EP5-3 FULL：Thầy giáo trung học ma quỷ lại xuất hiện rồi | STAND-UP COMEDY

EP5-3 FULL：Thầy giáo trung học ma quỷ lại xuất hiện rồi | STAND-UP COMEDY

Come on! Let’s welcome with a round of applause. Xiao Qi Hello everyone, I’m Xiao Qi. Hi, everyone. I’m from the northeast. I’m from Fuxin, Liaoning. Have you heard of this city? (No.) Alright. Well, then I haven’t heard of Shanghai either. I don’t really like Fuxin. Because there are no young people. There’s no entertainment. The only bar in Fuxin I’m not even sure if it’s legit. Because it sells spicy hot pot. There aren’t any Werewolf game shops either. In their daily life, it’s just like playing Werewolf. The aging population is really serious. It’s just a bunch of old men and women. They chat in the square every day. Talking about who died last night. Housing prices are really strange too. I bought that house in my hometown. It’s worth 30,000. I bought it for 100,000. Isn’t that crazy? It’s cheap, but the price drops really fast. I keep comforting myself. I say, the good thing about a 100,000 house is, the most I can lose is 100,000. Who would’ve thought the house would leak too? The downstairs neighbor asked me for 8,600. I said, you can have the house. I’ll flood you two more times. It’s hard to find a house like this in a big city. I complain to my friends, you know? I’m in Shanghai. I said my house is so cheap. 30,000 for 60 square meters. He said, so the total price is 1.8 million. I said, the total price is just 30,000. That cheap? My toilet alone cost 32,000. I said, what do you mean by that? My whole family, my mom and dad, don’t live as expensively as your toilet. They all don’t understand the house in my hometown that cost 30,000. One year, I needed money and wanted to sell it, but found out I couldn’t sell it. They probably don’t understand why someone would be short 30,000. It’s not like winning 30,000 in mahjong. Some so-called smart people think they know finance and give me these crooked ideas. They say, “Just take your house and get a mortgage loan on it. Then don’t pay the money back. Wait for the bank to repossess the house, and it’s like you’ve sold it.” I said, how can a house worth 30,000 end up with only 7,800 after fees from the loan? The bank said, “You just need to pay 360 a month.” I said, “I’m not paying it back.” After six months, I’d become a deadbeat who owes 2,100. And I already don’t like taking high-speed trains. And there are no jobs for young people in Fuxin anymore. So my dad thinks there’s only one kind of job in the world that’s a real job, which is getting a government position. Do you know what getting a government job in Northeast China means? It means being part of the elite. It feels like you instantly go from being someone from Fuxin, Liaoning to being a kid from Beijing. I really don’t get it. When I just graduated, my dad tried to spend 150,000 yuan to get me into a government job at a highway toll station. The monthly salary was 1,800 yuan. I asked, Dad, why? 150,000 yuan, that’s like five apartments, just to earn 1,800 a month? My dad said, it’s stable. It’s a “iron rice bowl” job. I think 5,800 would be an iron rice bowl. 1,800 is more like an ear pick. Just because it’s “iron,” that’s all. I think it’s just for the sake of appearances, you know? Because if you want a stable job that pays 1,800 you don’t need to spend 150,000. I could just find any job that pays 3,000 and tell the boss I only want 1,800. Then I could have stability. Even if the boss goes out of business, he’d have to keep me. Because it’s hard to find someone this foolish. He tried to convince me by driving me to see the highway toll booth and said, “Look, this job is easy,” “it’s simple to do.” Honestly, I’m not hiding anything from you all, have you ever seen a highway toll collector up close? There are cameras everywhere, and every movement is strictly regulated. Their smile is especially strange. Right? When a car comes by, they’re there like this, “Hello,” “Safe travels.” I was totally freaked out at the time. I thought, why is he smiling like that? What does that even mean? He wanted to tell me, “Look, I have 150,000,” “but I can’t spend it.” “Don’t you think I’m foolish?” Even though I complained like that, from that imitation, you can all tell that it was me, I really did take that job. But I didn’t spend that money. The scammer who asked for 150,000 was caught and arrested. But after I started, I realized I wasn’t suited for this job at all. Because the management is very strict, and I have ADHD. I’m sure you’ve all noticed by now. I can’t even manage to stop shaking my head when I talk. On my second day at work, I got a warning for picking at my hands. Just for picking at my hands. My friends couldn’t believe it. They asked, “Were you picking at your own boss’s hand?” Like, were you doing it while shaking hands? And I’m especially afraid of covering shifts. When I cover, I have to work 18 hours straight. Guys, do you know what that feels like? There were so many cars that day. I felt like I pulled a muscle in my cheeks from smiling. I was about to grow eight cheek muscles. Then my cheeks started trembling. Because they were exhausted. The drivers were scared just looking at me. Because I was smiling at them like that. Hello. Is anti-fatigue driving really this strict? I thought, if I’m already like this, why did I spend 150,000 to get this job? I might as well just steal 150,000. Then I’d go to jail. Guys, I did the math. The second option is actually better. If I steal 150,000, the most I’d get is six years. But if I spend 150,000, it takes seven years just to break even. In jail, I could even make money working on a sewing machine. I might not have a formal job, but at least I’d have a number. If my dad dared to ask me why I ended up in jail, I’d say, “It’s stable.” And I could even see celebrities there. I thought stability was the only benefit of this job . In my second year on the job, I was replaced by ETC (Electronic Toll Collection) . They made me call people every day. To sell ETC (electronic toll collection). I felt really humiliated. Because I wasn’t even replaced by artificial intelligence. ETC isn’t even smart technology. This thing has been around since the early 2000s. I feel like the wheels of time have already rolled five kilometers ahead, then turned around to run me over. There are still young people in Fuxin. They’ll run you over. So when did I decide to quit this job and start doing stand-up comedy? It was when I went to visit my grandpa’s grave. I realized that life is never stable. It’s full of surprises. According to local customs, we set up a speaker to play for 24 hours. The next day, I went back. The battery had died. It went from chanting “Namo Amitabha” to just “nao” “nao” I said, that’s so creepy. But then I suddenly realized, if I stayed in Fuxin, I’d be like the battery in that speaker. I’d just drain all my energy in one position. But I don’t want to be a battery. I want to be fireworks. I think when I die, I want my ashes made into fireworks. Set them off for me. My kid would probably say, “My dad did stand-up comedy his whole life, and finally exploded.” And I definitely want them to remember me. There should be a speaker at my memorial hall. Just in case it runs out of power, make it voice-activated. Whenever someone comes, play my classic jokes. When my child comes to visit me, they kneel down and say, “Dad, I came to see you.” Hello. Is this place haunted? Yes. It’s too scary, run! Safe travels. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xiao Qi. Bye-bye. Brother Qi has one more light than Maodou. I think he should have won. Come on. Countdown to Xiao Qi’s ticket lock. Let’s give another round of applause to Xiao Qi. Xiao Qi is just so strong with his material, and his performance adds a lot of points for him. And when I watch him during his performance, I actually tried to imitate him several times, the way he tosses his head. Xiao Qi, are you like this normally, or only when you’re on stage? It’s just his own style. I toss my head when I get emotional. Just toss it. Right. So when you shower with a showerhead, do you just dodge the water? Can’t reach it with the water. You really look like a rapper. When he wants to have his own flow, he needs hand gestures to control and emphasize his rhythm. Your style is especially suited for performing in India. Keep shaking. Xiaoqi would be even more popular in India. Xiaoqi, today you talked about highway tolls. What other jobs have you done? Actually, I worked in a photo studio editing photos for children’s photographers. Doing photography design and similar work. I also worked as a carpenter. And as a hair salon assistant. You yourself are… This was your buddy who went? Yes. And the hand-picking thing is real too. Our situations were very similar. When we drank together, I was staying up late every day at the photo studio. Earning 2,000 yuan a month. Working late into the night. He was also at the toll station. And it was far from home. So we really empathized with each other. So how did you get onto the stand-up comedy stage? There was this one time… I was once a legal representative. Also a legal representative. A pharaoh’s person. I was in a photography studio I started one At that time, in that studio in the studio space I lived and worked there And in my studio there was only a mattress Every day, I woke up from the mattress walked to my workstation and started working After finishing the work I would relax for a bit then go back to the mattress to sleep Starting a business Yeah Sometimes I felt like I wouldn’t leave the room for a whole week It was really lonely Even my voice would echo because it was so empty So I looked it up There are those online whether it’s some stand-up comedy shows or events, I went to them and gradually got to know people who started doing stand-up So stand-up comedy is kind of a self-rescue process, right? Yeah, kind of You save yourself Right I think this time actually he’s still far from his best state but even so, he’s still amazing Xiao Qi is someone who’s really bold the kind who can roll all over the stage that kind of performer Usually, actors have to learn to free their nature in the beginning, right? But it feels like he was already free when he was born That’s how I came out As soon as I was delivered “Mom, I’m here!” You’ve been outgoing since you were little, right? Yes Since I was a kid At banquets in Northeast China Since childhood, at those tables No, at the adults’ tables I was always asked to stand up and perform for everyone From his writing, you can feel the texture of that TV drama. Just like that really popular one before, The Long Season, and also Moses on the Plain. Because on most stand-up comedy stages, the Northeast is just a backdrop, just an accent. But I think Xiao Qi makes me at least able to imagine that real feeling of the Northeast. Xiao Qi’s piece seems to be a very special one. It’s because the Northeast is so unique. I believe he is someone with a very rich literary background. He talked about the real estate there, and about that place’s being basically a ghost town. All the young people have left. Only the elderly remain. All of this, actually, you’ve seen it in dramas before. I stayed in Fuxin for four years. Although Shenyang isn’t that prosperous either, but entering Fuxin is still a shock. Because Fuxin’s urban environment at the time was indeed relatively underdeveloped. Shenyang has a subway, but Fuxin barely has any buses. I really couldn’t get used to that city when I arrived. This is the place I mentioned in my story. The house that was sold for thirty thousand yuan. It’s right here among these houses. And over here, There’s something interesting about the houses here. Each building comes with a shed like this. A storage shed. I remember it used to be really tall. It was quite hard for me to climb up. Originally, people stored coal in them. We called them coal sheds. Later, when coal was no longer needed, they started storing old tools, for example, or some useless things, using it as a storage room. I used to live in this room. On the fourth floor of this building. That apartment. This is my mom’s hair salon. I’ve been getting my hair washed here since I was a kid. The shampoo bed is really high. My mom did this for me. She made some adjustments. She raised it up underneath. Because I’m pretty tall. She was worried I’d get tired from bending over. So she made it higher. And then Every time, I’d eat at the cabinet next to it. I always ate really fast. Because the customers were all waiting. We were always busy and stuff. My mom was busy working. Master Zhang was busy with her work. And it was always me and some old customers who watched me grow up. When I was little, I used to sweep the floor. My mom would give me fifty cents. It was like piecework pay. Is this water temperature okay? It’s a bit hot. Is there a direction? Which way should it go? No. Just blow it dry, that’s fine. How old is your son? He was born in 1997. He’s 28. Same age as my daughter. Why didn’t he stay in Shenyang to develop his career? Wouldn’t there be more opportunities in places like Shanghai or Beijing? There are more opportunities there. Originally, on June 10th, I was going to perform in Chengdu. She was going to Chengdu for fun. Everything was already planned. Neither of us discussed it with each other. But the next round of the competition was being recorded during those days. So it ended up clashing. She promised to travel with me. Yeah. I was really happy about it. I originally thought I’d only be in two episodes before getting eliminated. And then I’d travel with you. You advanced so quickly. My son is so talented. That’s worth a like. Once again, thank you to Xiao Qi for the wonderful performance. Let’s also invite Maodou back to the stage. This is really hard to say. Both were excellent. Who will move on to the next round? Let’s take a look at their scores. This is really exciting. This is full of suspense. Who do you think? Xiao Qi, I guess. What about 40 votes? I think Maodou. Maodou? A difference of 8 votes. Very close. Please sit for a moment. Maodou, 278 votes. Congratulations to Maodou for advancing to the next round. It’s the Shield Group again. It’s haunted. Thank you. Brother Dou. Thank you. Xiao Qi. 270 votes. Please wait in the pending area. Tired from performing. Tired from waiting. That’s great. Tired from waiting. 270 is fine, it’s okay. The next performer to take the stage Go for it, Babie! Also has very distinctive traits. His jokes are very down-to-earth. And towards life itself he has such detailed observation and expression. Please welcome with applause. Haha Cao. Hello, everyone. I’m Haha Cao. Some time ago something happened at my house a big little incident What happened? It was during the big cleaning My wife from my old backpack found a love letter Hey, what’s with that look? So the prince can’t have been loved before, huh? Of course, it’s not a love letter in the traditional sense that kind of love letter It was when I was a teenager I had a deskmate She asked me Have you never received a love letter? I said, “No” She said, “Then I’ll write one for you tomorrow” And tomorrow, you write one for me too This doesn’t even seem like a love letter. This feels more like returning a favor. When I was a teenager, no one ever called me handsome. Everyone called me “Fatty.” Even though there were kids in class who were fatter, I was the one who got stuck with the nickname “Fatty.” So I thought there was no way anyone would write me a love letter. I was really worried that the next day, after I wrote one, she would get my love letter and pretend to be surprised. She would say, “Thank you, Fatty. Thank you for your affection. But I still want to focus on my studies.” I was afraid she would do that to “Fatty”— turn me into the “affectionate Fatty.” So, to avoid affecting her studies, I would have no choice but to transfer schools. But I was thinking too badly of people. None of that happened. The next day, I actually received the only love letter I’ve ever gotten in my life. She folded the letter into a little square. There were flowers drawn on the cover, a sun, and clouds. She even wrote a little line in blue pen. She wrote, She said, she wanted to she said she wanted to give me the blue sky and white clouds, all wrapped up as a gift. Actually, if you say you gave me this thing, it’s hard for me to prove that I didn’t receive it. You say it’s not practical either. Just giving things like this. Her letter was quite romantic. She said she likes listening to my voice. If you do this, I kind of can’t keep talking. If you keep doing this, she said my voice is magnetic. She hopes to hear my voice every day. If you all keep doing this, There’s a bigger one coming up. Let me tell you, she also wrote she likes watching me during class when I sleep on the desk. She likes watching me with my lips pouting. She said my lips look dry. She wonders what it would feel like to kiss them. About this letter, I couldn’t fully believe it, to be honest. Because it was written in a somewhat playful tone. But I didn’t throw it away either. I kept this blue sky and white clouds tucked away in my backpack. Almost twenty years have passed in a flash. I’ve always treated it as proof that someone once loved me. Until I learned how to love and be loved. Until my wife found it one day. We were doing a big cleaning at home. I was putting a trash bag on the coffee table. My wife took that envelope and placed it on the coffee table. It was such a small letter, but it felt like it landed with a thud. She asked me, “What is this?” Wait a second, I’ll get you some lip balm. Your lips look a bit dry. Honey. When a cat catches a mouse, it doesn’t eat it right away. It plays with it first. I definitely couldn’t tell her the truth. I said this was the only love letter I’ve ever received in my life. It was proof that someone loved me during my adolescence. I definitely couldn’t tell her that. At that time, I really wanted to destroy the evidence. I said I didn’t know what it was. Maybe it’s potato chips. Do you want some? It’s good to share something fun when chatting. Each chip is thin and crispy. It’s the rich flavor of Lay’s. A new garlic flavor. “Garlic,” I’m begging you. Can we talk about something fun? In the end, she was the one who broke the awkwardness first. She said it seemed like a love letter. I said, I remember now. There was such a letter. I even came across it before. At that time, I thought about throwing it away. But I couldn’t find a trash can then. Then my wife asked me a question As expected from a woman who has watched “Empresses in the Palace” seventy times only she could come up with such a question She asked me at the time “So are you going to keep this or what?” My first reaction was I could still keep it I even thought about framing it at home But then I realized I probably shouldn’t keep it So I was pretty decisive I tore it up right in front of her I tore it into tiny pieces So small that even if I went through the trash at night there would be no way to piece it back together My wife is so cute She was standing next to me saying “You really tore it up” “Isn’t that a bit much?” But she was just saying that She didn’t actually try to stop me She just stood there without moving I felt I really needed to put an end to the past At that moment, I realized that adult love is no longer a multiple-choice question it’s a proof I had to destroy this proof that I was once loved by someone else to prove that I love her Seeing how happy my wife was I felt that it was all truly worth it It’s just a love letter Tearing it up is no big deal It’s fine I’ve memorized it anyway Later, when we talked about this, she also said she said I really didn’t need to tear it up. I could have just kept it. I asked her again, I said, what if one day I found your love letter? What would you do? She said, you won’t find it. When I was telling this story, I actually had some concerns. Not that I was worried that people would think my relationship with my wife isn’t good. What I was most worried about was if my old deskmate saw this part on TV and after more than ten years tagged me in our silent class group chat. She said, Fatty, you didn’t take it seriously, did you? Thank you, everyone. I’m Affectionate Fatty. Thank you, everyone. Make the most of the final voting time. Vote for Haha Cao’s performance. Cast your valuable vote. Haha Cao, the voting channel is now open. It’s because I love Haha Cao so much. I really like him. But throughout the whole process, it sounded warm and cute. There was also a bit of sadness. And then it’s that kind of bittersweet story. A bittersweet story. Because earlier I just your expressions at the very beginning, and those feelings, we all felt that vibe. It was especially cute. Teacher Luo was so happy listening here. Yes. Because I was just sitting here thinking, that script, if it wasn’t someone like you, someone cute and well-liked by the audience telling it, maybe if someone else told it, it would feel a bit off-putting. But while you were speaking, it was incredibly harmonious and very likable. Really. I just think the density of jokes wasn’t enough. Because you have a very likable quality, and it’s easy to touch people’s hearts. So everyone enjoyed listening. Just now, when I looked at Teacher Luyu, when the two of us made eye contact, we didn’t say anything, but our expressions were probably the same. We both felt that three lights would be more appropriate. I understand. Four lights would be a bit too much. After hesitating for a long time, I thought I’d be the “bad guy” this time. So I believe when this airs, many fans of Haha Cao will say, “That chubby guy didn’t…” with that fatherly look on his face, didn’t press the light again. Maybe the topic was too far from his age. A comment above said, “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Let me share an interesting fact with everyone. It’s quite interesting. There’s a song you can look up online. The name of the song is “Cool Lover,” right? Thank you. Cool Lover As for “Cool Lover,” it was performed by a famous rapper. That person is Haha Cao. It’s like this. Between a person and their lover, a conflict happened. He was in a lot of pain. Then he poured out all his feelings to his lover. But I never expected in my life that in a love song I would hear a word like “luosifen”. He wrote, “I’m really worried that a scooter might hit you. I’m sitting in a luosifen shop, smoking one cigarette after another. At the entrance—no, In Changsha, we can’t smoke indoors. We don’t smoke indoors. I said it wrong. Then I kept sending you texts and WeChat messages. Come on, repeat it for us. Or sing it. Give us a bit. Just a bit. Rapper Give us a verse. When was this song released? I’m really grateful for this song. That show from last year. Didn’t I say I was a rapper in the first episode? Then Tencent Music, QQ Music, came to our studio to sign us. They signed us for an album. Studio. Yeah. This was the first song I wrote back then. Can we hear a bit of it? This is rap too, right? Okay. Just sing it, right? Because rap values a cappella. A cappella. We can do a verse, sure. It’s raining outside the window. I hope you’re thinking of yourself like I think of you. Catching a flight in the morning. Flying through the clouds, I want to see you. I need courage. To take out a burning heart. With just a few words from you, I’m acting happy in a tragedy. This time, I didn’t go after you. Watching your back slowly fade away. My heart shatters on the ground. Still worried an e-bike might hit you. Your carefree silhouette. I can’t remember how many times it’s been. I’m sitting in a snail noodle shop, smoking one cigarette after another. Yeah, did I write it clearly? It’s not Teacher Luyu’s fault. You just didn’t write it clearly. I’m sitting at the entrance of the snail noodle shop. It didn’t meet my expectations. Maybe it didn’t have the effect I wanted. I didn’t make it the best it could be. On stage, I like to talk about my friends, my wife, and my child. When I talk about them, I feel like we are far apart, like Changsha is far from Shanghai, but in that moment, she’s right by my side. It feels really nice. When Haha Cao performed, I was probably the one who teared up the whole time. And that line of his kept touching me. He said, now he knows love isn’t a choice, love is proof. Haha Cao’s piece is different. It’s not the kind of script that makes you laugh out loud. It’s not explosive. Not the kind that gets big laughs. It’s the kind that makes you smile throughout the whole performance. I really like it. I like it a lot. I’ve received them before. Probably quite a few times. I don’t think I’ve ever written a love letter to a boy. I have written love letters. I think I’ve received some. I’ve received them. Yes, I’ve received them. Because in high school, I really liked a boy back then. So I wrote a love letter. Then I asked a boy from my class to give it to him. Because that boy in my class and him were probably good friends. He had his good friend give it to me. Then I ended up liking his good friend. It was probably meant for me. Inside my English homework notebook, someone secretly slipped in a little note. It was really cliché, just from the first time I met you, they probably just complimented me. The kind of person who’s really sunny, and really funny. I was already pretty funny as a kid. This male classmate passed a message to me, saying he already liked someone else. At the time, I just thought, “Alright then.” So I took the love letter back. On it, there was a line written, something really simple. It was like, for example, “You look so cute today,” something like that. Thinking about it now, it’s incredibly embarrassing. There were some descriptions about missing someone, like, when you’re not here, here’s what I did today, just what I did. And at the end, it would say, “I wish you were here with me.” I’ve written way too many love letters. The most important thing, if you get married, especially if you get married, is to write love letters. It’s really important. I just think that useless things and spur-of-the-moment things are the things most worth doing. Actually, just now everyone started a particularly interesting discussion. No one has ever set a fixed mold for how an actor must be. On this stage, he can have all kinds of styles. The key is whether it can move people. Let’s take a look. After Haha Cao’s performance, the number of votes he received Alright. We need to start the mic grab. Spear team. Go ahead and draw a ball. I want to see him draw a ball. Mic grab countdown. Drawing the little balls again. Standing up. So many. Oh my god. Come on. Four people have issued a challenge. Haha Cao, what is your choice? You guys play rock-paper-scissors. I really don’t dare to pick anyone anymore. I’ve got PTSD. Teacher Zhang. I don’t dare to pick anyone. Just one round. One round. Rock-paper-scissors. Shake-shake ding-ding shell. Rock-paper-scissors. Rock-paper-scissors. Paper. Paper. It’s the finals. It’s still a knockout round. Stand-up comedy and their rock-paper-scissors. Cute, very cute. The cute category. Please welcome Xiaodie with applause. Good luck! Hello everyone. I’m Xiaodie. The “die” from “butterfly.” It took me a while to get on stage. Because my dress is too long. So today, I’m going to roast plus-size women’s clothing. My size is XXXL. The same size as Haha Cao. He’s tall and big. I’m not tall. But my size is still large. Actually, I really hate telling others my height and weight. But I’ve noticed that plus-size women’s clothing shop owners really don’t trust their customers. Even after I’ve placed an order, they still keep asking about my height and weight. I said, 156, 165. The chatbot turned into a real customer service agent. They asked me which one is my height. I said, does it really matter? There was another time that was even more ridiculous. They asked me, So are you 165 kilograms or 165 jin? I checked their product page, and the largest size fits up to 350 jin. That’s 10XL. This shop owner really thinks big. I asked her, Are there really that many people over 300 jin? The shop owner said, When I was your weight, I never thought I could reach 300 jin myself. Don’t set limits for yourself either. As a fellow overweight person, I can understand her aggressiveness. At the same time, I’m really curious about that 10XL-sized clothing. I’m genuinely curious. I bought one to try it on. The cut of that clothing is really strange. It’s extremely loose. I’m someone who weighs over 160 jin, and I was swimming in the clothes. But the collar is extremely tight. I’m over 160 jin, and a piece of clothing meant for someone over 300 jin was choking my neck. I’m really curious, how could someone over 300 jin have a neck thinner than mine? Who exactly is this clothing designed for? After thinking it over, it must be for a 300-jin red-crowned crane, or maybe a 300-jin bottle of enema solution. Then I also discovered the design logic of plus-size women’s clothing is also very strange. Especially when it comes to pants. They just assume the bigger the waist, the longer the pant legs. It’s as if when I gain weight, I also get taller. So I often have to go to a tailor to shorten my pants. After a few visits, the tailor started asking me, “Why is it you again?” I said, “The pants are too long.” She said, “Then buy shorter ones.” I said, “The shorter ones don’t fit my waist.” She said, “Then buy ones that fit your waist.” I said, “I did.” “That’s why I came to you to alter them.” Then I gradually realized that when I buy one pair of pants, I end up with four pant legs. The two extra pant legs can even be made into two skirts. And in order to find pants that fit both my waist and length reasonably well, I had to get creative. I came up with a good idea. I just buy size 170 cropped pants. And even size 180 capri pants. At the most extreme, I started buying two-meter-long shorts. I think the main reason is the models in plus-size women’s clothing stores are all exceptionally skinny. There was this one time I watched a plus-size women’s clothing sales livestream. The host weighed at most 45 kilograms. Watching her sell plus-size clothes I suddenly felt even Maodou could sell weight loss products. It was that streamer. She even put something on her stomach. She put on a huge fake belly. Then she patted her belly and said, “Right now, I probably weigh about 160 jin.” When I saw that, the way she looked, her belly was huge, but her neck was really thin. All I could think of were three words. Enema solution. I felt like she was insulting me. Because I weigh over 160 jin myself. We chubby people are just fat, we haven’t mutated. We’re not that deformed. That kind of “enema solution” body shape, I think it matches not us plus-size girls, but middle-aged beer bellies. Then that female streamer turned her back to the camera, put on a dress, and then took off her big fake belly. She turned around and said, “Our dress design is just that good. Even the biggest belly disappears instantly.” Where did it disappear to? I saw everything. She just put it on the chair next to her. My belly can’t be taken off like that. How can a real belly and a fake belly be the same? I sent a comment at that time. I said, Can you let the assistant try on this dress? The assistant should weigh over 160 jin. Right after I said that, the assistant kicked me out of the livestream. I was really angry at that moment. So I immediately went to report the livestream. I tried three different reasons. At first, I said they were committing financial fraud. Then I tried personal attack. None of the reports went through. Later, I changed to another reason. I said their livestream was lifting clothes and exposing stomachs. The livestream was inappropriate. That worked. And then I found some even more outrageous livestreams. The plus-size women’s clothing models were actually men, and even some foreigners. I thought this was just absurd. What kind of clothes make it so the target customers aren’t comfortable appearing on camera themselves? I searched the whole internet. Besides plus-size women’s clothing, the only other kind is burial clothes. There must be plus-size burial clothes too. For plus-size women’s clothing, just finding a real fat person already makes them so unwilling. For plus-size burial clothes, you’d have to find a dead fat person. That’s a bit heavy. Let me change my tone, then. Dead fat person. I follow a lot of plus-size bloggers. And some plus-size shop owners too. I really hope there are some real plus-size girls to set things straight in this industry. So lately, I’ve been a bit upset. Because at a plus-size shop I often buy from, the owner suddenly lost weight. She really did get thinner. It’s hard for me to lose weight. She sells plus-size women’s clothes while secretly dieting herself. She betrayed me. Turns out, she wasn’t the naive one. I was the naive one. I’m shopping at her store now and it feels like everything has changed. When I look at her clothes now, it all seems like stuff she’d release after losing weight. Old clothes. This feeling is really intense. It’s like if Yu Hua suddenly wrote a book called “Dead.” I wrote this bit because I realized that everyone seems to assume the smallest size is the best size. And people keep saying that clothes don’t look good if you’re chubby. But maybe if you’re just a little bit bigger, designers have already started not putting effort into designing clothes for you. So, we shouldn’t blame ourselves. We just need to be ourselves. And I hope plus-size brands can make good clothes too. Alright, that’s all for now. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xiaodie. Thank you. Let’s give Xiaodie a round of applause. Countdown to Xiaodie’s ticket-locking channel. Teacher Luyu There’s something I’d like to discuss with Xiaodie. You mentioned earlier, because that person actually wasn’t plus-sized herself, and she wore a fake belly. So you felt very angry. I can understand that what you were mocking is that sometimes the platform will shut down a livestream, that mechanism. Actually, it has many strange and bizarre reasons. I think if you added a bit more or another joke, and shifted the focus there, otherwise, as a listener, when I hear it, I might think those two people are just doing business. Actually, Xiaodie, I feel quite sad about this. Because I’ve seen her before in some offline recordings. She was exceptionally outstanding. Not just ordinarily outstanding. I also didn’t expect a situation where none of the four lights turned on. She was originally, one of my top picks for this season. Yeah. But starting from the last round, I felt like Xiaodie wasn’t really adapting to the recording. But think back, back when China’s stand-up scene had Zhou Qimo, the top performer, even he struggled to adapt in the first round. That’s right. And then, among China’s top female contestants, even Xiaolu had trouble adapting at first. She wasn’t used to it in the beginning either. So I believe Xiaodie might just need some time to adjust. Why do I feel like you’re trying to comfort me? I’m actually not upset at all. No, I’m just being honest. That’s just what came to mind. Because this script is really, really new. I just finished writing it three days ago. Since I don’t know how many rounds I’ll last here, I really want to speak up for us plus-size girls. Yes. Because I really have worn them those clothes with really great tailoring that actually fit my body type So I really can’t stand those who are fake about it They have a stereotype about plus-size people They think plus-size people are only big in the stomach and they don’t consider anything else It’s actually their oversight Yang Tianzhen’s women’s clothing is actually quite nice Yes, I’m wearing her clothes I just want to say that in the plus-size women’s clothing industry there aren’t many who are truly passionate about it There really aren’t many So after she lost weight I actually felt a little bit sad inside or maybe a bit worried afraid she won’t focus on good tailoring anymore So I wanted to come on the show to encourage her Yes, I just hope she keeps doing a good job Because this dress I really like it It looks really good on me Thanks again to Xiaodie for bringing us this performance A stand-up comedy performance that can spark discussion among everyone and become a topic people talk about and seriously think about that’s what makes a good stand-up comedy topic Thanks again to Xiaodie And also Haha Cao please come back to the stage After both of their performances are over we will take a look at their votes. Alright, Haha Cao versus Xiao Die. Please watch. Congratulations to Haha Cao for advancing smoothly. Xiao Die will temporarily return to the waiting area. Welcome. What a relief. It’s okay, that was awesome. It’s fine, I’m really not upset. Honestly, it’s pretty nice. I want to make a change. Everyone always thinks plus-size girls should have a cute style. That kind of stereotype. If it were me, I prefer the Y2K spicy girl style. The more plus-size a girl is, the more she should show some skin appropriately. And show off some of her strengths. That’s how you get positive feedback. Yeah, I think what Xiaodie did is really worth talking about. Because I’m also part of the plus-size community. At my heaviest, I weighed 210 jin when I was “Fat Bro.” She spoke up for her community. She did something amazing. For us, this stage is so precious. She doesn’t just want to speak for herself. She wants to speak for many people. She wants this topic to be seen by more people. To get more discussion. Then it has the chance to change things. So when I saw her on stage, even when the votes weren’t great, she still stayed very calm. She finished her performance perfectly. I really admire her. Everyone, just now it was the shield again. So it’s still people coming out from the shield. This friend actually left us with a deep impression in the last round because he started a new style of stand-up comedy script called “feel-good stand-up” and it’s said to be innovative Let’s give a round of applause for Wu Ding Hello, everyone My name is Wu Ding Hello to the friends on the second floor Thank you for your effort I’m 27 years old this year I recently noticed some of my peers who are parents have started forcing their kids into extracurricular classes I have an older brother He signed his child up for a children’s public speaking class in our hometown, a fourth-tier city It costs 50,000 yuan a year I was completely shocked It’s charged by the hour I said, how is this about expression? Isn’t this just running up the meter? I found it really strange I said, does it really cost 50,000 to learn this? If you really want to express yourself you might as well give the money to me I’ll teach your kid stand-up comedy Right? You give me 50,000 Not to mention teaching him to perform Even if he just talks and I crawl, that’s fine We could even do a manzai act together This stuff is great If we do it well, we could even make it to the Spring Festival Gala When I was a child When I was six years old my dad took me to the youth center to sign up for extracurricular classes. He looked at the wall full of classes and asked me which one I wanted to learn. I said I wanted to learn street dance. It’s really cool. He said, “Right,” “math is indeed pretty good.” I thought, “When did this old man go deaf?” I said I wanted to learn street dance. Street dance. He said, “If you think that way, you’re wrong.” “Street dance isn’t good, it doesn’t improve your grades.” “It’s useless and even dangerous.” “Every year, several people die from street dancing.” “Math is good.” “Math improves your grades and it’s safe.” “Think about it carefully.” “Don’t you want to learn math?” “Don’t you want to learn math?” At that time, I didn’t know what I wanted to study. But I knew what he wanted me to study. He still wouldn’t give up. He saw that I was still unwilling. He said, “Listen carefully.” “This isn’t ordinary math.” “This is Olympiad math.” “Do you know what Olympiad math is?” “Ultraman will teach you math.” I said, “I want to learn.” “I want to learn math with Ultraman.” He coaxed and tricked me into signing up for an Olympiad math class. It was only on the first day of class that I realized it was actually the Mathematical Olympiad competition. The first problem we learned was called “Chickens and Rabbits in the Same Cage.” The teacher read the problem on stage. He said, “Put chickens and rabbits into the same cage.” “First, count a total of 36 heads.” “Then, count a total of 100 legs.” “Now, figure out how many chickens and rabbits there are.” After hearing this, I raised my hand. I said, “Teacher, there’s a problem with this question.” “This question doesn’t need to be calculated.” “You can finish at the step where you count the heads.” “I know what chickens and rabbits look like.” “I can tell by their faces.” “When you normally count heads,” “you should be able to tell them apart, right?” “This is a chicken, that’s a rabbit.” “Chicken, rabbit.” “Chicken, rabbit.” “What kind of fool would count like this?” “Head, head, head, head, head, head, head, head, head…” They’re all heads. We need to do some calculations. The teacher said, “This student…” Then, according to your logic, when solving this problem, if you don’t know chickens and rabbits, how would you handle it? I said, first get to know chickens and rabbits. With that level of intelligence, don’t bother with math olympiad. At least distinguish between animals. The teacher said, “Don’t worry.” Listen to how clever math can solve this. He said you can use the method of assumption. Assume all the heads are chicken heads. Thirty-six chickens would have seventy-two legs. But there are a total of one hundred legs. What if there are extra legs? Give the extra legs back to the chickens. Each chicken gets two legs. Then it becomes a rabbit. See how many rabbits you can make. That’s the concept of forming a rabbit. This method is really ingenious. But the problem was, I was too young at the time. I couldn’t understand. When I listened to people talk back then, I could only understand the literal meaning. So when the teacher said, if you put two more legs on a chicken, it can become a rabbit, I got lost in the math. I thought about it for a long time. I just couldn’t figure it out. I’ve seen chickens before. I grew up in the countryside as a child. I raised chickens. There were no chickens that could transform. We also slaughtered chickens for the New Year. That never happened. When we caught a chicken and were about to kill it, the chicken never said, “Wait a minute,” and then took out two extra legs and attached them. Oops, my mistake. Now it has four legs. It’s a rabbit. But when we caught you, you were clearly a chicken. But now it’s a little bunny. That’s why I was eliminated in the first round last year. I had my own artistic interpretation. I even argued with the teacher at the time. I said, “Teacher, a chicken can’t turn into a rabbit.” The teacher said, “In this problem,” “a chicken can become a rabbit.” I said, “A chicken can’t become a rabbit anywhere.” If you want to change, you go ahead. Anyway, odd changes, even doesn’t. So I was eliminated again in the revival round. At least I have my own artistic persistence. But at that time, the teacher couldn’t hold on anymore. They switched to a more efficient way of communication. Can you change? They asked if you could change. My child gets smarter after being scolded. I said, “I can change, I can change.” If the chicken doesn’t change, I’ll change. Stop hitting me. It really feels awful. I hate learning Olympiad math. And a lot of my peers around me are also attending these kinds of extracurricular classes. But actually, they’re classes the parents are interested in. This kind of forced learning method only brings pressure and pain. It only brings pressure and pain. I really hate Olympiad math. Later, I even looked it up. Who actually invented Olympiad math? One theory is that it was invented by the Soviets. In 1935, a Soviet educator proposed combining the Olympic spirit with math competitions. That’s how the Olympiad math education model was invented. He aimed to use this educational method to cultivate outstanding talent and promote national development. In 1991, the Soviet Union was gone. The Soviet Union studied Olympiad math for 56 years. And only learned the first step. “Solution.” Thank you, everyone. I’m Wu Ding. Thank you. Countdown for Wu Ding’s ticket-locking channel. Wu Ding, today… Twice I called out to my past self from last year Because of artistic persistence Yes Holding a grudge Holding a grudge against myself I feel like Maybe a lot of people are His last popular stand-up was the one about micro-dramas Yeah, yeah, yeah The short drama one The one about “life relying on imagination” left a very, very deep impression Is this also the reason Chun Chun and Teacher Luo didn’t press the light? I am Because last time, Wu Ding’s short drama bit was just too wild The glow of cash shoots straight into the sky Greetings, Divine Lord So I’m really looking forward to him Because you’ve seen him go wild You know what he’s like when he goes crazy So for today I think he was a bit calmer I still hope he He was too normal, right? Yeah, way too normal I just hope he can be a bit crazier Yeah The roof is on fire Do you feel that way yourself, Wu Ding? Actually, not really Because people can’t be crazy all the time Because this topic itself is a pretty serious topic It’s just that I think back then I just really hated going to training classes I learned a lot of things When I was a kid, I learned things like electronic keyboard calligraphy, watercolor painting math olympiad, guitar but I couldn’t stick with any of them because I didn’t like any of them so every day was miserable At times like that I kept questioning a lot of that kind of education But I… Really I really like Wu Ding Especially last time I think you found the best quote in the world that all the beauty in the world relies on imagination After I went back, I felt how true that is what a great thing to say That’s why I said your performance in the last round left a deep impression on everyone Yes and raised expectations even higher Yes And I hope because I pressed the light this time I just hope maybe this time he wasn’t as good as last time but I hope he can be inspired Wu Ding can bring out something really great I hope in the upcoming performances we can all see you I also wanted to show a different style Because last time, Teacher Luyu didn’t press the light This time she did, and I’m quite happy So in two rounds, I got all four lights He can do it He holds grudges in great detail Yes He remembers everything very clearly Please wait a moment Let’s check Wu Ding’s votes This is already less than 290 votes Come on Mao Team Choose one out of three Wu Ding, now the choice is in your hands It’s really hard to choose Which one do the audience want to see? (Caicai) Caicai Everyone wants to see Caicai Alright The only thing I can do is to let the audience have their wish come true, okay? Caicai then, come on Here comes Caicai Last season, this performer talked about the shame around sanitary pads and left a deep impression on everyone She always manages, in life’s awkward moments to find inspiration for her stand-up Let’s give a round of applause for Caicai Hello, everyone I’m Caicai Hello I’m from Guizhou. We people from Guizhou really love eating hotpot. Even in the hottest summer, we still have to eat hotpot. As we keep eating, I notice the men around me start losing their shirts. This hotpot doesn’t just burn your mouth, it burns your eyes too. There’s less and less meat on the table, and more and more on the stools. Sometimes it even scares me afterwards. Where did the gray tank top of the guy next to me go? What I just ate— was it really tripe? I get a little nervous. Because I don’t know how many seconds to cook a tank top. But I really envy them. Because I think they’re so carefree. Because even if I just show a little bit of my bra strap, I feel extremely embarrassed. And bra straps, you know, they’re so unreliable. The more nervous I get, the more they slip down. Like during an interview, or in a meeting, always at the most critical moments, the strap falls down. And there was even one time my strap didn’t just slip down the hook was too loose and it fell straight to the floor it was a thin white strap I was in a meeting with a client at the time it was so embarrassing I tried to pretend nothing happened but then the male colleague next to me quietly leaned over to remind me “Your charging cable fell.” Then I had just breathed a sigh of relief when he bent down to pick it up for me This was the first time I hoped a man wouldn’t be a gentleman or nearsighted But he picked it up and looked at it closely His hand shook and he threw it back to me I felt like this charging cable was leaking electricity I never understood why a single piece of underwear costs a hundred or two sometimes even more than a hundred yet even the straps can’t stay in place Until recently when I started frequently telling this joke Then big data started recommending me a product called a bra strap holder Just listen to that name It sounds like a tongue twister Bra strap holder Big sister helps little sister pick wheat Some strange comedy techniques But I wonder if it’s because the straps keep slipping so that’s why the holders are selling so well Otherwise, if the bra straps show what’s so embarrassing about that? Is it because it makes people think of breasts? But aren’t breasts pretty common? What are breasts? Breasts are like scrambled eggs Tomato and scrambled eggs Isn’t this your favorite? I understand. Sorry. But I realized, if you’re not embarrassed, you don’t need to spend money to solve the embarrassment. For example, I have a male friend who works out. In summer, he only wears one kind of clothing. It’s those really sexy gym tank tops. The armholes are really big. They hang all the way down to his hips. This friend of mine, I’m just about chest height compared to him. And when it’s really windy in the summer, if I walk next to him, I can often feel the wind blowing through his tank top right through. When the wind passes, I can see his chest. I remember one time, the two of us were waiting at a crosswalk. I was on his left. On his right, there was a girl about my height. A gust of wind blew through. Our eyes met. Both the girl and I were stunned. Then we both burst out laughing. The guy saw us laughing and he was confused too. He asked me, “Do you two know each other?” I said, “No, we don’t.” We just made eye contact. And saw everything in one glance. But he wasn’t embarrassed at all. He never even considered saying whether he should get a chest pad to cover up. Instead, after a while, he ran up to me and flexed his chest muscles. He said he worked out for an hour today and they were about to explode. I really think he’s so dramatic. If chest muscles could actually explode, when he goes through airport security, they’d have to be removed. Then the security checkpoint would need two boxes. One for lighters, and one for pectoral muscles. But I’m still envious. Because I think if a guy has a great body, he can wear a sexy tank top. But if his body is like the Laughing Buddha, he can still wear a sexy tank top. It’s completely different for women. For example, on Taobao, the two best-selling types of bras one makes small chests look bigger, the other makes big chests look smaller. Right? And these bras are actually hard to wear. So for us women, the first thing we do when we get home is take off our bras. Then I noticed my roommate her transformation is huge. She can even manage to be a C cup in the morning and an A cup at night. That includes me too. In the past, just to make my bust look better, I would wear those push-up bras, and lifting bras. After all that adjusting, I did succeed. I successfully made my bust look pleasing to others. And I’m a C (size). I’m talking about my stand-up comedy level. And then there’s me. Before, just to fight gravity, I would even wear those really tight underwire bras. Then one time I went for a breast exam, and the doctor told me that this kind of bra compresses your body and increases the risk of developing breast lumps. I know for guys, this is probably too much information. It just increases the risk of this. But actually, at first, he didn’t tell me directly. He asked me a question. He said, “What are you wearing?” I was totally stumped. I just blurted out, Even now, thinking about it makes me want to scream from embarrassment. I said, “Doesn’t it look good?” The way the doctor looked at me then, it felt like the underwire wasn’t just pressing on my body, but my brain. But actually, the only one whose brain was ever squeezed by a metal band was Sun Wukong. Just imagine, if Sun Wukong were a woman, that golden headband would become two, made into an underwire bra, worn on her chest. The secret of the Great Sage. Then it would go with her little leopard-print skirt even better That works And every time she shouts “Monster!” “Take my staff, Monkey King style!” And when she raises the golden staff her shoulder strap falls down Then the monster would say “You’re the little monster!” But what I want to say is the chest is just a part of our body just one body part, right? Actually, everyone has one Men have them too They also come in different sizes It’s just that they don’t wear bras so they don’t know their chest size So I was thinking what kind of way could help us have a more relaxed attitude about chests and be more open about it? I wondered, what if we used it for grouping? Like, for example, the show’s competition rules grouping people by chest size That would be a real breakout competition But if we did it by eye I’d end up in the same group as Maodou But after thinking it over I still think it won’t work It just won’t work We can’t define people by their bodies, right? Because if we do that I’m afraid we’ll miss out on men’s talents and only see their chests That’s all I have to say Thank you, everyone Wish you all happiness We won. Cai Cai. Ticket locking channel is open. Thank you. Cai Cai, why did you choose this topic this time? Ever since I was little, I’ve been troubled by this. For example, when I was in middle school, I was chatting with a close male friend. As we were talking, I stomped my foot, and I noticed his gaze was like a cat teaser toy. So I really wanted to talk about it. Because I want to bring this issue out into the open. I think it’s something that truly bothers me. So I wanted to talk about it. Really, the tomato and egg stir-fry part was really successful. This part, the joke about Teacher Da, was something we discussed with the writers. It’s a gift for you. Thank you. I was totally stunned at the time. I asked, “Is this my gift?” My birthday hasn’t even come yet. I really like it. Thank you. My feeling is that girls often have body image anxiety. Small breasts want to become bigger Big breasts want to become smaller Big breasts want to become smaller And then you have to wear this underwire bra Then when she went for a check-up The words the doctor said I think she turned it around It’s a powerful statement What this underwire is pressing on is actually not your chest it’s your mind I think this point is made especially powerfully Thank you, teacher Of course, her jokes are already very frequent Those things that sound all jumbled up are actually also You’re the real little trickster also points that really make you want to hit the light If you think carefully, they’re actually very logical I’d like to add something. A few days ago, I was talking with a female guest. During our conversation, she mentioned that when she was a child, when she played basketball, she said that every time she took a shot, there would be a lot of boys waiting under the basket for her to shoot. Because of her figure, compared to other girls, she might have developed a bit earlier. She said that because of this, she was afraid of being watched near the basket. So she would shoot from far away. She actually developed a really solid three-point shooting skill. If you ask any girl, if she’s especially tall, she definitely hunches her shoulders while growing up. It’s really hard to be completely at ease. And then think about it, from childhood to adulthood, our cost of living is quite high. Because underwear is expensive. To find one that’s really comfortable, fits well, and is appropriate, actually, we have to spend a lot of money on it from a young age. I think on the stand-up comedy stage, the girls are especially adorable. The topics they talk about are really diverse. And they’re very bold in what they say. I never imagined that one day we could talk together about women’s underwear. I never thought about it. So I feel a kind of special sense of liberation. Why did I choose “spear”? I think humor needs to have some satire. That “sting,” it has to have something sharp. I think the stage is a shield, and stand-up comedy is the spear. It ensures that on this stage, when I speak, I won’t be interrupted or attacked. After Caicai’s performance, Wu Ding returned to the stage. Let’s take a look at the results after Wu Ding and Caicai’s performances. Their voting results. An excellent result: 272 votes. Congratulations to Caicai for advancing to the next round. Congratulations to the “Spear” team for gaining a new member. Finally, there’s someone in the team. Please have a seat. Wu Ding needs to take a short break. There wasn’t really any problem with my own performance. I think I’ve done everything I could. The result might not be very good. But I did my best. Some people said that in your first round you were quite unique. People might have expectations for you. Because whether it’s a performance or a show, it’s actually a one-shot deal. Before that, there might have always been various problems. But with the right timing and circumstances, everything just clicked with the audience. But if you don’t do well in that round, every part of your act could become a problem. So I don’t really have any regrets. I feel like in both rounds, he was a bit out of his element. Compared to the Wu Ding I saw offline, the charm he showed in these rounds wasn’t even one-fifth of what he has in the theater. It’s a bit of a pity. Many performers are worth seeing live to really experience their charisma. Honestly, so now it’s time for the Spear Team to send someone to compete. The friend who is about to go on stage is very interesting. A legal professional who wants to be a screenwriter. Being a screenwriter isn’t easy. But being in legal affairs is also full of challenges. Let’s give a warm round of applause to welcome Sun Xi. Hello, everyone. My name is Sun Xi. I work as a corporate legal counsel. The kind that’s in high demand for stand-up comedy. A legal counsel friend. Actually, I’ve been working for over ten years. But I’ve never really felt a sense of accomplishment. Because years of work experience have taught me a very important lesson. The law is sacred and inviolable. But legal counsel isn’t. The most grueling job I’ve ever had was collecting debts at a company that went bust. At that time, we suddenly faced over 200 risk-related lawsuits. Billions in payments hadn’t been recovered. My boss just threw a stack of court judgments at me and told me to go collect the debts. I really couldn’t accept this work assignment at the time. So I cornered my boss for three days trying to get an explanation. Then my boss said, “Xiao Sun, look at your mental state— you’re perfect for debt collection.” Then I was exiled to the newly established debt collection department. That was basically our company’s version of exile to Ningguta. Our manager had his own unique ideas about team building. So in our department, there were the unpopular ones, the ones who had made mistakes, the big guys, the unattractive ones, and those who, at a glance, looked especially loyal but not very bright. There was also a guy who originally didn’t need to join us, but he got drunk and bragged about learning taekwondo as a kid. He was immediately transferred to our team as the team leader. When I was at work, I often felt dazed, like I was working on the set of a gangster movie. Back then, I was a bit arrogant, because I was the only one in the team with a law master’s from a 211 university. But you know what? When I stood with them, I actually fit right in. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, staring at my own face, I just want to say, Sun Xi, have you blended into society a little too quickly? You’re way too streetwise now. And you all understand, even though we look a bit rough around the edges, we’re actually the underdogs in the company. I remember the first time we tried to collect a debt, we were so nervous. We wanted to ask two security guards to come with us, but we were turned down right away. Because our company also owed money to others, the security guards had to stay and protect the bosses. And collecting debts is really tough. Especially for the legal department. Just think about it, how could legal staff possibly collect debts? We’ve learned so many legal restrictions, so we’re very cautious in our actions. You know, every time I try to collect a debt, I mainly rely on persuasion and trying to move people emotionally. And when necessary, I even have to beg a little. Before I started doing this, I always thought the saying “debt collectors are the underdogs” was just a joke. Until I met over 200 grandpas and grandmas. They really are all amazing. Seriously. Each of them has more than one grandson. So every time we go to collect debts, we’re like the Calabash Brothers. We gather around Grandpa. Each kid has their own special abilities. But none of us can get the money back from Grandpa. Of course, it’s not like we’re always this helpless every time. I’ve had some highlights in my career too. There was this one time when our company had to go out of town to collect a debt. They rented us a big, tall truck. It drove us out to the suburbs. We were packed full, standing on the back of that truck. That was my first time riding in a convertible. I was carrying legal documents on my back. They were my legal weapons. The others stood behind me. Holding whatever other weapons they could find. I got too caught up in the moment. I even forgot I was a legal officer. I just felt incredibly fired up. I thought, today we’re definitely going to do something big. Then we were spotted by the police. They said there was a suspected gang gathering in the suburbs. I was quite young back then. I was a perfectionist in everything I did. So when the police labeled me as a suspected gangster, I felt really ashamed. I said, Why are we only suspected gangsters? Where did we slip up? That really underestimates our abilities. It sounds like we’re just cosplaying as gangsters. At the time, the police were really worried we’d use violence to collect debts. I told them, you really don’t need to worry about that. We’re just gangsters, not law-ignorant. You might not believe it, but I’m actually a legal officer. The police were even more surprised when they heard that. What kind of gang has its own legal officer? Later, the police asked us to register. Our personal information. Then, when it came to filling in our occupation, I hesitated. Between “thug” and “legal affairs,” I didn’t know what to write. I had never thought before that “thug” would become one of my career options. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with sadness. I thought of my teacher and all the advice they gave me. Didn’t they say that as long as I studied hard, I wouldn’t have to do this kind of thing? That day, we set out in the morning and didn’t get home until 3 a.m. And we still had to work the next day. At that moment, I was especially angry. Because I realized that pretending to be thugs was even harder than being real thugs. Real thugs only need to come out at night. Have you ever seen a thug working at 8 a.m.? Then I worked at that company for a year and a half. I hardly ever managed to collect any money. If I did get some by accident, it would come with unexpected troubles. There was this one time when a debtor was especially cooperative. He even offered to use his company’s revenue for the month to pay off his debt to us. I was really touched. Then I received 500. Were you all, like me, waiting for an extra zero at the end? Nope. It was just 500. He owed us over a hundred million, but only paid us 500. That 500 felt to me like it wasn’t for paying off debt, but more like New Year’s money from my grandpa. According to company policy, every repayment had to be accurately recorded in the head office’s debt registration form. But since it was my first time filling out the form, I didn’t know it used ten thousand as the unit. It only accepted whole numbers. So when I entered that 500, as soon as I typed it in, it turned into zero when I hit enter. It really got rounded down to zero. You know, in all my life, it was the first time I felt that decimal points could be so cruel. It was like the 500 was forced to jump into a river. Not even a splash. Not even a trace left behind. It got trapped in the algorithm. I was really panicking at the time. I wondered how I was supposed to explain this to my boss. I thought, “Boss,” “Don’t be fooled by the zero,” “it’s actually 500.” “This zero can be spent.” “This is what you call pocket money.” What would my boss think of me? “Little Sun is really something,” “he’s even started using virtual currency.” Later, I really had no other choice. I could only put that 500 in the remarks column. And every time I woke up in the middle of the night, you know, I would always see that 500 questioning me, “Why can’t 500 be included in the calculation?” “Why is my work so meaningless?” I felt like all my efforts were just like that 500, disappearing with a single press of Enter. In the end, it made me seriously depressed. Later, I asked myself, “Sun Xi,” “If only you had spent that 500,” “wouldn’t that have been great?” “Then you wouldn’t have had to report it.” Even though the company would charge me with job-related crimes for it, but 500 yuan isn’t even enough to meet the threshold for a conviction. Even though the company keeps asking me to pay back the debt, with the workload in our department, it’ll probably take decades before they get to me. I can even imagine, decades from now, some clueless kid just like me finding me and saying, “Grandma, it’s your turn to pay back the money.” And we’re all really curious why you only took 500. Then I’d proudly tell them, because my biggest wish was for someone to notice this 500 yuan. Then I’d give the 500 back to them. They’d take out their computer and log the 500 back into that debt register. A new pocket money fund would be born. Then I’d see the look of shock on their face, and I’d lean in and say, “Why don’t you spend it too? Just think of it as New Year’s money from Grandma.” That’s all for my story, thank you everyone. Countdown to Sun Xi’s ticket lock. Let’s give another round of applause for Sun Xi. Sun Xi, why did you choose the “spear” group when you were dividing into teams? Because I started learning stand-up comedy pretty late, and I felt there were so many things I wanted to express, things to express and fight back with, things I’d held in for many years. This happened to me ten years ago. I remember when I watched movies before, they’d say, “When you can’t stand it anymore, you don’t have to endure it any longer.” So I wanted to make stand-up comedy my spear, and talk about all these sad things. I really like it. I think she told a story like a dark comedy film. It kind of reminds me of Ning Hao’s works. Like “Crazy Stone”. Something similar to that. So when she mentioned things like those “8 a.m. hooligans”, I could really picture it in my mind. I think it’s very satirical. And very humorous. She also had another point that I also found really funny. But I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to ask this. Actually, what I want to ask is about Teacher Luo. Because she was talking about paying back money, right? When she mentioned a group of Calabash Brothers, I thought at that moment whether Teacher Luo had some experience with the Calabash Brothers. Teacher Luo is the one who was surrounded, like the grandpa, right? At the peak, there were over a hundred lawsuits going on. So we had over a hundred calabashes. But we, as people with a conscience, shouldn’t be doing business. So it turned into we are definitely not the grandpa. I think those hundred or so are the calabash grandpas. And we feel especially guilty. But when it comes to actually handling things, sometimes you have to use some tricks. For example, when he comes to file a lawsuit, we have in mind who to pay back first, and who to pay back later. But with this lawsuit, after it’s over, you might not be able to control the pace. But our confidence is that We paid back everything we owed. Yes, yes, yes. But the purpose of that wasn’t to default. It was to pay off this company first. So we deliberately delayed the other one. At that time, they also thought we were pretty shady. But actually, we weren’t. So back then, a lot of “Hulu” people came. They were all “Hulu masters.” And we kept apologizing to them. So I haven’t had the chance to experience the kind of situation you described. But I guess you also haven’t had the chance to see our kind of situation. Right, right. Later, when I listened to your “Zhen Huan Zhuan,” I was especially moved. Actually, when I was collecting debts, the Smartisan phone had just launched. I even bought one. At that time, I felt I needed a Smartisan phone. I bought the T1 and T2 models. I even bought an M1 for my mom. Three phones in total. So I was really sad you didn’t give me a “light shot.” But you should have told me earlier. But you’ve already succeeded in making me feel really guilty. So only someone who’s suffered losses can say something like this. Yes. Impressive. Come on. Sun Xi. Right now, because on stage two of the Laugh Friends’ lights are off, so you have to accept the challenge. Let’s take a look at who is going to challenge Sun Xi for the mic. Which friend is it? There are two. Alright, Sun Xi, I’m actually quite close with Second Brother. I studied in Dalian, and he also works in Dalian. So I’ll choose Second Brother. Thank you, Second Brother. Second Brother is here. Alright. Let’s go. Second Brother. Go for it. You got this, Second Brother! Good evening, everyone. I’m Second Brother. My main job is as a firefighter. Thank you, everyone. Audience on the second floor, please pay attention to safety. When I got the call from the director asking me to come record the show, I was really excited. You know, this is my first time recording a show. My most direct impression is that the show is run very professionally. Whether it’s the setup of the escape routes or the number of fire extinguishers, everything is very reasonable. You know, I’ve always been working as a part-time firefighter— No, a part-time stand-up comedian. Everyone got goosebumps just listening to it. A lot of people suggested I do this full-time. They said my main job is very dangerous. But honestly, I feel that stand-up comedy isn’t exactly safe either. Because in our main job, the benefits are actually really good. All our uniforms are issued to us. Underwear, socks, everything. They’re all issued as well. The camp environment is also quite nice. Every time I finish dinner, I always go to the balcony on the third floor. With the sunset, I start to reflect. I start to wonder, which pair of underwear is actually mine. So I asked Maodou, since you used to be in the navy, did you ever have this problem too? He said, “My underwear could be used as a sail.” Maodou and I are both from Dalian. Actually, I’m just like Maodou. At first, my dad also wanted me to join the navy. Back then, I didn’t want to be a soldier. I was afraid of hardship. I even thought about burning myself with a cigarette. to threaten my dad. You know, my dad was really upset when he saw that. Son, why go that far? Dad doesn’t understand you. If you’re not afraid of getting burned, you should join the fire department. You know, when I joined the fire department, I have to mention my good comrade. Monk. Why do we call him Monk? Because it sounds better than calling him Baldy. Monk has had it pretty rough. You know, as firefighters, there’s very little room for error in our work. If you make even a small mistake, it can easily lead to danger. Monk, just because he accidentally wore someone else’s training shoes, ended up getting athlete’s foot. I handed him a tube of athlete’s foot cream. He said good brothers should share their blessings. He didn’t even think about it. How would I even have athlete’s foot cream? You can applaud now. You know our management is strict. We’re not allowed to use our phones after lights out. One day, after lights out, Monk’s phone suddenly vibrated and rang. My squad leader came in to check the dorm. He was just about to answer. This guy is quick-witted. He propped it under his chin. My squad leader laughed. He said, “Do you take me for a fool?” Monk laughed too. Maybe the squad leader was right. The phone was confiscated. Monk came to me, looking unhappy. He said, “Second, you have no sense of loyalty.” “When the squad leader came, couldn’t you have warned me?” I said, “I have no sense of loyalty?” “Didn’t I call to warn you?” You know, Heshi is the life of our team. He brings us a lot of joy. Sometimes, even while we’re working, he still makes us happy. I remember one night, a large factory caught fire. After the main fire was put out, we advanced with two hoses from opposite sides, putting out the remaining flames. Heshi and I were on one hose. I was helping him with the hose. The two of us moved forward like that. At that moment, Heshi maybe because he was nervous, his helmet suddenly fell off. Then, with his big bald head exposed, he went to pick it up. You know, firefighters are very sensitive to light at a fire scene. They’re very sensitive to light. The hose operator on the other side was very experienced. With one blast, he knocked Heshi to the ground. Heshi is a real man. Wherever he falls, he gets right back up. He went to pick it up again. This action completely infuriated the other hose operator. He clearly increased the pressure. Heshi was lifted off the ground. He got up and started cursing. He said, “Are you done yet? We’re all on the same team!” You know, in the air, the speed of light… We’re all on the same side. I said that while lying on the ground. At that moment, the water gun guy across from me called me on the radio. He asked, “Number Two, can you handle it?” There’s a flash of fire over there. Can you guys put it out? I said, “That’s Buddha’s light.” Wait until he puts on his hat, then take him out. That day we worked all the way until dawn. When we walked out of that factory, the shooter behind us, the guy with the water gun behind us called out to me. Shooter. Which shooter behind us? He said, “Sorry, Monk No. 2.” Look, he used the water gun to make a rainbow for the two of us. I said, “How romantic.” Are you done yet? You know, I’ve been a firefighter for many years. My family often asks me, “You’ve been a firefighter for so many years, tell us what was the most dangerous and scariest thing you’ve ever encountered?” Usually, I tell them the story in detail. I remember very clearly, it was the fifteenth day of the seventh lunar month, one night. It was the Ghost Festival. We received a call for help, saying an old man got lost while visiting a grave. After getting this call, we quickly arrived at the foot of the mountain where the old man went missing. Our captain is extraordinary. He made a very detailed and thorough plan. He spoke with great presence and authority. “Comrades, follow my command!” “We’ll split into three teams!” “But there are only two paths.” Division of tasks Monk and Second, you two take the middle route. There’s no path in the middle at all. The middle route is hard to get through. The monk was in front, I was behind. The two of us trekked over mountains and through rivers. It exhausted me. Suddenly, we came across a grave mound. The monk started waving his arms and dancing. What are you doing? I thought maybe we ran into a sorcerer. But as a firefighter, I have to stay calm and composed. At that moment, I didn’t even dare to move. It felt like I was paralyzed. Second, hurry over and help me! A big spider got on me! I said, you’re not a monk, you’re just a demon monk. You know, when it comes to fire safety, I’ve always thought prevention is more important than extinguishing. Nowadays, a lot of people don’t have any awareness of prevention. They also lack awareness about escaping. Speaking of young people these days, sometimes they’re addicted to the internet. They like playing games. At first, sometimes they feel the fire isn’t that big. They take a look, and think it’s nothing. “I’ll finish this ranked match before I leave.” If you leave too late, all you’ll have left is your rank. I remember one time after I finished giving a talk in a community I said that when escaping smoke prevention is very important for us adults, if you inhale three or four big breaths it’s very dangerous an old man suddenly stood up I’ve been smoking for thirty or forty years those three or four breaths are nothing to me I said, sir, you should trust the firefighters the old man got even more worked up when he heard that I trust firefighters the least once, I got lost when visiting a grave the firefighters couldn’t find me I ended up coming back by myself I was scared out of my wits when I got back I saw a monk performing rituals at the grave Thank you, everyone Four lights Everyone please vote for Second Brother’s performance Let’s give another round of applause to Second Brother. Second Brother, I’m really curious to know from the end of the first round of the competition until now, what happened in between? Because it’s still about firefighters, and this is the second time. I really liked it last time too, but I remember I didn’t press the light, right? You didn’t. I remembered that too. Yes. He remembered. He teases you. I hope these words can make you feel a bit better. I didn’t sleep well when I got home either. Thank you. And today, your whole performance was outstanding. I pressed the light without any hesitation. And I was really happy. Also, we usually say that for stand-up comedians, we talk about whether their punchlines are sharp or not. He doesn’t even need punchlines, and it’s still sharp. He’s sharp from start to finish. It’s just his vibe. I really love it. Thank you, teacher. So adorable. I want to ask about the sharpest moment, the first big laugh of the whole show. That sharpest point. Was that a slip of the tongue? It wasn’t planned, right? You know, I’ve always been a part-time firefighter. No, a part-time stand-up comedian. Yeah, I misspoke. Shanghai audiences are very tolerant of firefighters. Really. Thank you. This is called “eating screws” (slipping up while speaking). His fans are called “snail noodle fans.” And then, That’s great. I think he has that “er ren zhuan” vibe. Because I haven’t seen this kind of thing in years. It feels especially familiar. Because he has a really funny point. He says things so righteously, about something that sounds really serious, Yeah. Then suddenly he says something silly. Right? And then that thing, can instantly flip the mood. It’s really so much fun. Actually, I just want to relax and share our firefighters’ stories with everyone. Because nowadays, a lot of people when they mention firefighters, they all have seen some pretty intense videos online, some tragic videos, and think our lives are just like that. But actually, in our daily lives, the bond between us comrades, and our everyday life, we also joke around and have fun. Honestly, coming on stage to talk, I just want everyone to see what a real firefighter is like. Maybe a lot of young people will want to join our team too. That’s it. I think he used a move that was especially risky. It was when he talked about going to find the old man. Then, as I was listening, it just stopped. I wondered, where did the old man go? Actually, in the middle, while waiting for the old man, I got distracted for a moment. But he came back quickly. The old man came back. Yes, the old man came back. Where did the old man go? I think Second Brother’s performance this time was much more impressive than last time. This time was excellent. There has indeed been a very significant improvement. Last time, we let everyone learn about some aspects surrounding this profession. But this time, we started to understand as firefighters, the happiness of people in this profession and the life they share with their comrades. Yes, yes, yes. You and Maodou are in the same club, right? Yes. Maodou, how was Erge’s performance today? Erge’s script was really, really difficult. Right now, Erge is still working at the fire station. And the fire station has had tasks recently. He only managed to squeeze out a little time to work on this script. So today can be considered a really great job. Come, let’s thank our club teammates for their encouragement. As professionals, especially since they still have to work, and on top of that, being firefighters, which is a very special profession, so under a lot of pressure, they produced such an excellent script and gave such an outstanding live stage performance. Let’s give another round of applause to Erge. At the same time, let’s also invite Sun Xi back to the stage. After Erge and Sun Xi’s performances, It’s the other way around. Let’s take a look at the number of support votes each of them received. Please take a look. Second Brother scored so high. Impressive. Second Brother received an extremely high 274 votes. Dun won again. A round of applause to congratulate Second Brother. He advances to the next round. Sun Xi has to stay in the waiting area. and continue waiting for the next results. Awesome. Part-time firefighter That was explosive The two of us are like water and fire I’m in the navy He’s a firefighter I’m even happier that Second Brother advanced Why? It was more unexpected Second Brother’s script When he tried it offline The effect wasn’t that good I was worried too Today, the timing and everything were just right Timing Timing is very important I’m even happier that I advanced myself Because in my heart, Maodou He was definitely going to advance He’s really, really good But the score was still so low It’s okay Every time she’s on stage Her powerful shouts Always hit me right in the heart It’s like someone pushed to the edge A little person’s rebellion Because relatively speaking Sun Xi hasn’t been in the business long I think she will have A long road ahead She’ll have to face these challenges herself Everyone “Stand-up and Friends” Season 2 Second round The first half of the Battle of Spear and Shield Ends here Meituan Flash Sale is super fast Advance one step ahead Next, let’s take a look At the list of those who advanced this round There are a total of 30 spots to advance in this round. Currently, 12 groups of performers have advanced. There are 18 spots left. 2 people from the Spear team have advanced. 10 people from the Shield team have advanced. The Shield team is currently in the lead. Friends from the other team, keep working hard. Once again, congratulations to everyone who advanced. For those who haven’t performed yet, we believe you can bring us an even more exciting performance. When we talk about stand-up comedy, it’s both a spear and a shield. We hope the spear and shield can bring new strength to our lives. Would you like to experience the joy of live stand-up comedy shows in person? A new round of nationwide stand-up comedy tours is about to begin. Follow your favorite performers and make a wish for the city you’d like to see them in. Your favorite comedians might show up right in your city. The competition is still ongoing. Tune in again at the same time next week. See you in the second half. Bye-bye. We’re about to go on stage. Let’s rehearse one more time. It’s just that I eat well. Wait a second. How do we start smoothly from the middle? Don’t worry about it. Just pick up your lines. Okay. Watch me eat. I only eat sun-ripened tomatoes. I only eat Qiehuang instant noodles. Why are you sneaking in your own stuff here? Just say it. If I give you Qiehuang, will you eat it or not? I won’t. Eat. I’m eating Qiehuang. After all, every cup of Qiehuang has about one sun-ripened tomato added. Rich and sweet-and-sour. Truly flavorful. Tomatoes are a treasure. You can’t go wrong with Qiehuang. Alright, alright, hurry up. Let’s eat a bit after the performance. No joke. Meituan Flash Sale is arriving soon. Thanks to the service that’s faster than ever, the next-generation shopping method, Meituan Flash Sale. Title sponsor. Tomatoes are treasures, Tomato King is always right. Thanks to the sunny tomato inside, jointly sponsored by Tomato King. Making life happier. Thanks to the national liquor, Old Village Chief. Special sponsor. 96 times milk gold. Endurance comes from protection. Thanks for protecting babies as they grow and shine, a2 Ziyao HMO infant formula. Sponsored broadcast. Get your energy back, Pulse is back. Thank you to Pulse, which helps you regain your best state anytime, anywhere. Industry sponsor. Chatting calls for Lay’s. Share deliciousness, double the happiness. Thanks to Lay’s, crispy chips and endless fun. Sponsored broadcast. Truly, truly, truly funny. Truly, truly, truly organic. This program is triple certified. Haitian Organic, truly organic. Sponsored broadcast. This round is called the Battle of Spear and Shield. Currently, in the Spear camp, 2 groups of actors have advanced. 10 groups of actors have advanced in the Shield camp. The 12 with the lowest votes will, after this round ends, say goodbye to this stage. Who would dare? Draw a ball, just draw a ball. No one is volunteering. It’s okay. We have a very clever setup. It’s called the Destiny Box. “Talk Show and Their Friends” is awesome. Welcome, everyone, to the second season of “Friends and Their Talk Show.” Each group of friends has their own secret mission. Is Xiao Qi’s mission to deliberately be a terrible host? Is your mission just to mock me? That’s our lifelong mission. I’ve found my mission. Is Haha Cao’s mission What’s wrong, Brother Cao? Let’s move to the next part. Physical version. Charades. Titanic. That’s right, next one. Beard. Xiang Zuo. Blow air at me. Bad breath. Sitting and waiting for doom. Today, you all have been doing this all day. This can’t be aired, none of this can be aired. Dizzy. He said his own symptom.