tell me? If you don’t tell me, I won’t worry about it. It’s like during the New Year, my mom also told me She said, when we go back to our hometown, don’t tell your brother that your aunt is sick. I said, if you don’t say anything, I wouldn’t even know my aunt was sick. Don’t tell me. If you tell me, I’ll have to worry about it. After a while, I asked my mom again, I said, which aunt is actually sick? I have four aunts in total. My mom said, didn’t you say you didn’t want to know? I said, I still have to know. Just don’t tell which brother. Then, when it came to “hiding from Spring,” the explanation was very detailed. It said it had to be done that very night. On the night of the Beginning of Spring, from 9 to 11 PM. It said you couldn’t go anywhere. You had to stay inside with the door shut. Just stay inside by yourself. It said you weren’t allowed to go out on the street. Because if you went out, you might run into someone whose zodiac sign clashes with yours. Like, someone who clashes with those born in the Year of the Snake. People born in the Year of the Rooster clash with those born in the Year of the Snake. It said that people born in the Year of the Rooster could easily “peck away” those born in the Year of the Snake. I said, how is it possible to be so superstitious and yet so materialistic at the same time? They also said I couldn’t use my phone for these two hours. And I couldn’t touch the computer either. I asked, “Is this also something our ancestors set as a rule?” And if I can’t play, all I can do is read. After reading for a while, I got sleepy again. It said I couldn’t sleep either. Honestly, I was just sitting there reflecting. I thought, when I was 24, I wanted to change the world every day. At 36, I’m hiding from bad luck in my room. A lot of friends often say, “Look at you, Hulan, talking about all this.” “Your zodiac year isn’t even over yet.” “Aren’t you afraid there might be obstacles in the second half of the year?” But think about it, if I don’t talk about this, I can’t write my script. I’m already facing obstacles right now. And you say, talking about these things, might offend the gods. But I think, how could the gods be so petty? I’m not sure, but that’s how I comfort myself. Just think about it, the gods, right? They don’t care about international affairs. They’d say, “There’s this person,” “who mocked us with elementary school multiplication.” “Go check it out.” Some people call it pseudoscience but that’s not really the case. Think about it. When you wear red long johns, in metaphysics, it’s for protection. Scientifically, it’s for warmth. Psychologically, I still hope you all keep this a secret. I think you should wear long johns, and also write your drafts. I’m wearing long johns and working hard on my drafts. I believe my fate is up to me, but also up to the heavens. Thank you, everyone. I’m Hulan. Come on, Hulan. Ticket locking channel is now open. Thank you. Hulan, are you going to participate? Yes. “Call Me By Fire” That’s right. What will you sing? “Between Hulan” “When the Sky Turns Dark” The main point is, seriously, your name was on that list. Me? That list was even released. When it was released the first time, I even said, let’s clarify the rumor. After clarifying, no one paid attention to me. Then it was released again the second time. I said, are we really that unknown? Clarifying the rumor was useless. It happened again the second time. Even just a couple of days ago, it happened again. Your name was still on the invitation list. Maybe they liked your rap. Maybe. I don’t know. A veteran in the rap world. I have to say, his skills are quite clever. Watch my lips. “Yige woli giaogiao” (imitating a rap phrase) Come on, Luyu. I actually hesitated a bit at the end. Whether or not to press the light. I saw your hesitation. Yes. Because my expectations for Hulan start off quite high. I hoped he would reach my standard. And then go even higher from there. So compared to my expectations, there was a bit of a gap. I understand. I feel the same. Actually, my feelings are exactly the same as Luyu’s. Hulan’s achievements in this field aren’t defined by this one light. But compared to his usual standard today, he was indeed a little bit lacking. So I was also waiting. Kept waiting. But in the end, it didn’t happen. I’d like to ask Hulan a bold question. Are you wearing them today? I’m not wearing them today. It’s a bit hot today. And it would feel a bit too deliberate. Wearing long johns in summer— That’s just too— Yeah. Actually, the question I wanted to ask is a follow-up to this. How long do you have to wear them? Until they get dirty and need washing. No, it’s not that you have to wash it just because it’s dirty. You can just get a new one. Actually, what matters is sincerity. Right? Sincerity is what counts. I used to always wear a red string too. And because it was winter, I kept wearing it. But halfway through the tour, it became summer. If you wear a red string on stage, the audience can easily get distracted. So we all took them off. And then, no more red long johns either. No more red strings. But in theory, when we’re on stage, that’s when we need the most protection. But we all took them off. Actually, in our company, those born in ’89— there are a lot of friends who are 36. Hello everyone, I’m Huoguo. I’m a Snake from the year ’89. Hello everyone, I’m Sun Xi. I’m also a Snake from ’89. Hello everyone, I’m Hulan. I’m also a Snake from ’89. Hello everyone, I’m Tan Xiangwen. I was born in 2001, also a Snake. Wouldn’t have guessed. Makes me want to call him “big brother.” Makes me want to call him “big brother.” The first time he heard me tell this joke, he was outdoors and just lifted his pants to show me his red long johns. My suggestion is, next time, let’s not be so formal. Let’s not be so formal. If there are outsiders around, If there aren’t any outsiders, I used to have a red string. But later, because of performances, it distracted the audience. So I took it off. I’m wearing it. A red string. There’s a little golden snake on it. There’s a little golden snake on it. Xu Haolun gave it to me. Now I feel even more anxious. It’s just that I realized when I turned 36, I was upset for quite a while. And in your whole life, how many zodiac years do you actually get? Why are we suddenly talking about this? I’m not trying to spread anxiety. Wait a second. I’m only 24. Why do I feel like you’re scaring me away? Is 36 really that scary? I’m about to cry. The main point of today’s interview is for the three of us to scare you. That’s the main goal. Will someone collapse here? Just fall down with a thud right here. Alright. After all the lights have been filmed, let’s take a look at the number of votes Hulan received. Hulan didn’t get more than 290 votes. So now it’s time for the mic grab. This is so exciting. This is way too exciting. Now we can stand up. Go ahead and stand. I’m not standing. I really want to stand but don’t have the courage. Who wants to stand for Hulan? I don’t think anyone in our group dares to stand. Are you standing or not? Guys, Xiao Qi is drinking water. Alright, actors from Group 20 of the Spear Team, please grab the mic. Daguoshou Seven Seven Tell us your reason first. Actually, before I came on the show, even during offline performances, I’ve always really liked Hulan. I’ve also imagined whether I could compete with Teacher Hulan. I hope I can seize this opportunity. Alright, Daguoshou. I think the show is about the strong facing the strong. It’s pretty entertaining. And in the last round, I was stronger than Seven. Daguoshou is so competitive. I just realized he really is from the Spear Team. So, Hulan, between Seven and Daguoshou, who do you choose? I choose Daguoshou. Because I originally thought I’d pick whoever stood up first. I’ll stick to this principle for everyone. Then we’ll choose Daguoshou. Alright. Seven, take a break. Let’s warmly welcome from the Spear Team, the first outstanding stand-up comedian, who tells stories slowly and thinks deeply. Please give a round of applause for Daguoshou. Hi (Hi) Hello everyone, I’m Da Guoshou Last year I talked about my boyfriend He got into an accident riding my motorcycle I didn’t have any money either So I struggled with whether to insure the person or the bike I was really worried at the time After the show aired, people online said I was heartless But I didn’t expect They called me irrational They said I was blinded by love Is wanting to insure the person really being blinded by love? Then what counts as being rational? How do you avoid being called blinded by love? I should fix the bike first Then ride it and run over my boyfriend The traffic cop came and asked if I was drunk I said no I’m especially clear-headed right now He asked if I was the owner of the bike I said no I’m the main female lead To be honest, we’d been dating for two years, and the feelings had faded. But when people online started criticizing, I got a bit rebellious. Just love. Just love. Love, even if it kills me. Even if I don’t love anymore, I’ll force myself to love. Forced love. I love it so much. You can tell I’m still a bit defiant about being criticized. What should I do? So I clicked into one of the commenters’ profiles. I was a bit surprised. He said he wanted to read “Misogyny.” I thought, do you even need to read it? You’ve already mastered it. You’ve already mastered it. But I really used to be obsessed with love. To be precise, obsessed with secret crushes. Back in college, I met someone in a WeChat group. We argued over something at the time. I said to him, “I really don’t know how your mom gave birth to you.” He replied, “It’s not something to tell outsiders.” At that moment, I thought, So clever. So witty. Finally, someone who could match me. An equal opponent. Let’s get married tomorrow. So I added him on WeChat. We’d chat from time to time. But I never dared to confess. Because I still had a crush on someone else. When I was young, I thought having a secret crush was like buying a lottery ticket. If you have the means, you buy as many tickets as you can. But I never dared to actually redeem them. First, I was afraid of failing completely. Second, I was afraid of succeeding completely. All my life, I only dared to have secret crushes. Because the way I was raised taught me that girls shouldn’t take the initiative, they should be reserved. My elementary school teacher once told a story about a female writer who asked Bing Xin how to find love. Bing Xin said, “Don’t look for it, just wait.” The writer waited until she was fifty. When I grew up, I looked it up. Bing Xin got married at twenty-nine. They say in the past, everything moved slowly. Love was slow too. But she got married pretty quickly. Life is short. I don’t want to wait. I want to take the initiative. Who would have thought that as soon as I did, I got scolded. After being scolded, I reflected on myself. On my own emotional situation. My boyfriend and I met in a cultural space. A cultural space is basically a homeless shelter. He’s from Xi’an. He’s a musician. When we first got together, there was a female fan who liked him. She sent him a message on WeChat. She asked him, “What should I do if the person I like already has a girlfriend?” My first reaction was anger. But then I thought about it. This girl also has the right to pursue love. As a modern woman, I can’t have that “wife fighting the mistress” mentality. So I hit my boyfriend instead. From the way I did it, you can tell he’s not very tall. He makes me feel very safe. I scolded him while hitting him. He couldn’t argue back, so he just played the piano. To vent his feelings. He played “Kill That Shijiazhuang Man.” But I’m from Shijiazhuang. It made me laugh out of anger. I asked him, “How are you going to kill me?” He said he’d go home and send the Terracotta Warriors to beat me up. He’s really such an immature guy, right? But there’s nothing I can do. I am a hopeless straight woman. When it comes to dating, I can only choose the lesser of two evils. Either find a guy, or don’t find one at all. I can’t not look. I can’t resist it. I’m an adult. Every day I’m tired, exhausted, broke, and hungry. I need love. Even when I’m not in a relationship, I’ve still fallen for several people. I think I’m pretty clear-headed. But now some people online think that women are only clear-headed if they don’t get married or date. By that logic, the most clear-headed person is Abbess Miejue. She doesn’t date herself, and doesn’t let others date either. Her disciple Ji Xiaofu fell in love with Yang Xiao. Miejue told Ji Xiaofu to kill Yang Xiao. Ji Xiaofu refused. Miejue killed Ji Xiaofu with a single blow. That’s way too clear-headed. Clear-headed to death. So now when someone asks about my relationship status, I always observe their reaction first before deciding what to say next. If they show a look of disdain, I quickly say, “Oh, it’s nothing,” “I’m just having some fun, that’s all.” It’s really hard being a woman. Before, I was told to be reserved. Then they said women should take the initiative. But when I did, they said I shouldn’t be in a relationship. I just feel like the old rules haven’t even been broken yet, and new ones are already being set up. It’s not that I can’t keep up with the times, I just can’t keep up with all the rules. Every day I live in constant anxiety. I don’t know which will come first, tomorrow or extinction. Feels like extinction will come tomorrow. I understand why some people criticize “love brains,” because they’re afraid women will be exploited in relationships. But insulting them isn’t the right way. The reason why someone is “love-brained” and gives endlessly to get love is because they’re lacking love. So if you really care about her, don’t scold her. Love her. Love her more than her boyfriend does. Love her enough to wake her up. She’s an adult, struggling every day, tired, poor, and hungry. She needs love. Of course, you don’t have to love. Not love. But please don’t hurt. I really can’t stand those rules anymore. Right now, I just want to ride a motorcycle. And crash through them. The traffic police came and asked if I was drunk. I said no. I’m especially clear-headed right now. They asked if I was crazy. I said no. Girls like us are the real normal ones. That’s all, thank you everyone. The ticket reservation channel for Grandmaster is now open. Why did Grandmaster this time… …decide to write this article? Because actually, last year… I think the main reason for being criticized was very illogical. It was just absurd. And at first, I also wanted to write about this. Would it just make netizens even angrier? But then I thought, forget it. Just write about my real feelings. Because, I still want to be true to myself. Being yourself doesn’t mean someone will love you. But there will always be people who hate you. But that’s just life. Now, we many girls face a new dilemma. It’s that boys will openly say, “I’m totally obsessed with love.” “Being in love is wonderful.” But when you ask me this question, as a woman, I instinctively say, “I can’t say that.” Otherwise, it makes me seem less progressive. So I think this show actually highlights this issue. We’ve broken many old rules, but now there are new ones. Thank you, Ms. Luyu. Teacher Luo didn’t press the light. Since the last season, I’ve really liked Da Guoshou. But didn’t she get eliminated in the first round last season? Second round. The second round. She left in the second round. So I’m especially worried that last year’s situation will happen again. I really like the way you expressed that. But the density of jokes and such is a bit lacking. Anyway, because I’ve been given this so-called big-picture perspective, I didn’t press the light. But I’m really afraid you’ll leave in the second round. I hope not. I think Da Guoshou Anyway, she looks thin and small, but actually, just like the team she chose, she’s like a spear. And she has a subtle sharpness about her. So I think, actually, life is about your own experiences and the accumulation of those experiences. Whether or not it’s so-called “love brain,” I think it should be something you experience for yourself. Thank you, Teacher Chun Chun. I’m just really curious. Because I’m curious about the experiences of mature women. I’m just really curious. Is Chun Chun someone who gets obsessed when in love? I… I don’t know. Actually, I… I’m not really that… I don’t think I’m that kind of person. I feel like because I need to think about this question carefully. Love music, love everything. Everything in this world can be loved. Right? There are so many things you can love. So, Teacher Da, are you someone who gets obsessed when in love? I totally am. Is Thai massage good? What is this? I think people who call others “love-brained” are the ones who are actually brainless. Falling in love is such a beautiful thing. Why would you say that if it’s meant to happen, it will? Why call it being too blind? Right? Because it’s truly precious. To love someone, when there are so many people in the world, seven or eight billion people, and you’re just one of them in everyone else’s eyes, but to one person, you’re the only one. Isn’t that a wonderful thing? So I think this whole “love-brained” thing is something I’ve always been against. Just this way of saying it. I really want to hear what Teacher Niaoniao thinks. I really want to hear what Teacher Niaoniao thinks. It’s impressive that Daguoshou can express such direct opinions. I find it quite surprising. Because I think having more discussion on certain topics is actually a sign that what we can talk about has become richer. And I think I feel pretty much the same as Daguoshou. It seems like people around us often express their love in a controlling way. That’s how they show their love. But maybe we, as individuals, need more care and attention. Once again, thank you to Daguoshou for the wonderful performance. At the same time, let’s invite Hulan back to the stage. Let’s take a look. Hu Lan and Da Guoshou. Their vote counts are, respectively, Trust in Brother Hu Lan. Congratulations to Hu Lan for advancing to the next round. Da Guoshou will have to come back and keep waiting. Really great. It’s okay. You were really amazing. Amazing. Teacher Shou was amazing. You were amazing. Actually, right now, a lot of people feel that many people online are saying if you fall in love, you’re no longer independent. No matter what you do, even when she gave examples, I’m clear-headed. I think that’s really great. I’m just clear-headed. I know what I’m doing. I think it’s brave of Da Guoshou to say this. Her intentions are actually good. I think she’s trying to free women from constraints. I think in the past couple of years, feminism or rather, the shackles of being an “independent woman,” have made people a bit twisted, in my opinion. Getting married is seen as betraying feminism. If you have children, then you are immediately Falling into the abyss of sin I think true feminism is allowing any woman to live happily and freely and choose her own life Do you regret supporting Hulan? No, I don’t regret it Break during the middle of the competition Then Hulan was also happy to see me I was also happy to see him Then everyone hugged It was really joyful I just feel playing with people you like competing with good people, yes is enjoyable Yes Because I’m much taller than her So when we put our arms around each other’s shoulders we look just like those comic book characters like the Hulk Why did you choose me? So now the Shield team will send out the next performer This friend, in the last round during the competition shared with us his experience with outsourcing work Now about the workplace he still has something to say Let’s welcome Hou Zhiyuan Hou Zhiyuan Hello, everyone. Hi, everyone. My name is Hou Zhiyuan. I usually have a regular job. I took a day off to come here today. I really hope I can keep my current job. Because I don’t want to go through interviews again. I just feel that companies’ interview methods these days are getting more and more varied. When I was looking for a job before, I went to a lot of interviews. And among all the types of interviews, the one I hate the most is called a group interview. Even the name sounds weird. The first time I heard it, I thought it meant in a WeChat group. I wondered, how do you interview in a group chat? Is it about grabbing red envelopes? Group interviews also have another name, called “leaderless group discussion.” That name sounds even weirder. Leaderless? What kind of group discussion Friends, I don’t know about you, but in our leaderless group discussions, we basically always end up discussing leadership. The group interview gives you a topic, and everyone discusses it in small groups. The group interview I attended had ten people in each group. Only one out of ten would advance. It’s harder than grabbing a red envelope. With such an elimination rate, it’s especially easy to bring out the darker side of human nature. I specifically looked up the key points they assess in group interviews. First is teamwork. You can’t just refute others easily. So when I heard some people trying to show off and talking nonsense, what I was thinking was, “Why are you barking like a dog?” But when the words reached my lips, they turned into, “I agree with his point,” “and I’d like to add something.” This technique is called “yes, and.” Translated, it means one thing to your face, another behind your back. Secondly, leadership is also very important. So throughout the entire interview process, what everyone shows is “I want to actively integrate into this team.” But what they’re really thinking is “I want to quickly take over this team.” So-called leaderless group discussions— I end up leading the group discussion. The scene gets chaotic. It’s just like a bunch of dogs fighting over a single bone. What I fear most in group interviews is that kind of teammate who’s desperate to show off. At the time, we were still in the meeting room waiting for the interviewer to arrive. The guy next to me couldn’t hold back his urge to show off. He leaned over and asked me, “Xiao Hou, which school did you graduate from?” I said, “Which school? We’re all here for a group interview, man, we’re all here to be dogs, why do you have to ask about my breed?” So I didn’t bother with him. But unexpectedly, the people around us all started introducing themselves. “I’m from Jiaotong University.” “I’m from Beihang University.” “I’m from Beijing Institute of Technology.” Who asked you guys? But as soon as I heard that, I knew it was bad. Guys, they’re all pedigree dogs. I’m just a nobody from a second-tier university. But that guy asking questions was even tougher. He was from Tsinghua. I thought, why is there a wolf here? This “wolf bro” really stood out. After asking about our schools, he started asking about our internship experience. The more I listened, the worse I felt. They had all interned at big companies. Guys, I went to college in a small county in Northeast China. That’s where I studied. We didn’t really have the concept of internships there. At most, it was called work-study. It was only that day that I learned that interning early is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation. Because Confucius once said, “One must study and put it into practice.” What that means is after you finish studying, you have to do an internship. I didn’t really listen to Confucius. The school wasn’t very good either. So I just kept quiet the whole time. That way, no one knew I was a nobody. They all thought I was cool. Then the interviewer arrived. That was when the real self-introductions began. Things got even more chaotic. Everyone wanted to be remembered by the interviewer. So a normal introduction just couldn’t make you stand out. But one classmate’s self-introduction left a lifelong impression on me. He said, I want to use three colors to introduce myself. I have the passion of red, the creativity of yellow, and my base color is green, which stands for empathy. After I heard his introduction, it felt like out of the ten people in the group, only nine were left. Because he was showing off. He was still pretending to be that kind of traffic light. After he finished his introduction, the whole room fell silent. Everyone was stunned by his enthusiasm. No one dared to move. The red light came on. The topic for my group interview was very bold. They asked, If you were Tang Seng, on the journey to the West to fetch the scriptures, and you had to choose three out of six disciples to take with you, who would you choose? The six people are: Lü Bu, Li Kui, Lin Daiyu, Zheng He, Newton, and Watt. They asked which three you would take. And why. I wanted to ask that too. Why? What about my original team? Where’s my Monkey King? The key is, these people aren’t even from the same universe. How is this a scripture-fetching team? Are we allowed to bring in people on loan now? I’m Tang Seng. You guys are selection monks, right? How do you even answer this question? Even Brother Lang was silent. Even the traffic light was frustrated. His yellow light, which represented creativity, stopped blinking. How should I choose? If I pick Lü Bu, Li Kui, and Lin Daiyu, it’s like making a combined edition of the Four Great Classical Novels. The problem is, Lü Bu likes to betray his lord. Li Kui is only loyal to Song Jiang. Only Lin Daiyu is reliable. But she’s always calling in sick. No one can actually help me on my pilgrimage. But they could all send me to the Western Paradise. Then I’ll pick Zheng He, Newton, and Watt. Feels like the Tang Monk doesn’t want to go to the Western Paradise anymore. He wants to sail the Western Seas instead. Pairing Zheng He with two great inventors, I get the feeling the Age of Exploration is about to begin. We’ll sail a steamship straight to the Great Thunderclap Monastery. Then the Buddha himself will personally grant me the title of King of the Pirates. Crazy. These six disciples of mine are really very outstanding. It’s really hard to choose. So after discussion, we decided to let all six of them do a group interview first. We will pick the three who perform best to take with us. As for the other three, they’ll be outsourced. This way, we save on company labor costs and maximize the company’s benefits. The interviewer was very satisfied. He said each of us performed beyond his expectations. Then, he let the most educated, Brother Lang, pass the interview. So what were you even interviewing for? He didn’t say anything except for his self-introduction. At that moment, I finally understood the group interview question. Journey to the West to fetch the scriptures. You can take three disciples out of six. The question is: Who graduated from Tsinghua University? After participating in many group interviews, I haven’t improved my abilities at all. But my moral standards have skyrocketed. Now, I am firmly against animal performances. I’ve started to empathize with them, you know? There’s a slogan from an animal protection organization that I really like. It says, “The little bear doesn’t want to ride a bike,” “the puppy doesn’t want to jump through hoops.” I want to add one more line: “The little monkey doesn’t want to do group interviews anymore.” That’s all I have to say. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Thank you. Come on. Hou Zhiyuan’s ticket-locking channel. Xiao Hou, do you have a lot of interview experience? I have a lot of interview experience. But not much experience actually passing them. Are there interviews more ridiculous than group interviews? I once had an interview where the interviewer was very young. He was only two years older than me. After I went in, he kept humiliating me. He said, “I’m only two years older than you, but I’m sitting here, and you’re sitting there. It shows that young people still need to work hard.” You should tell him, “But you’re more childish than me.” How would you answer that? Such a ridiculous question. I said I would keep working hard. Because I’m more of a shield type, I’m not very good at attacking. But it’s really hard to say about this. For example, I don’t know about that person who’s two years older than you, the one who made you uncomfortable. What position were you interviewing for? Product position. Then that’s definitely ridiculous. But what if it was a customer service position or something like that? Maybe they just wanted to see if you get angry easily. A stress interview. Right. So sometimes it’s hard to say. But overall, I’ve seen a lot of HR people from big companies who like to do this. Then I have to ask, just now, you hesitated to press the button. Yes. That’s also a kind of interview technique. No, no. I’m not that scheming. I wasn’t implying anything. I just kept hesitating because I feel that this piece is still a bit lacking in completeness. But there are a few clever twists in the middle. They’re really interesting. Yes. So if we had three lights, I wouldn’t have pressed the button. I saw there were two lights. So I hesitated for a moment and then pressed it. That’s why I hesitated. It’s not about trying to manipulate him. Thank you. Chun Chun, which one impressed you the most? The first one for me was “Learning and Internship.” But the one I liked the most was the one where he mentioned Tang Seng’s six disciples. And these six people, these six people, because it was just so chaotic, I think the design of this part makes the absurdity of the group interview even more pronounced. It’s amplified. Yes. He has a very gentle a gentle kind of sharpness, you know? Yes. He sounds very calm when he speaks, but there’s a lot of strength inside. And it’s actually really fierce. And workplace topics have been talked to death. But every time, he manages to bring something new. Yes, that’s especially valuable. Thank you. Go ahead, Luyu. I didn’t press the light. Actually, I think you spoke well. And I think your jokes were packed in. But by the end, there was a feeling I couldn’t shake off. Why? Because this group interview was especially absurd. It’s the person who set the topic that’s absurd. But the absurd examples you gave were about the people participating in the group interview. Right. But later I understood why you said it that way. It’s because you wanted to say they’re all dogs. Do we still need to distinguish between different types? Because you need to wrap it up in the end. I don’t want to act like an animal. But you need to resolve it. As a member of the audience, how are my emotions supposed to be resolved? I understand. Actually, this Previously, I talked about this with the scriptwriter and friends. I’ve brought up this issue before. It’s just that I only mentioned the scene that was difficult for me. But I didn’t fight back. I didn’t resolve those feelings. But in reality, I was there as just another animal. I didn’t fight back. I just went home. I went back to wait for the interview notice. And then he still didn’t notify me. That uncomfortable feeling just stayed like that. I couldn’t get rid of those feelings. So in the end, I actually chose to leave it there. That is this is my personal experience. Leaving it there. Alright, let’s take a look at Xiao Hou’s score after this round of performance. The number of votes he received. Please look. The lights from the Smile Friends group. 30 votes. The final vote count is Because we didn’t reach 290 votes so now the Mao team will start the mic-grabbing round Countdown You two Xiao Hou, what’s your choice? Then I’ll choose Wang Ying The choice is Wang Ying Good luck This actor doesn’t smile much but it’s easy for them to hide a knife behind a smile Let’s welcome with applause Wang Ying Hello, everyone. My name is Wang Ying. I’m someone who is obsessed with love. My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. In these four years, I’ve never lost my temper without reason. It’s really hard. I’ve always had a reason when I get angry. The main reason I get angry is because my boyfriend doesn’t speak very nicely. We had only been together for a month when one time he suddenly stared at me. After looking for a while, he said, “I noticed you’re a bit bald.” “Your hairline is a bit high.” I got a little angry. I took his hand and said, “I noticed your lifeline is a bit short.” He realized I was angry and started making excuses. Usually, it’s “It was just a joke!” “Why are you still mad?” Listen to this, is this really a joke? That’s just being blunt. He realized that using the “just joking” excuse couldn’t calm me down. Then he would ask, “So what do you want?” Honestly, every time I hear that question, I get even angrier. What do I want? I want time to go back ten minutes, to when you looked at me, and I would tell you, “Just look at my head.” I wish time could go back to four years ago. When you confessed to me, I told you to get lost. But if you want something that can actually happen, I hope you can now kneel down and bow to me three times. He also really hates trouble. The two of us are already living together now. One time when he was coming home, I asked him to stop by somewhere and bring something back for me. But he came back empty-handed. The first thing he said to me was, “Oh, I forgot.” I asked, “Did you forget on purpose because it was too much trouble?” You did it on purpose, right? He said, “Yes.” But it wasn’t a guilty “yes.” It was a surprised kind of “Yes! How did you know?” He didn’t feel like I exposed him. He felt like I understood him. When it comes to being afraid of trouble, what I can’t stand the most is sometimes after an argument, I want to go over what happened, so we don’t keep arguing over the same thing. But he thinks reviewing things is too much trouble. There’s nothing in this world that can’t be solved with a witty remark. If there is, then it’s because the remark wasn’t witty enough. Because of this, I was honestly a bit troubled. Later, I chatted with a guy. He said he was also really afraid of this process. Every time he and his girlfriend reviewed things, all he could think was, “If you could just slap me right now and that would solve the problem, then go ahead and hit me.” After hearing that, I suddenly understood. His girlfriend couldn’t solve it, but I could. Later, there was a time after my boyfriend and I argued, I told him, “If you really don’t want to talk about this, I can just slap you right now.” He thought about it for a long time and said, “I think some things we still need to talk through.” I really scold him for all sorts of reasons. One time, he couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Can we talk things out nicely?” “Stop always yelling at me.” I told him, “Get this straight,” “It’s not that I can’t talk nicely,” “I just have to scold you.” “Actually, I want to kill you,” “but I only scold you.” Now, I don’t believe those inspirational quotes online anymore. Like, “Getting angry doesn’t solve problems,” “it only creates more problems.” “You need to think about what your goal is.” Goal? My goal is to create problems. I also can’t really understand those old tips for girls about dating or advice on managing a marriage. I really can’t do it. For example, if your boyfriend upsets you outside, you’re told not to get angry. Just tug on his sleeve, and gently remind him. The only gentle reminder I can manage is just one sentence: “Do you think I’m being too nice to you?” And then there’s the most popular piece of advice, “If you want to win a man’s heart,” “you have to win his stomach first.” What sense does that even make? It doesn’t even rhyme. If you really don’t want a man to leave you, what’s the point of winning his stomach? You need to have something on him. And here’s the most cunning piece of advice. It says that smart women in marriage should learn to act weak. Smart women how could they, in marriage, Okay. What? And based on my observations of the previous generation’s marriages, women absolutely shouldn’t act weak. Because if women act weak, men will take it seriously. He won’t think you’re a good person. He’ll just think, “I’m really great.” This saying is called This rule is called Men are like springs. If you’re weak, he’ll push harder. Only rhyming sayings like this make sense. And I’ve noticed there are very few guides teaching guys how to date. Because guys don’t want to know how to maintain a relationship. They just want to know how to pursue girls. People used to say “Start a family and build a career.” Once you start a family, you’re set. But for women, starting a family might actually be the end. You get trapped. Even though starting a family is important for men, when I look at some online matchmaking posts, they’re still pretty ridiculous. A lot of guys even write “likes cleanliness.” What’s so great about writing “likes cleanliness”? It’s not like we’re in India. You write “likes cleanliness,” but I can’t even tell if it’s true. You might as well just write “can breathe.” Even though I’ve complained so much, actually, when it comes to relationships, There are times when I put in more effort too. In my home, I do more of the housework. I can understand my boyfriend. Because when he was single, he didn’t have that much housework. When we first started living together, I asked him to take in the clothes drying on the balcony. He asked me why he needed to do that. He said, “Just grab them when you want to wear them.” And when I asked him to put dirty clothes into the laundry basket, he also asked me, “If the dirty clothes end up in the washing machine anyway, why do they need to go in the laundry basket first?” He really stumped me with that question. I had this feeling that it wasn’t like I discovered housework, but more like I invented housework. Later, I thought of how to answer him. I said, “Well, people all end up in an urn in the end, so why bother buying a house?” He thought about it and said, “That makes sense.” “I’ll listen to you.” “Let’s not buy a house in the future.” That’s all I have to say. Thank you, everyone. Wang Ying’s ticket-locking channel is now open. The moments when Teacher Da hits the light are really strange. You say, “To win a man’s heart,” “you have to win his stomach.” That saying doesn’t make any sense. Because it doesn’t even rhyme. And Teacher Da just hit the light. He always does it at moments like this. Weird and strange. So, the reason is— There is no reason. Why would I need a reason to film this? I just felt like I had to film it. Because in that moment, for her— That sentence doesn’t make sense. Her joke doesn’t make sense either. It’s doubly nonsensical. It’s my own logic, you know? I just like this kind of nonsense. It doesn’t make sense, but if you think about it— It kind of makes sense. That vibe is really fun. And it gives me this urge— I want to film this. Is there any memory in that? Is it just really fun? It’s just like what you said. That made me laugh out of frustration. It made me laugh out of frustration. There was one time— He was listening to the radio. I told him to turn it down. He said— He speaks loudly. What does that have to do with me? So after you laughed, did you calm down? Or did you laugh and then beat him up again? I laughed while hitting him. So I feel like he’s not just asking for it. He’s actually He’s really saying these things. Yes. So this whole thing is what makes it so funny. Right. Then I feel so lucky. I also have a really sharp tongue. Usually, I really like Wang Ying’s style. She is the calm type. Sarcastic. Yes. But as you keep listening, her sarcasm actually makes a lot of sense. It’s very reasonable. Thank you. I really like this piece by Wang Ying. She uses an aesthetic that people today can appreciate. This kind of taste. Just like this. Like what Teacher Luo just mentioned. Her compliments actually sound quite sarcastic. But everything she just said was all expressed. But in a way that we can accept and I think it shows a particularly new side that women can have I really like it anyway I can’t do it myself but I really like this kind of style so I pressed the light Thank you Actually, we should be very grateful for the performances of all our stand-up comedians including the discussion we just had after Wang Ying’s performance everyone’s discussion When a stand-up comedy act makes you start to use yourself as a point of reference that means it’s an excellent stand-up comedy performance Let’s give another round of applause to Wang Ying Thank you Thanks At the same time, let’s invite Xiao Hou back to the stage The votes given by our comedy group should be the same for both of you. So, after the live audience has finished voting, Hou Zhiyuan and Wang Ying the two of them have a final vote count of this high. Very high. Congratulations to Hou Zhiyuan for successfully advancing to the next round. Wang Ying will have to keep waiting in the pending area. Xiao Hou, has a kind of presence on stage that feels especially youthful and like a college guy. I think in real life, Xiao Hou is probably a very emotionally stable person. His personality is probably quite likable. But he’s clearly already entered the workforce and has been worn down by work, right? What are you doing now? Writing my weekly report. Because I tend to procrastinate. And there’s a weekly meeting at two o’clock. It’s so tough. So tough. Turn on your mic and say you’re quitting right now. No way. I have to work. Is your meeting over? No. Still waiting for the meeting to start. I’m still waiting for the notification. I feel like I’m a wandering workhorse. About to be sent out to perform. Still part of the Shield camp. This group from the Shield camp. Now they have a new identity. Let’s welcome the Spring Festival Gala comedians Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen. Thank you, everyone. Hello, everyone. I’m Xu Haolun. Hello, everyone. I’m Tan Xiangwen. As a young person, I always think I’m in good health. But it’s not that great. But during a checkup, there are always minor issues. There are problems. Recently, there’s been a health mini-class. I have a trial class. Let’s go and try it out. I want to experience it once. Class is starting. Here for the trial class. Yes, that’s right. Leave your name for me. Tan Xiangwen. Tan Xiangwen. Okay, find a seat for yourself. Okay. Excuse me. Let me pass. Since this is a class, let’s take attendance as usual before we start. Tan Xiangwen. Here. Everyone’s here. Why take attendance when there’s only one person? I thought there would be quite a few people here. Since this is a class, I’m your teacher. Let me give a brief self-introduction. So it’s easier for everyone to communicate. You can call me Xu Hao Lun Teacher Xu Alright, this is more or less what I look like. Why did you draw yourself, man? You’re already standing right here. Would it kill you to just write your name? Since it’s your first time attending my class, let me make things clear. All my life, I’ve lived for just one thing: health. You can see on the wall there are some of my health-related honor medals. There are things like being one of the top ten nutritionists, my health coach certificate, nutritionist certificate, and even my marriage certificate. What does a marriage certificate prove, man? It proves that I have a healthy marriage. You should say that to Cheng Lu, not to me, got it? Attend a trial class Have you purchased my official course? I want to try it out first. Why do you want me to buy it right away? Because at a glance, I can already see your problem. What problem do I have? Did you stay up late last night? No, I didn’t. No, I didn’t. No, I didn’t. Then why are your eyes bloodshot? I did stay up. So did you stay up or not? I did. Did you stay up? I did. Did you stay up? There’s something wrong with you. Gong Linna, you… Staying up late. Why are you so happy about staying up late? Staying up late, right here. What time did you go to bed? Four or five o’clock. You went to bed at four or five? What time did you get up? Eight or nine o’clock. You only slept for such a short time. What do you do if you get sleepy during the day? I find a place to nap at noon. See? How can that be okay? You don’t sleep at night. If I have time at noon, I take a nap. If I don’t have time, I just don’t sleep. Let me tell you, if you want to be healthy, you must absolutely avoid this kind of sneaky or missed sleep behavior. This is called sneaky or missed sleep. This escalated way too quickly. At first, I just had a problem with my sleep schedule. Now it’s turned into a problem with my character. Do you have another issue with me? You have a bit of scoliosis, right? You can even tell that? How did you figure that out? Let me tell you, a lot of minor aches and pains can be reflected in your face. I can tell by reading your face. Your appearance reflects your mind. Our appearance is shaped by our mind. What are you talking about, crosstalk? We’re doing manzai, you know? It doesn’t matter what art form it is. I’m not talking about art forms with you. That’s not what I meant. It’s not that I can see your spine is crooked. I can tell your posture has issues. Look, you have a forward head posture. Yeah. People with this symptom usually have some scoliosis. You know that, right? Come here, let me help you relax a bit. Let me adjust you. See, this spot is called the Huiwu acupoint. Huiwu acupoint. Yeah, the temple. Temple. Vital point. Don’t press so hard on a vital point, okay? What if you press me to death? Let me adjust your bones a bit. Just relax. Here we go. This doesn’t hurt, does it? It doesn’t really hurt. There’s just some noise. Alright, are you ready? Go ahead. What’s that sound, man? It feels like there’s a rhythm on my body here. That means your body still has some musical talent. What musical talent, man? Do you have any more standard treatments here? I checked just now, and you actually have quite a few issues. Look at this part, your trapezius muscle here, it’s pretty tight. Stiff, too. Try to relax. I have an electrotherapy device here. It’s mainly to help relieve your fatigue. Electrotherapy device? It relaxes your muscles. Here, hold this stick in this hand. And hold this one in your other hand. What is this? That’s the neutral and live wires. Turning on the switch. Wait a second! Don’t turn it on yet! Is this electrotherapy or an execution? You’ll know if it works after we try it. No way, man! Who was the guy who used the neutral and live wires for electrotherapy? This is part of the treatment. This is external treatment. External treatment. There’s also internal treatment. Taking medicine internally. That means eating. See, do you know why I’m so healthy? Why? Why am I so energetic? Because I eat well. Eat well. Look, I only eat fruit from Xinjiang. I only eat vegetables from Yunnan. I only eat imported steak. I only smoke cigarettes that cost more than 40 yuan. You live pretty well, yet you’re still here. Your quality of life is quite high. What’s nutritious about that? And you still smoke here. Why can I be your teacher? Why? Let me make it clear to you. Other teachers tell you what to eat. I tell you what you can’t eat. Okay. Why can’t dogs eat chocolate? What does that have to do with me? I don’t want to know what dogs can’t eat. I want to know what I can’t eat. You can’t eat dog. I wouldn’t eat dog anyway, you know. Let me tell you, if you want to be healthy, if you want to look good, and not have dark circles under your eyes, when you get home, remember three things. What? Apples. Apples. Bananas. Bananas. Photon skin rejuvenation. What’s photon skin rejuvenation? What is photon skin rejuvenation? I’m asking you, man. You eat pretty well. Why is there suddenly a new thing? You might as well ask the ancients instead of me. Look, it’s recorded in ancient books. What does it say? Food is the most important thing for people. There’s a saying in the Analects. At fifteen, I set my heart on learning. Right. As a man, at thirty, you stand firm. At forty, you have no doubts. At fifty, you know your destiny. By sixty, you’re pretty much done. Who says you’re done at sixty? Why should I be done at sixty? Are you holding the Book of Life and Death or something? Sixty is also called the “snail year.” The year of the “flower armor” (sixtieth year). Are you crazy? You mixed up clam vermicelli and snail vermicelli. You got them confused, right? Here you are. Clam vermicelli is seafood. Snails are… from Guangxi. I know they’re from Guangxi. Anyway, sixty is the “year of the flower armor.” Sixty is the “flower armor” year. Right, right. Seventy is the “rare age.” Eighty is something something… Ninety is something something… If you keep looking, you still won’t know. It’s written up there. Eighty is also called the “octogenarian years.” “Octogenarian years.” Yes. What does it mean? “Octogenarian” should be a Hunan dialect phrase. It means if your body isn’t well taken care of, by the time you reach eighty, you’ll be gone. You’ll be gone, you know? Your whole family will be gone. You’re crazy. Gone. Who talks like you do? Which book says that? The Analects. Which Analects? Xu Haolun’s Quotations. What does it matter if you wrote it yourself? Alright, alright, I get it. Don’t get so worked up. You must think I’m a fraud right now. I think you’re crazy, you know that? You haven’t seen my professional experience. What professional experience do you have? Look, the wall doesn’t just have my awards. There’s also a photo. Do you see Su Bingtian? Su Bingtian? Why is Su Bingtian’s photo up there? Because I used to be his personal health and nutritionist. I coached him one-on-one. And let me make it clear, Su Bingtian wasn’t always called Su Bingtian. What was his name? He was called Su Bing. So how did he become Su Bingtian? Because his nutrition was “added” by me. Are you out of your mind? Do you know Yao Ming? Yao Ming. What could you possibly do for Yao Ming? He was only one meter tall before. Stop talking nonsense here. How is that possible? I have it right here. How could Yao Ming be only one meter tall? I have a photo here. You only took a picture of his legs. Of course it looks like he’s only one meter, man. It’s not just his legs. He only had legs before, no upper body. A ghost came, you know? You brought out his upper body. He told me that himself. He doesn’t even have a mouth. How did he tell you himself then? Alright, don’t get worked up. No one does things like you. Now, just saying it doesn’t prove anything. No matter what I say, you won’t believe me. Trust is already bankrupt, you know? That’s how you are. If you really don’t believe me, I don’t believe you at all. I can invite someone. A patient I’ve treated before. You two can talk. No need. Then you’ll know how good I am. Trust is gone. Don’t be like this. Don’t invite those people. Are you sure this is tuned properly? Hello. Okay. Hello, young man. Okay. Hello, everyone. Hello to the four judges. You’re quite polite. I’m from Xiangxi, Hunan. An old grandmother. Hello, grandma. You can call me Yu Gaobi. Yu Gaobi. That’s right. You removed all the radicals from Xu Haolun’s name, right? Thank you, everyone. Maybe I look a bit old. A lot of people ask how old I am this year. How old are you? Grandma, this year I am already 88. It’s 64. That’s completely wrong, you know? Eight times eight is sixty-four. Grandma, that’s multiplication. I’m especially grateful to Teacher Xu. Thank you. I came here for only one reason. What reason? Because before I met Teacher Xu, I had a lot of bad habits. Some unhealthy hobbies. That’s right. Grandma, do you usually like to smoke? I don’t smoke. I don’t smoke. Do you usually like to drink? I don’t drink. So what do you usually like to do, Grandma? I like to… sing karaoke in the villa. Sing karaoke in the villa. And there’s an arowana in the pool, you know? You’re pretty trendy here. I came here for one reason. What is it? It’s to share my real experience with everyone. To tell everyone about it. Because it was in June last year that I went to the hospital for a checkup. I had the checkup. The doctor said I should take it seriously. If I didn’t, I might not make it past next year. It was pretty serious. After a year of treatment from Teacher Xu, so today is the first anniversary of my death. You’re crazy, you know. You’ve been treated until you’re talking nonsense. It’s fine, it’s okay. It’s okay. Grandma, please don’t scare me, okay? Grandma. Please don’t do this. Grandma, don’t. Why is the phone ringtone playing here? I’m having class here. I’ll talk to you later. What is it? I just have one thing to say here. In short, to sum up, I just want to tell you young people You can’t have it both ways. See, you want a healthy body, right, but you’re not willing to give up those unhealthy habits. I know that saying all this to you many young people won’t listen. Don’t you young people all like that, um, there’s a catchphrase. Catchphrase. Grandma also brought a catchphrase. Okay. Prince Consort, come closer and take a look. Which Peking Opera master? Thank you, everyone. It’s over 290 votes now. Xu Haolun, Tan Xiangwen The voting channel for you two is now open. Let’s give them another round of applause. The inspiration for your performance came from Yao Ming He used to be only one meter tall. What kind of lame punchline is that? Didn’t you say before it was about a physical exam? And then you came up with this idea. Building up the punchlines. It was last year. It wasn’t our first time here. And in each round, we told a different story. Right. Actually, we were thinking if we could turn it into a series. Last year, we wrote about a physical exam. Right. This time, it’s about what you do if you find a problem. What would you do? So we continued the story. The first time last year was about renting an apartment. The second time was about a physical exam. Right. The first round was about housekeeping. The second round is this one. It means making things harder for yourself. Pushing yourself. After all, they’re Spring Festival Gala performers, right? No. Impressive. Congratulations. We’ll be waiting for your New Year’s greetings again in 2026. Thank you. No. You filmed it when Yao Ming was at one meter. Anyway, I had already filmed earlier. There are a lot of random punchlines between them. I really like it. When Yao Ming was at one meter, you started smashing the lights. I had already smashed the lights. I think it’s really great. Because the two of them have so many jokes between them. I really want to perform with them. I especially want to add to those gags in the middle. And there was a bit where they said something like a person only has an upper body, no lower body. Yao Ming only has a lower body, no upper body. Just two legs. Isn’t that just a pi? I really like you guys so much. And then it’s just the two of them like this. Sometimes, in many performances, it’s all about two people working together. It’s always that “one plus one is greater than two” thing. But I think the two of them, no matter how they perform, it’s always that when they’re together, it equals one. It’s like they’re a single, very complete unit. Yes. Watching their performance, I often find myself thinking, “What are you two doing?” It’s like this every time. But the point isn’t what they’re doing. As you watch, you start to ask yourself, “What am I doing?” “Why am I laughing at this?” Mr. Zhang Shaogang has the perspective of a normal person. A normal person watching a “crazy” performance would think this way. Right. When “crazy” people watch a “crazy” performance, they say, “Let’s go crazy together.” Going crazy together really is… I have nothing more to say. Every time they come, I have high expectations, but they never let you down. Yes, yes, never. So I just… Yes, it’s all under this spotlight. What I’m curious about is now that both of you have your own new stage names, after that, for example, besides stand-up comedy, would you consider other like acting or other forms of performance? Would you try them? That’s something I’m especially curious about. Yes. We’ll take any job that comes our way. Yes, but we have to see it depends on whether others are willing to accept our style of performance. Of course, we’re willing to do anything right now. Yes. I just hope there are directors in the film and television industry who can recognize such two unpolished gems they really have this open-minded attitude I think that’s really great I especially want to hear from our screenwriter Teacher Haiyuan how do you evaluate their performances The two of them are just while creating so well their acting is just so vivid and lifelike They don’t need to rely on conviction to make you believe in their acting they just naturally act right here and you just believe it Just now I was thinking many punchlines when they say them, I find them funny but if someone else said them, I might not laugh like the “one meter” joke and then Su Bingtian Why is that? It’s their performances that draw us in like you said Yes, so I say even if, rationally you think you shouldn’t get drawn in but their appeal is just too strong it’s a bit like a black hole you just get pulled in by them I think if someone else performed this script it might not have the same effect their acting is just too powerful it’s really, really rare Thank you both again Only those with more than 290 votes can directly enter the advancement zone. Let’s take a look after Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen’s performance ended, the number of votes they received is definitely above 290 votes. They definitely advanced directly. Is it really that strict? They still need to start the mic grab. So I want to see the Spear camp’s mic grab countdown. That’s so nerve-wracking. Which side should I stand on? Here we go again. You’re really coming up? Seven is really capable. People who work all year round are like this. That’s awesome. Able to perform under pressure. Seven, tell us your reason. Here’s how I feel today. My goal coming here today is that I want to challenge someone strong. The strongest one. But I’m not saying I have to win against someone. But I think competing with someone strong can make me better. Got it. If you’re going to pick, pick the strongest. Let’s take a break. Let’s leave the stage to Seven. Please welcome Seven with applause. Hello, everyone. I’m Seven. Let me introduce myself. Actually, a lot of people think I do manzai comedy. Because they always think I have a partner named Eleven. So we go on stage and say, Hello, everyone. We’re a convenience store manzai duo. I’m Seven. I’m Eleven. We’re FamilyMart. Don’t be nervous for me. Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen are really impressive. But I have a job at a state-owned company. But don’t be too envious, friends. Young people like me working at such companies are actually quite humble. We don’t have much autonomy. We’re often sent by our bosses to attend all sorts of random events. Not long ago, my boss even sent me to attend our company’s matchmaking event. But it’s not a good thing. It was an internal company matchmaking event. What does that mean? It means you have the chance to turn your colleague into your lover. It’s a combination with no boundaries. You say goodbye to your colleague at work, then go home and see your lover again. I really don’t want to go. I think it’s a really awkward setup. My boss asked me to be a seat-filler. They wanted me to even out the numbers. I honestly felt really awkward. First, we had to play some really awkward icebreaker games. None of us had even introduced ourselves yet, but we started playing musical chairs. I said I wouldn’t play. I already played this on the subway this morning. I really didn’t want to play. But as young employees like us, we have to liven up the atmosphere. And please some of the bosses present. But it’s hard to liven things up with musical chairs. Because normal people, with colleagues, tend to be polite. They won’t really fight for the chair. Luckily, we have someone whose hormones are off the charts. He really wants to win. I call him Superman Bro. He really is a bit superhuman. Normal people just walk around with the music. Then when the music stops, they sit down. That’s how you play musical chairs. That’s how it’s supposed to go. But not for Superman Bro. He walks like this, like a patrolling toilet. I really can’t beat him at grabbing the seat. While we were all scrambling for seats, I didn’t get to sit on a chair. I ended up sitting on the toilet. It’s not that I feel I can’t compete in this. I just honestly and objectively think that being so competitive about this won’t help today’s event at all. Guys, maybe you still remember, this is a matchmaking event. If you fight for a chair, what’s the point of winning? Right? No female colleague will see his heroic performance and say, Ah, oh my god, he’s the king of big butts, I want to date him now. Right? That won’t happen. You really don’t get it. What’s going on in this guy’s head? It’s like his butt controls his brain. He only learned the middle word which is “stick your butt out.” I’m not interested in playing musical chairs. Honestly, my friends, to be frank, the most important thing for me right now is to regain my dignity at work. This is a very real issue. When young people go to work, they face a real problem. It’s being young. A lot of people won’t respect you. I was in charge of a project before. I had great conversations with the client online. He said I was very professional. He listened to everything I said. But when he met me in person and saw how young I was, he started pretending not to hear what I said. We were in the same meeting room. He asked how long this project would take. I said, “30 days, Mr. Wang.” Then something strange happened. The moment I finished speaking, Mr. Wang suddenly went deaf. He didn’t react at all. He asked again, “How many days for this?” I thought maybe he couldn’t hear well because of his age. I was about to raise my voice. Then my bald colleague next to me repeated, “30 days.” Mr. Wang said, “Alright then.” That’s when I understood. It wasn’t that he couldn’t hear because of his age. He could only hear people who looked older. That colleague was actually the same age as me. He just has a bit of a receding hairline. Clients trust him a lot. They seem to like listening to older people talk. They don’t even need you to actually be old. Looking old is enough. My colleague doesn’t even have to think about how to say things well. Clients just look at him and feel that he speaks with wisdom. But there’s not much I can do. Right now, I’m forced by circumstances. It’s hard to find a job in Shanghai. So I can only learn how to deal with these middle-aged clients. I’ve found that as long as I act like one of them, they’re willing to talk to me. Simply put, when you’re at work, you can’t seem too youthful. You need to have that sense of maturity. When you go up there, make sure not to say Hello, Mr. Wang. I’m Xiao Qi. Don’t do that. Too inexperienced. Too immature. You sound just like a kid. No one will take you seriously. When you enter this meeting room, the first thing you should say is After that, in the client’s mind, you’ll seem at least five years older. And do you see the teacup inside? Don’t drink it. Blow on it. That’ll make you seem even older. Now I even started changing the way I dress. Maybe today I’m dressed more casually because I’m recording a show. But usually, my company’s dress code is an ice silk short-sleeve shirt. But if you don’t have an ice silk short-sleeve shirt, young friends, don’t get discouraged. If you don’t have one, Meituan Flash Sale has it. In 30 minutes, you can become the most senior-looking person in the company. Meituan Flash Sale. Shop, shop, shop—let’s go! But just knowing these things isn’t enough. Besides these, I even learned some classic lines from scripts. Like reminiscing about my younger days. Even though I never really had those “younger days.” I’m in my prime right now. But now I just start from scratch. After our meeting at noon, the client asked me what I wanted to eat. I didn’t even finish my sentence when they said, “Teacher Qi, today you…” I said, “For me to get to where I am today…” It’s especially useful. I never thought before that I would try to appear older and spend so much time and effort studying this. But lately, I don’t want to pretend to be mature anymore. Because I realized these tricks only fool clients you meet for the first or second time. As for those in the company who know you’re young, if they don’t respect you, they still won’t respect you. There’s someone in our company who is much older than me. We usually call him Brother Chaoxiong. Every time I have a meeting with him, he asks me to make tea for everyone in the room. Make tea. I don’t like making tea. I’ve studied for over ten years. I have a master’s degree in computer science. I didn’t come to work just to make tea for him. But now, whenever he asks me to make tea, I make it for him. The strongest tea in the world. I want him to be unable to sleep. I hope that at night, when he’s lying awake staring at the ceiling, he’ll realize that what he drank at lunch wasn’t just black tea, it was me, someone tough to deal with. I’ve even thought it through. If he asks me to make tea again, I’ll just shove a tea brick in his mouth. I might get fired for that, and not get the N+1 compensation, but my coworkers would all say I’m awesome. But honestly, all of this is just my imagination. It’s all just fantasy. I’m still a pretty timid person. Now I only dare to refuse him politely. But for me, that’s still progress. A few days ago, he asked me to make tea again. He said, “Seven, come here.” “Stand up and make us some tea.” I said, “Bro, I’m not getting up.” “I’m afraid you’ll steal my chair.” That’s all I have to say. Thank you all, bye. Seven’s ticket-locking channel is now open. I think Seven’s performance was actually quite steady. But maybe, as a few people just mentioned, Talking about the workplace, maybe everyone has already had their expectations raised. It seems like every aspect of the workplace and every angle you can think of has already been explained very well. Maybe the angle that Seven approaches from makes me wonder if their behavior is because you’re young, or because they think that behind youth there’s a lack of certain rights. I think it’s the latter. I’m actually quite anxious too. I’ve been thinking about whether I should write something because I also have a lot of life experiences to share. I actually have a stockpile of content. I just genuinely feel that because of my age, I feel this is the most significant dilemma I’m facing right now. Since this is my dilemma, I think I should just talk about this. I think that’s great. Because first of all, being able to counter the Manzai Brothers’ shield with this spear is really not easy. The spear isn’t easy. So that ice silk short-sleeve shirt, is it meant to show a sense of calmness? Yes. The main thing that makes it feel cool is Seven, how old are you this year? The first time I met Seven, I thought he was the same age as Hulan. A lot of friends said he was like a younger Hulan. I didn’t get it at the time. He shouldn’t be younger than Hulan, right? I thought he was the same age as Hulan. Like someone born in 1989. The first time I met Seven, my first impression was that he was my peer. About the same age. Because he wore those plaid shirts. That really makes you look older. So I thought, it’s not easy being middle-aged. I thought he was about 30. Maybe just over 30. Then one day we were having a meal together, and he said he was born in 1999. I said, are you older or younger than me? I was really nervous at that moment. Because I was also born in 1999. I thought if he was younger than me, I’d be really thrown off. Seven, how old are you this year? I was born in 1999. I’m 26. I’m 26. He was born in 1999, 26 years old. And then Seven was really brave. He challenged Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen. Alright, you two, please return to the stage. After the performances by Xu Haolun, Tan Xiangwen, and Seven, once all their performances are finished, let’s see how many votes they received. Not low. Seven’s score is really high. Seven’s score is extremely high. Great job, Seven. Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen have successfully advanced. Seven needs to return to the waiting area. But 242 votes is also a very good result. So steady. Really good. I probably won’t be leaving, right? You won’t. I probably won’t be leaving. That’s great. Because the winners are Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen. So the Shield team will continue to send out contestants. The next contestant from the Shield team last year everyone saw him enter the beauty competition. This year he has switched to a headset-style performance. We hope that in the upcoming he can bring us more new stage styles. Let’s give a warm welcome to Jia Hao. Hello Friends on the first and second floors Hello everyone I’m Jia Hao As you all know Competitions are a very stressful process A while ago, to relieve the stress I specifically went with my good friend Liang Haiyuan We went to Guangzhou together to visit a good friend and have fun When we checked into the hotel the front desk guy was very enthusiastic and spoke Mandarin with a Cantonese accent while helping us check in Right there He asked, “Who is Mr. Liang?” He’s Liang Haiyuan Mr. Liang That made me laugh Then he said “Who is Mr. Jia?” You could see that smile move from my face to Haiyuan’s face At that moment Haiyuan smiled I quickly thought on my feet I said, “I’m Mr. Wolf” I immediately claimed the position of Mr. Wolf I am the true king of grabbing chairs with the biggest butt I even thought at the time about playing together with my dad That would be hilarious Big Boss Jia and Little Boss Jia Of course, lately my dad definitely doesn’t have time for this Let me tell you what my dad has been busy with lately His main focus every day is on Weibo searching my name and for every post about me controlling the comments But a lot of posts about me don’t even have any comments to begin with Have you ever tried controlling comments on an empty post? Under a lot of posts it’s just my dad there alone “Hao is awesome” Finally, there’s a post with three comments When you click in to look one is from my dad one is from my mom and one is from someone named Robert My dad even took my videos and organized and posted them on his own account. Then some uncles commented, “Celebrity son.” My dad replied, “That’s a compliment.” “He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet.” Then another uncle said, “Outstanding father,” “can raise an outstanding son.” My dad said, “I’m flattered, I’m flattered.” “He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet.” My dad uses “He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet” as a full stop to end every conversation. “Have you eaten?” “No.” “He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet.” He really… The fact that I’m not married yet is his biggest concern. When I go home for New Year’s dinner, he urges me about it right at the table. He pushes a glass of wine to me, and says, “I want to be a grandpa.” It scares me so much I don’t even dare to speak. I just sit there pretending to be a grandson. The more he drinks, the less sense he makes. He says, “You have to buy a house in Shanghai.” “The family can support you.” “Because you have to get married.” So I told my dad about the average house price in Shanghai. He said, “Then you still have to get married.” I even explained to my dad the average bride price in Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and Shanghai. That day, my dad drank too much and went totally crazy. He said, “We can skip the bride price.” We can skip the bride price. How can you tell if I’m male or female? Anyway, my dad now keeps urging me both online and offline. Social media has actually become my only sanctuary. But a month ago, my dad invaded social media. How did I find out? Because his social media username is just his real name. My dad uses his real name on social media. Look, your parents’ usernames are probably something like “Calm Clouds and Gentle Breeze,” or “Vast Sea and Open Sky.” But my dad’s username is just I’m worried you’ll go look him up later, since not many people are named Jia *cai. But actually, all you need to do is write in the feedback section the two characters “Jia Hao” You don’t need to search for him He’ll search for you It’s like fishing You just drop the words “Jia Hao” After a while, you’ll get a message saying “Brother Hao, you’re awesome” He even manages social media and posts all kinds of things Recently, it was my mom’s birthday He made a social media post with the title “Happy 60th Birthday to My Wife” but the cover photo was of me in a swimsuit I swear I’m not making this up The cover photo was a picture of me wakesurfing in a swimsuit Have any of you ever had something like this happen on your parents’ profile? You’d think he understands the internet He uses his real name online But if you think he doesn’t get it he knows which photos get traffic “Happy 60th Birthday to My Wife” Why use my photo? Sure enough, someone later said “Jia Hao is 60 now” Then someone else said “Isn’t the main point that someone called him ‘wife’?” After that, people started criticizing When I first saw him putting on makeup I already felt something was off So good at writing this kind of thing That’s savage I can understand It’s the audience joking and playing with memes But why are there still viewers saying Hao, you look great in a swimsuit After hearing that I really feel embarrassed I don’t even have a girlfriend yet Some viewers even asked Such a nice-looking swimsuit Where did you buy it? Do you even need to ask? On Meituan Flash Sale Good stuff delivered in 30 minutes Meituan Flash Sale is so fast My swimsuit is so short Have you seen Fast & Furious? Now that swimsuit post on social media Already has over 500 comments I went to check There are even comments saying Praising my dad Uncle really knows how to use the internet My dad replied Sorry to make you laugh It’s just a simple operation I couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief This is a simple operation? If you made it complicated I’d have to censor my photos Your peaceful days Are because I’m walking on the edge My dear Boss Da Jia My dad really pulls all kinds of crazy moves. He even tells me, “Your fans are so good to you,” “when you have time,” “invite your fans over for a meal at home.” He actually did it. When I went home for the New Year banquet, he met someone who said they were my fan, and immediately invited them home. See, my dad privately connects with my fans, and even brings them home. If this ever gets out, I hope my parents’ actions won’t be blamed on me. Of course, I know this is all out of love from my parents. Lastly, I want to share something with you all that happened a few days ago. My mom has also joined social media. She even asked me for some photos. I checked out her profile, and she hasn’t posted anything yet. But I know she’s getting ready. She just created her account. She’s still building it up. But she didn’t use her real name. She’s using a fake account. Don’t go searching for her. Because my mom’s username is “Jia Hao’s Mom.” Thank you, everyone. I’m Jia Hao. Thank you. These 290 votes, an absolute 290 votes, that’s amazing. I’m begging you, let him get more than 290 votes. Please. Jia Hao’s vote-locking channel is now open. Come on. Let’s give another round of applause to Jia Hao. Teacher Zhang, I’d like to say something first. I had my parents change their names. So everyone doesn’t need to look them up. I had them change their names. So, Hao, if they now post something on social media, would you review or ask to review their posts? Definitely not. There was even a time when I thought about whether I should say my dad should spend less time on social media and such. But later I felt that’s his right too. I have no right to tell him not to use it. If I told him not to use it, it would be like when I was a kid and he told me directly not to play something. But maybe we need to discuss some boundaries. I told my dad, it’s fine if you hear people praising me. But if someone criticizes me in the future, they might even target you. My dad said, “I’ve seen it all.” It’s your main show. Did your parents go together to watch it? Eight of them went to the Chengdu stop. My eldest aunt and my third aunt. Also my older cousin and younger cousin. My eldest uncle. And my dad and my mom. All holding silk scarves together. Jia Hao. So I want to ask, when you encounter some of their behaviors, do you feel loved, more happiness, or more embarrassment? I think about 70% is happiness. And 30% is embarrassment. For example, that swimsuit photo. When I first saw it, I thought, just delete it quickly. But what can you do? But later my dad told me, I just can’t set the homepage right. He said, look, I accidentally gave you material for a joke. And you don’t even thank me. That’s how he is. I think my feelings are similar to yours. Because my parents, especially my mom, she’s done some things that I find really unbelievable, but for example, like one day, when I came home, I found at home there was a standee of me. It’s a roll-up banner that’s the same height as me. At home. Where did she bring it back from? Yeah. She just felt she couldn’t leave it outside. She had to bring it back. So when I went home, I saw my own roll-up banner at home. I thought it was really weird. Where is it now? It’s still at home. Teacher Chunchun, I can really relate to this. During last year’s finals, everyone who made it to the finals got a big poster. It was about two meters tall. After I sent that poster home, my mom nailed it to the head of their bed. Yeah. They can see it as soon as they wake up. They say, “Our son is with us.” It’s really scary. So scary. I’ve experienced that too. After I got home, I saw a fan who gave me one of those big bath towels. My mom put it over herself. It had “I love Da Zhangwei” written on it. And when parents are together, they feel happy for you. Jia Hao has a kind of magic, he’s always full of energy. As soon as he comes on stage, he instantly brings you into that infectious atmosphere. So you feel happy the whole time you’re listening. But if you think about it calmly, it feels like compared to the previous performance, this piece is a bit flat. But he has the ability to kind of like Xu Haolun and the others, he can really make the whole thing infectious. So, I still think it’s really, really good. And then, actually, after watching the last performance, I thought about it after it ended. I went backstage to see him, just to have him tell me his dad’s real ID (username). Then I added him. I added him with my alternate account. So now, when I’m in a bad mood, I go there to fish. I get really happy whenever we interact. Hao is amazing. It’s his vibe, it really energizes everyone. It’s really great. I think you’re truly very lucky. Let’s give a round of applause to Jia Hao. And he really is a stand-up comedian who keeps getting better. He’s already developed his own powerful performance style. Yes. And his stage presence is getting better and better. So, will he be able to advance directly to the next round? Let’s see. Today, I just feel like I really enjoyed my performance. The audience’s feedback was great too. I might go straight through. Judging by the results, I can make it. Over 290 votes. He made it. Jia Hao is awesome. Impressive. Directly advanced. Shield. Let’s give Jia Hao a round of applause. First in the second round. The first stand-up comedian to advance directly. Hao is awesome. So impressive. Really great. Hao is amazing. Oh my god. The Shield team has four wins in a row. This Shield team is just too strong. The most mature Jia Hao’s performance was the most polished. He was in excellent form. I hope to catch uncle’s attention. Brother Hao is amazing. Then my dad went to reply. Thank you for your sharing and for encouraging Jia Hao and the other actors. Because he’s a teacher, his replies are always very official, I guess. He also said seeing the spotlight shining all at once on Jia Hao, for a moment, I saw that boy who often got eliminated in the first round, overcoming all obstacles, finally standing again in the center of the sparkling stage. Thank you to this friend. My dad’s reply was, Thank you for your sharing. The lighting effects were good. See, you don’t even know what he’s actually paying attention to. Were they talking about the lighting, Dad? Was he talking about the lighting? There’s a kind of feeling of humans and AI being combined. It feels like this AI has accomplished some things, but not much. People want to learn AI, but haven’t learned much yet. Hey, Dad. Did you gain any followers today? Did you reach 2,000 yet? Your followers— They’ve surpassed 2,000. Thank you to all these followers. For caring so much about Jia Hao. As his father, I have to show my appreciation. I believe Hao will keep getting better. And we will get better too. Thank you, everyone. Well said. That’s great. I hope he enjoys the internet. It’s like fishing. You just drop “Jia Hao” in there, and after a while, you’ll get a reply: “Hao, you’re awesome!” After Jia Hao started performing for thousands, Uncle, has your workload increased? It’s increased a lot. Some comments are almost 2,000 words long. They’re really touching. Liking again. Follow back. I followed back. Everyone who follows you— Do you follow them all back? All of them. Basically, I— Look at this. This member sent by the Shield Team is just as strong. Go, Sister Xiaoli! Because in the last round of performances, she shared with us her choice and freedom of not getting married. This time, she wants to tell us the story of her family. Please welcome Wang Xiaoli! Hello, everyone. I’m Xiaoli. Hello. Last year, I did my first stand-up comedy special. Some friends were surprised when they saw the news. They said, “You’re doing stand-up comedy?” I said, “Yes!” Otherwise, all these years, how would I make a living? They said, “Haven’t you always relied on your parents?” I said, “Not entirely.” I earn a bit myself too. Besides, I found that relying on your parents is all about persistence. When you’re in your twenties, living with your parents, people say you’re mooching off them. Don’t give up. Keep at it. If you keep going until my age, over forty, relying on your parents becomes “companionship.” Now I’m already well-known far and wide as a filial daughter. I come from a family of four. Me, my mom, my younger brother, and my dad. Although I have a younger brother, our family is especially biased in favor of girls over boys. Many friends, after visiting my home, would all say that my parents treat my brother especially unfairly. I asked why. They said it’s because the housework is all done by your brother. I said, why does it have to be fair? I think a family that favors girls over boys is pretty nice. My brother and I get along very well. My brother is hardworking and considerate. I’m self-opinionated. These two qualities are both rare in our respective genders. are both very rare. Although I was very spoiled at home, I still wasn’t the most powerful person in my family. The person with the most authority in our family was my dad. My dad was really outrageous. Ever since I was little, he wouldn’t let me ask questions. He told me, “If you have to ask about everything, people will think you’re ignorant.” At that time, I had just started kindergarten. What I feared most was people thinking I was ignorant. He also wouldn’t let me laugh. He told me, “Men who laugh look foolish, women who laugh look strange.” Men who laugh look foolish, women who laugh look strange. Have you ever heard this saying? (No.) No, right? Because he made it up himself. But ever since then, I didn’t dare laugh at home. If I really couldn’t hold it in, I would go outside to laugh. The neighbors started talking, saying there were always strange laughs in the hallway. My dad is the kind of person who, if he’s unhappy, he wants everyone else to be unhappy too. When I was little, he was always on business trips. Every time he left, he would take the TV cable from home. The TV cable is the wire that receives the TV signal. He was afraid that when he wasn’t home, we would watch TV and have too much fun. But what he didn’t know was that when he wasn’t home, we were already very happy. One year during the New Year, he went back to his hometown. As soon as he left, the three of us at home were laughing and chatting. That’s when I realized I love my brother and my mom, my brother loves my mom and me, and my mom loves both of us. The three of us were a happy and harmonious family. My dad also has a really bad temper. He often loses his temper for no reason. And he makes me apologize to him. If I don’t apologize, he goes on a hunger strike. He refuses to eat. As a dutiful daughter, I have no choice but to apologize. I say, “Dad,” “I’m sorry.” Most parents, in this situation, would ask, “What did you do wrong?” But my dad doesn’t. He forgives me right away. Because he’s hungry too. And now my dad has also become especially fond of nagging. What he nags me about the most now is that all day long, I don’t do anything. I get annoyed by his nagging, so I have no choice but to pretend to be busy at home. How do I pretend? Sometimes while I’m eating, I suddenly sigh and say, “Oh man,” “I’m so busy lately.” Sometimes I pretend to make phone calls. Just so he can hear me, I say, “Today, today won’t work, I’m too busy today.” I don’t even actually have a phone in my hand. I just make a gesture like I’m on the phone. But after a while, my dad suddenly asked me, “If you’re so busy every day, are you actually making any money?” I said, “Yeah, I am.” Then I started pretending to be rich. But pretending to be rich and pretending to be busy are completely different things. There’s no way I could suddenly sigh while eating and say, “Oh man,” “I’m so rich lately.” In order to look rich, I started buying things for my family. Luckily, before this, I had never bought anything for my family. So now, no matter what I buy, my dad always thinks “Wang Xiaoli must have struck it rich this time!” The more things I buy, the higher my status at home becomes. Now, no matter what happens at home, I want to give my opinion on everything. Simply put, I’m basically the “dad” of the house. I have to admit, being the “dad” feels pretty great. Being the “dad” has given me courage. Now I even dare to talk back to my dad face-to-face. One time, my dad was showing off at home, saying how much he has contributed to the family. I said, “Your contribution isn’t as big as Mom’s, right?” “Mom still does the laundry and cooks.” “You don’t do anything all day.” He said, “Well, I have to earn money to support the family!” I said, “Mom has a salary too.” He said, “But I got promoted to a higher professional title.” I said, “If Mom didn’t do the housework,” “where would you find the time to get promoted?” “Aren’t you even a little grateful?” My dad was left speechless by my comeback. Then he suddenly stood up and said, “I…” “In my whole life, I’ve never done” “anything that goes against my conscience.” My defenses are down. I never expected that the authority I feared most growing up would turn out to be so fragile. It’s like if Harry Potter told Voldemort, “Voldemort, you’re a big bad guy,” and Voldemort started crying. My dad even asked me, he said, “So what have you contributed to this family?” I said, “I’m the eldest daughter of this family. My existence is my contribution to this family.” I’m not making this up. Think about it. In the 1980s, in a small town, if a couple didn’t have children, imagine what people would say behind their backs. How could you even keep your place at work? Strictly speaking, I’m the one who gave you a family. I have even replaced my dad now and become the most powerful person in our family. That day was New Year’s Eve. Our whole family was watching TV. My dad thought the TV show was terrible. So he took out his phone and started playing on it. I just glanced at him. He got scared and quickly put his phone away. Then he started watching TV seriously. At that moment, none of us said a word, but we all knew the transfer of power was complete. That day’s TV show, even though it was boring, the more I watched, the more excited I got. Because I knew the worse the show was, the greater my power became. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xiao Li. Come on. Xiao Li’s ticket-locking channel is now open. Actually, when I was filming, I was a bit a little hesitant. I think the main reason is maybe compared to the previous scene, I feel that this one’s actually doesn’t have as many jokes as the previous one. But I still really like Xiaoli. I’m actually also very curious about how, at home, you can both rely on your parents and still have this kind of authority. It mainly depends on a sense of conviction. A sense of conviction. Right. Maybe it’s because I was pretty spoiled at home. Because when I was born, my grandmother told my mom that she should treat her daughter well, because daughters are queens. So ever since I was little, my family has treated me very well. Then, when my mom was pregnant with my younger brother, she heard the uncles and aunties in the yard teasing me, saying that after mom and dad have a little brother, they won’t love you anymore. After my mom heard this, she discussed with my dad that they should love the older sister even more in the future and not let her feel neglected. Not let her feel neglected. So I’ve always been pretty spoiled at home. And if you have a stronger sense of conviction, then you can then you can So it’s still a very happy family. I guess so. Her dad is so adorable. Like, if you say something to him, he’ll get upset and refuse to eat, right? He’ll at first just sit on the sofa, and if you call him a couple of times, and he still doesn’t eat, he’ll go back to his bedroom, and lie down. He’s hungry. Then he waits, waiting for you to apologize. So what do you usually do? I usually toss a pancake through the crack in the door. I usually take a couple of bites first. Yum, it’s delicious. Then I check on him. If he still doesn’t come out, I think, I can’t just not have a dad. I should just apologize to him. It’s not that hard anyway. So I say, Dad, I was wrong. And then he’ll say, Dad also has them. Dad’s faults. And then, the father and daughter hugged each other and cried. Then they went out to eat together. That’s wonderful. Because it’s a kind of feeling. Someone who grew up with this kind of unconditional love is shielded from all the storms of the world. And from this, she can come up with many jokes about the sweet burdens in life. I think her life experience is truly amazing. Yes. I made this lamp because I believe you can definitely be someone full of creative ideas. I hope it can help you. Thank you. Maybe the effect of this round might be a little worse than the last one. But I actually think this round has really good content. I’m still sorting it out. First, its structure is especially clever. Almost all the characters in it and their relationships, the expression of emotions, the logic, and the power dynamics are all, in some way, reversed. Look, she mentioned a line in it. She said, “Because our family values girls over boys.” But actually, there’s no such thing as valuing girls over boys. It’s just that girls have returned to a role and position that’s probably similar to boys. A similar role and position. But the conclusion we draw is that this is valuing girls over boys. So everything is reversed. It’s ironic. Also, Xiaoli, after you finish this show, your parents will definitely start, just like Jia Hao, making accounts and start following you. Xiaoli is really great, for sure. I probably won’t tell them. I think it’s better to keep some boundaries. I don’t get it. Don’t you have internet at home? Your first piece, it would definitely go viral as soon as it’s aired. Because I’ve been doing stand-up comedy for a long time. I never told them about it. Then one time, my dad just couldn’t hold it in anymore. He said, “You’re out so late every day, coming home late,” “what exactly are you doing?” I said, “I’m doing stand-up comedy.” He asked, “Do you like it?” I said, “I quite like it.” He said, “Then do it well.” He didn’t know what stand-up comedy was. Until one time, on the Spring Festival Gala, there was a round table, and then Xu Zhisheng how some people stood up and did stand-up comedy. And then, after watching it, my parents were both silent. And then, Why It was written pretty well back then Dad said I’m not eating I’m going back to my room I’ll come out after the talk show is over That’s when I started playing on my phone It started back then Then my dad said That’s pretty good That’s pretty good Then my mom said She said it’s fine Even such a terrible TV drama I can still watch it Should moms do stand-up comedy? Moms go to roast others. Besides, you’re my own daughter. But since then, they never again asked me to see a live show or wanted to know what I was doing. Never. So I never brought it up either. It’s okay, I believe when this show airs, definitely your parents will be able to see it. Let’s give another round of applause to Wang Xiaoli. Okay, thank you. Most of the time, I might be living off my parents. Even though I rely on them, I don’t spend a lot of money. If I earn less, I just spend less. The longest was over ten years without a job. No matter what I do, they support me. Even if I don’t work, they’re still okay with it. Especially my mom. She doesn’t seem to need me to do anything. She’s already very proud of me. She doesn’t need me to do anything to make her proud of me. Sometimes she sits on the sofa and looks at me. I ask her, “What are you looking at?” She says, “I’m so proud of you.” I say, “But haven’t I achieved nothing?” Yes. So actually, I don’t really have that kind of like, the feeling that I absolutely have to work-related pressure. Xiaoli’s family is one of the most beautiful things in the world. And her parents love her so much. I think people no matter what they achieve in their careers, ultimately just hope to have a happy life. Whether it’s with family or friends, she’s already living living in an especially wonderful place, at that finish line. Her whole life has been a perfect one. That’s really great. Come on. Let’s take a look first to see if Xiaoli advances directly or if she has to face a challenge. After Wang Xiaoli’s performance ends, the Mao team will start the mic-grabbing round. No one is stepping up. No one. Then it’s time to grab the ball. It’s the “Zhuazhou” (first birthday grab) now. No one stood up. Because no one stood up. So, sorry about that. Xiaoli, you have to start now. It’s your turn to do the selection. Come on, let’s bring out the selection box. From our perspective, we can see the name she draws. But everyone, don’t tell her. Just go with your own feeling. It’s like shot put. Here we go, torturing people again. This is so exciting. Don’t mess around. Don’t mess around. So nervous. Wait, did she pick me? What? Who? Jiang Zihao. Jiang Zihao. Is it me? Jiang Zihao, huh. The friend she picked we’re all looking forward to it. In the first round, he impressed us with a brilliant stand-up. He inspired all of us to value Cantonese more. Next, will he add more Cantonese elements to his performance? Let’s give a round of applause for Jiang Zihao! (So handsome!) (So handsome.) Thank you. Hello, everyone. I’m Zihao. Thank you, everyone. Let me say something first. I’m from Guangdong. As you all know, I’m a Cantonese. Just to prove it. To be honest, I’ve really enjoyed recording the show this year. Because this year, in the show, there are four actors from Guangdong. This should be the first time in the show that there have been this many actors from Guangdong. We could actually make up a full table for mahjong. During the first round of recording, the four of us from Guangdong were so happy in the interview room. We were saying things like, I even said to the camera, for the top three spots, the four of us wouldn’t even be enough to split them. Seriously. And then I also talked to another actor from Guangdong named Jichi. I said to him, between the two of us, who should take first place? What do you think? Should I let you have it? You be first, I’ll be second. But after the first round was over, three of us had already gone back to Guangdong. It’s a bit too embarrassing. That director was still there, trying to comfort us, saying “Is it that Guangdong people’s humor doesn’t quite fit in here?” I said, we Shanghainese right now are really embarrassed. Just think about it, if I get eliminated in the second round, it’ll be even more awkward. Imagine, when I go back, Jichi will definitely ask me, “Zihao, which round did you get eliminated in?” And I’ll have to tell him, “You were first, I was second.” To be honest, I think for us actors from Guangdong, doing stand-up comedy in Mandarin is actually a bit harder than for people from other places. It’s just more difficult. I’m not making excuses. First of all, we don’t even speak the language fluently. Because when we do stand-up in Mandarin, we have to start by learning Mandarin first. I’m not joking. In my first few years of working, I really couldn’t understand at all the Mandarin spoken in the north. Especially the kind from the northeast. It’s just too complicated, seriously. One time, someone said to me, “You little brat” (in a northern dialect), and I didn’t even know he was insulting me. My reaction was, “Belly?” What belly? Are you hungry? I’ll cook some noodles for you. Then he said something else to me, “Who are you with?” (northern slang) What kind of phrase is that? Why does a sentence have only subjects in it? There’s not even a verb in “Who am I with?” I said, “Who am I with?” I’m with Ah Sa (Charlene Choi). That’s Twins, right? Who am I with? I just don’t get it at all. There’s another thing, I’ve really wanted to say this for a long time. I used to be too embarrassed to say it. When Maodou speaks, I really can’t understand him. I’m serious. The first time I heard Maodou do stand-up comedy, he gave me the feeling of that guy from Plants vs. Zombies, the one with the pot on his head. You know who I mean, right? This guy, this one. Do you still remember him? Can the people on the second floor see? Seriously. In my mind, Maodou looks just like that. I feel like an idiot. So you know, the first time I heard Maodou do stand-up, the way he sounded to me was like braised intestines. I just couldn’t understand at all. I always felt that even my grandma’s broken radio was clearer than him, honestly. I’ve been confused about this for a long time. I never dared to say it before. It’s just that I feel how come everyone can understand him? You all don’t even talk like that. I think there must be people like me who are just pretending to understand, you know? Just afraid of being laughed at, right? This is like “Maodou’s New Clothes,” that’s exactly what it is. Just thinking about it makes me angry. Because my Mandarin people often say they can’t understand it. But why is it that when Maodou speaks, you all can understand him? Try letting Maodou perform for that boss from Guangdong. Maodou would go back crying, looking for his dad, you know? The boss from Guangdong would watch and say, “What is Maodou even doing?” “He’s not funny at all.” I’m telling you, it’s definitely a case of not fitting in. Also, for Guangdong performers, the hardest part is you know, Guangdong as a place doesn’t really value stand-up comedy or this kind of cultural entertainment. Compared to Shanghai, I feel like the locals in Guangdong are always thinking about food. Seriously, all day long, all they care about is eating. When I went back to my hometown, I talked to my friend. I said, “It’s tough to get by in Shanghai.” He said, “Yeah,” “there’s nothing good to eat in Shanghai.” I said, “I mean, work isn’t going well.” He said, “Then let’s see what we can eat later.” I told him, “This show is too hard.” “Every year, I just sit here messing around.” He said, “Shrimp dumplings.” “Alright, boss,” “let’s have two baskets of shrimp dumplings.” Let me tell you all, how much people from Guangdong care about food. This is a true story. When I was doing my Cantonese stand-up show in Guangdong, often, near the end of the show, some audience members would just stand up and leave. I had no idea what was going on. I asked, “What’s wrong?” “Was my performance bad?” They said, “No,” “I just need to go have late-night snacks.” They said, “You did a good job,” “but my number’s up for food now.” People from Guangdong are obsessed with food to an unbelievable degree. In their hearts, Jiang Zihao is nowhere near as important as table A18, right? That’s just how we people from Guangdong are. We always have one meal after another. We really just love to eat. Think about it, even the way people from Guangdong curse, it’s about telling people to eat something, right? Do you remember that Jacky Cheung classic meme? No matter what he’s telling you to eat, isn’t it still about eating? That’s how much we love eating. Go eat something! Seriously. This is the current situation for actors from Guangdong. That’s just how it is. It’s hard to get a proper meal when we’re away. But when we return to Guangdong, all we do is eat. So actually, compared to other actors, the biggest advantage for Guangdong actors —or maybe our unique trait— is that we can speak Cantonese. Originally, when I came on the show this year, on this stage, my biggest wish was to perform a stand-up set in Cantonese. And make you all laugh to death. That was what I had in mind, and then— But you all know what the biggest problem is. It’s the live audience here. It’s basically impossible to understand. As for Cantonese edamame, right now I just… I’ve thought of many ways. I even discussed it with the production team. I asked if we could do it live, like add some subtitles or something. Then the production team said it’s too difficult, we can’t do it. After trying for a long time, my colleague from Guangdong finally gave me an idea. He asked, “Zhihao, is it possible for you to just translate for everyone live?” I said, “How can I translate, man?” There’s not enough time. He said, “Just do one sentence in Mandarin, one in Cantonese.” One sentence in Mandarin, one in Cantonese. Alternate between them. Just alternate like that. Wouldn’t that work? That should work, right? I said, talking like this is really strange. Talking like this is really strange. It’s like being crazy. It’s like being insane. But you can tell in the end, I was still convinced by him. You can see that in the end, I was convinced by him. I like this. This is good. It’s just always so inexplicable. Messing around for no reason. Because when I think about it carefully, it’s actually pretty good. Because after thinking it over, it’s actually quite nice. Still acting. First, I can slip in some personal stuff in my Cantonese parts. First, I can add some personal touches in the Cantonese part. Anyway, no one understands it. This Jiang Zihao is really funny and handsome. At least I made myself happy first. I don’t care. And at the same time, let everyone Experience the charm of Cantonese. Because as everyone knows, Cantonese has nine tones and six pitches. So many people know that classical poetry many classical poems classical poetry when recited in Cantonese sounds more melodious and has more flavor. So finally, I’ll give everyone a brief demonstration. A Cantonese recitation of “Quiet Night Thoughts.” How about I present it to everyone? “Quiet Night Thoughts” (“Quiet Night Thoughts”) Li Bai (Li Bai) Don’t you mention the author when reciting poetry? You guys are really unprofessional. Before my bed, the bright moonlight (Before my bed, the bright moonlight) I suspect it is frost on the ground (I suspect it is frost on the ground) Zihao’s stand-up comedy (Zihao’s stand-up comedy) Come watch when you have time (Come watch when you have time) Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Thanks. Now, after Jiang Zihao’s performance has ended, please take out your voting devices. Press the OK button to confirm. Jiang Zihao’s voting channel is now open. Mr. Jiang Zihao That last personal plug you slipped in, what exactly was it? Yeah. I just promoted my Cantonese stand-up show. I just mentioned Jiang Zihao’s stand-up comedy. Come support if you have time. Even though I don’t understand Cantonese, I still think with a stand-up comedian’s skills, it’s time to start sneaking in some personal plugs. Yes, yes, yes. I love it. I think Zihao is really good this year. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Getting better and better. Because honestly, before, I’ve participated in several seasons of our show. He used to just rely on being wild. That time, it just exploded. Now he’s really steady, really steady. It’s just excellent. You mentioned people from Guangdong, find it hard to understand people from the Northeast. I’m from Beijing, you know. When I talk to people from Guangdong, even ordering food is incredibly difficult. I wanted to order sausage. Sausage. I said, “Give me some sausage.” He said, “Do you want black tea or green tea?” I said, “I want sausage.” Sausage. He said, “All our teas are very fragrant.” He just couldn’t understand. He didn’t know what sausage was. Have you ever thought about that maybe your speaking speed makes it hard for others to understand you sometimes? I order food very slowly. Are you sure? I said to him, “Hello,” “I’m Da Zhangwei,” “I speak very slowly.” Anyway, what I mean is, everyone has these little issues when ordering food, these kinds of small things. But you like it. I really love it. I hope you can keep going. That’s awesome. Alright, thank you. Love you. I didn’t film with Teacher Luo. Actually, I think Zihao spoke very well in this part. But you used two props. A painting and the tissue you used to wipe your sweat. I think the tissue for wiping sweat was effective. When you took out the painting, I actually felt the effect wasn’t very obvious. Personally, I think it had some effect, but only because the action was funny. But the content itself I don’t think it really achieved the same effect as the tissue for wiping sweat. Yes. Actually, I really understand what Zihao said. Because although in our dialect region everyone can understand each other, when I was younger, I had a bias. I always thought that writers from the north wrote more vividly, while those from the south weren’t as vivid. I always thought this way. It wasn’t until I met some writers from the south that they told me this was northern cultural self-centeredness. Actually, it’s because our Mandarin is based on northern dialects. So southern writers have to use their second-best and less familiar language sense. So when Zihao mentioned this, I could really relate. Because I’ve experienced this process of changing my perspective. But I didn’t film it. Mainly because the previous scene was just too wonderful. Today, since we’re still on the same topic, I naturally hope to see if there could be another breakthrough. But overall, it’s pretty much the same. It even dropped a little. Yes. Alright, let’s take a look. Zihao chose again in the second round to perform in Cantonese. With a fixed topic, and a fixed direction, for a stand-up comedian, this is actually raising the bar for oneself. But I think Zihao has already delivered an excellent performance. So after Zihao’s performance, Xiaoli returned to the stage. After both Wang Xiaoli and Zihao’s performances ended, let’s take a look at Wang Xiaoli and Jiang Zihao’s final voting results. Congratulations to Jiang Zihao for advancing to the next round. Xiaoli’s 232 votes is also a very good result. Still needs to wait in the pending area. Zihao advances. Welcome to the friends from the Spear team. I’m so nervous. I was just picked to step down. Everyone, our performance for this round has now come to an end. There are now a total of five groups of performers. who have successfully advanced. Among them, four groups are from the Shield team. One is from the Spear team. Currently, the Shield team leads 4 to 1. They are temporarily in the lead. Once again, thank you to all the stand-up comedian friends for bringing us such wonderful performances. Next, everyone needs to keep working hard. We also believe that the upcoming performances will only get better. Take a short break, we’ll be right back. Hulan I want to make friends with other performers. But they can’t understand what I’m saying. What should I do? Sorry, what did you say? Make friends. Don’t you understand? No. Then you can use Lay’s to communicate with them. That’s so wild, man. How did you know Lay’s has a new flavor? Fresh mustard flavor. Let me try. They really are thin and crispy. I used to love the original Lay’s flavor. But let’s put Lay’s aside for now. I can’t. I just can’t. You have to eat Lay’s when you chat. Listen to this. That crunching sound. It’s so lively. There’s no way it’ll get awkward. Then I’ll let Maodou try it first. Why can’t you understand again? Currently, there are 4 teams in the spear camp that have finished performing. And there are 5 teams in the shield camp that have finished performing. The upcoming matches will be even more exciting. Before them, I was never so fascinated by anyone’s anger. I feel a special sense of liberation. Is this my gift? My birthday isn’t here yet. I really regret not filming this lamp. “Stand-up Comedy and Their Friends” is awesome.