EP5-2 FULL：Một cuộc đấu tay đôi khốc liệt! Thu Thụy vs Cao Hàn | STAND-UP COMEDY

EP5-2 FULL：Một cuộc đấu tay đôi khốc liệt! Thu Thụy vs Cao Hàn | STAND-UP COMEDY

Currently, there are four teams in the Spear camp. They have finished their performance. Meanwhile, there are five teams in the Shield camp. They have also finished their performance. The upcoming matches will be even more exciting. Before him, I was never so fascinated by anyone’s anger. I feel a special sense of liberation. Is this my gift? My birthday hasn’t arrived yet. I really regret not taking a picture of this lamp. No joke Meituan Flash Sale Arriving soon Thanks to “A Sunny Tomato” for being part of this Jointly sponsored and broadcast by Eggplant King Welcome, everyone, to “Stand-up Comedy and Friends” the second stage of season two This stage is called the Battle of Spear and Shield Earlier, we asked each performer Is stand-up comedy your spear or your shield? Based on their answers 42 stand-up comedians were divided into the spear and shield teams As you can see the top row is the spear team and those seated in the bottom row are the shield team Currently, the spear team has 4 groups who have completed their performances while the shield team has 5 groups who have performed So far, only one from the spear team has advanced As for the shield team four groups have already advanced The upcoming matches will be even more exciting Now, the next to take the stage is a friend from the spear team This person is quite interesting He is often very angry He even gets so angry that people can’t quite understand it Let’s give a warm round of applause to Qiu Rui, who got angry in a fit of rage Qiu Rui Hello everyone, I’m Qiu Rui. I really am someone who gets angry easily. Sometimes when that temper flares up, even I can’t understand myself. When I get insomnia, I get really anxious. I start scolding myself. I say, weren’t you super sleepy at work? But now you can’t sleep in bed. At times like this, I message friends who often have insomnia. They don’t reply. That makes me even angrier. Even you have fallen asleep. At that moment, I kind of understood Su Shi. I wanted to call Zhang Huaimin. My colleagues know what I’m like. When it’s time to write scripts for the show, to create something relatable, they leave the guests with bad tempers to me. So the ones I get are all rappers, music critics, and sharp-tongued influencers. I was stunned the moment I walked into that meeting room. I thought, have I already gone to hell? Originally, this opening bit was written for a rapper. So why didn’t he end up performing it? After I read it to him, he asked me which label Zhang Huaimin is with. I can’t work with these hot-tempered people. They even argue with each other. It’s my first time seeing two rappers insult each other face to face. I was standing on the side, and honestly, I didn’t really want to break them up. I just wanted to ask them, why not just release a diss track? I’m not trying to stir up conflict. On the contrary, I think the best way to resolve conflict is to have a competition. In our stand-up comedy circle, why is it easy to manage us? Because we have rankings. Before there were any shows, when we only performed offline, we also looked down on each other. I always asked, why does Hulan always get the closing spot? But after competing for a few years, Hulan has always been my best brother. With the rankings there, you just have to accept it. Maybe you don’t accept it for a year, or two years, but if you still don’t accept it after seven years of competition, in stand-up comedy competitions, Hulan is about to become like Zhuge Liang capturing Meng Huo seven times. People like us, every time we compete, we get defeated. After defeating you, he lets you go. He gives you a year to prepare. And then defeats you again the next time. I think Zhuge Liang was kind of insulting. Before capturing you, he even helps you revise your script. He has plenty of competition experience. When he helped us revise our scripts, he even encouraged us. He said it was fine, and told us to relax. I didn’t even have a script yet. When I checked his computer, it really was empty. So I went drinking with him. He stayed up all night at home. The next day, he absolutely killed it on stage. At that moment, I felt like I’d been tricked. The legend of the empty script. This time, coming to the competition, I kind of understand Meng Huo now. It’s like his mindset on his seventh expedition. Is winning or losing really that important? Honestly, once you let go of winning and losing, your perspective broadens. You all know that in the past two years, there’s also a show on the other side. A lot of people think that we have to fight to the bitter end. Like it’s a life-or-death battle. That’s something for the bosses to worry about. As a performer, I just feel that there’s another opportunity to switch jobs. Before, you had to go through open auditions to get on the show. This year, they canceled all of that. Anyway, if you don’t let me on, I’ll just go to the other side. This year, being on the show even comes with a bonus. Each extra round means another month’s year-end bonus. I don’t know if the other side gets a bonus. But I think if my segment airs, the other side will definitely get one too. We need to make the bosses compete. That’s when life gets good. The best years we had were when the big internet companies were fighting each other, right? Like with shared bikes, and ride-hailing app battles. Who ever cared who won or lost? I downloaded both apps. I even thought their battles didn’t last long enough. It’d be great if they kept fighting until I die. Now I really hope they start competing in healthcare. So when I’m on my deathbed, one side shouts, “Get a kidney transplant for just 600 bucks—dreams come true!” The other side says, “Cancer treatment for 2,000, no appointment needed!” A third company gets desperate, waves their hand, and says, “Watch a 30-second ad and you can come back to life!” You always focus on things like taking taxis and eating out. You target the areas where I spend money. That’s so boring. Why don’t you break into real estate? Bring down the housing prices for me. If you sold me a house for six bucks, even if it’s only half-built and abandoned, I’d still say, I’ll finish the rest myself. If you sell houses at that price, would you still need to flee abroad if your business fails? Anyone would give you a bowl of rice if you showed up at their door. You’re not like the boss of that group-buying app. If he came to my house to beg for food, I’d make him invite 500 more friends. Stop lecturing us workers all the time. Telling us to have a sense of ownership. I don’t want to be an owner right now. I want to be the fisherman. The fisherman in the story of the snipe and the clam. Anyway, if it’s just up to me, there’s no way I can afford a house. All I can do is wait and see what happens. Thank you all, I’m Qiu Rui. The ticket-locking channel for Qiu Rui is now open. Thanks again to Qiu Rui. For the performance he brought to everyone. Love Qiu Rui. I really like Qiu Rui. Every time, Qiu Rui is especially satisfying. You know? Just listening to him feels so satisfying. And every time, Qiu Rui’s little pointy chin— It’s like a guitar pick, you know? He just snaps at others. But is he really quick-tempered in real life? I think he is. I could write several more pieces. I suggest you try keeping fish. Watching fish more will make you feel at ease. Because fish are calming. Sorry. But the main point is, after enduring all this, you’ve grown again, right? Alright, alright, you’ve grown. But I really hope Qiu Rui keeps entertaining us like this. Is that okay? Looking forward to your next script. Amazing. Okay. Alright. I really like Qiu Rui. It’s just that he seems to find fault with the whole world. He can’t stand anything. Yeah, he doesn’t accept anything he sees. Yeah. But I think before him, I’ve never been so fascinated by anyone’s anger. He even brought out a certain dark side of my humanity. Don’t say that. Take it easy. It’s kind of like that. So every time, I look forward to him. I really like everything he talks about. And the way Qiu Rui gets angry actually, on the surface, it seems like he’s just mad at himself. But all the things he gets angry about are more or less common frustrations in society. Yes. It’s about the current state of society. That’s what makes Qiu Rui truly impressive. I think Qiu Rui did a great job today. He solved a problem I had before, a confusion I had in my mind. Like, in what kind of situation can an inside joke be considered too inside and still be acceptable to us. I think what Qiu Rui just did was totally acceptable to me. He was actually focusing on Hulan and the “Seven Captures of Meng Huo” story. He kept circling around this point. But I could accept it because he used this joke as a tool. Through this tool, he made all of us feel like we were in it together. Every punchline included all of us. He didn’t leave anyone out. Sometimes we… The reason people resist an inside joke is because they feel that a few of you are laughing and I’m an outsider. That feeling of being left out is really unpleasant. So you resist it. But what he just did was really good. So I happily pressed the light. Yes. Okay. Today, I think he maintained his usual distinct personal style and high standard. The only thing I found odd might just be my own subjective opinion. I felt like it was a complete piece and when it was about eighty or ninety percent done, I was just waiting to press the light. But then it suddenly ended. I actually wanted to stay in that moment. Staying there might have been more fun. If you kept going, it would just be funny. But it wouldn’t be as interesting. You wanted it to be more meaningful, right? Yes, after doing so much comedy, you always want to say something profound. But I’m not worried at all. Yeah. Because you’ll definitely make it, I’m not worried at all. Just keep going, keep moving forward. Alright, let’s take a look at the 30 lights from the comedy group. Please look at the final vote count. Because we didn’t reach 290 votes so now the Shield Team will start the mic grab We’re about to start the countdown Someone stood up Come on Anyone else? If not, let’s go ahead He feels like he’s been waiting for him for a long time For Qiu Rui Qiu Rui thinks he really likes that it’s you Yeah, that’s right Because this friend is sometimes a bit odd and sometimes still a bit odd but always manages to surprise us and make us laugh Let’s give a round of applause to Gao Han Friends, and friends on the second floor, good evening. My name is Gao Han. I am a poor person. I was born in a rural village in Northeast China. So when I went to the county town for high school, I felt very inferior. I felt different from the kids in the county town. Because on the first day of school, my deskmate wore a pair of Nike shoes, while I wore a pair of Adidadadas. I’m not stuttering. That’s really what the shoes were called—Adidadadas. Then my deskmate started showing off to me. He said, “These shoes of mine, LeBron James has worn them.” I said, “That’s nothing compared to yours. Mine are brand new.” No one has ever worn them. I said, if someone else has worn them, you shouldn’t wear them. How dirty is that? But he was really dismissive. He said, Adidadas He said, these aren’t even Putian shoes. They’re fake Putian shoes. They’re fake fake shoes. I said, fake fake shoes? Doesn’t that make them real shoes? If you can wear them, they’re real shoes. In my mind, what counts as fake shoes? If I buy a pair of shoes and put them on at home, I say, They’re not shoes, they’re chocolate. That’s a fake shoe. But friends who often wear fake shoes should know if you wear fake shoes during puberty, your life is over. My deskmate doesn’t pay attention in class. He just stares at my feet. I really can’t tell if he just likes to compare or if he has a foot fetish. I don’t get why he cares so much about a pair of shoes. Why is he so obsessed? He said, Gao Han, I can’t stand fake shoes. Because sneakers are my faith. I said, what kind of religion is that? Shoe-ism. I admit I was really insecure back then. I was afraid he would look down on me. All I could do was act tough. I said it wasn’t about the money. I just love fake shoes. Putian is my Jerusalem. Thank you for telling me what Putian is. This was the first time in my life that I fell in love with a city because of someone. But deep down, I still knew that wearing fake shoes wasn’t good. I went home and told my mom I said, “Mom, some classmates look down on me.” “Can you buy me a good pair of shoes?” My mom said I was vain. She said, “Tell me,” “Who has ever succeeded because of a pair of shoes?” “Who has ever made it big because of a pair of shoes?” I said, “Maybe Cinderella.” Cinderella was so pitiful. Her mom was a stepmother. But what did my mom say? My mom said, “Son,” “We don’t compare ourselves to him.” “If we compare, let’s compare academics.” I said, “Didn’t you say not to compare?” Then my mom said something that I will remember for life. She said, “Son,” “Our family is just poor.” “This is how my life will be.” “So you have to study.” “Show the world” “what it means to rise from humble beginnings.” I said, “That’s right.” “What do I have to feel inferior about?” “I’m someone who can rise from a poor family.” “He’s just a privileged brat.” In that moment, I woke up. I swore I would become someone who rises from humble beginnings. The next day, I told my deskmate, “I’m not going to compare shoes with you anymore.” “I want to compete with you” “in the final exam results this semester.” I didn’t win. Because our grades were about the same to begin with. But he took extra classes. Only families with money can afford tutoring. Fate can change knowledge. I wanted to take extra classes too. But each class cost 100 yuan. If I wanted tutoring, I wouldn’t have money to buy fake shoes. After one class, I’d have to go barefoot. I wouldn’t be able to face the elders of Putian. Forget about shoes. If I took a couple more classes, I’d lose all my clothes and pants. I don’t dare to swim in the sea of knowledge. Because I’m afraid when the tide goes out, everyone will see who’s swimming naked. I really think this is ridiculous. One class is 45 minutes. It costs 100 yuan. You could say every minute is worth its weight in gold. Each class is like a piece of gold. He spends a lot of money. This big spender Is he targeting kids from poor families? I’m a kid from a poor family. He’s the executioner of poor kids. His family is really rich. Actually, he’s the child of a government official. He can rely on his dad. But who can I rely on? The more I think about it, the worse I feel. I just don’t get it, I feel like I’m not good enough for him. Competing with him in grades is like marrying him. It’s not just about two people. It’s about two families. So I feel like my deskmate maybe it’s not that he looks down on my shoes, he looks down on me as a person. Even if I wore real shoes, and told him that they’re real, he would still just say one thing: He’d say, “Really? I don’t believe you.” And I also tell this joke offline. There was a particularly kind audience member. He sent me a private message. He said, “Gaohan,” “You are so pitiful.” “I feel sorry for you.” Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m standing here and about to become a star. Why would you feel sorry for me? Besides, I’ve completely let go of this matter. It’s just a small thing that happened in that little county town. Now I’ve already left there. And his dad has gone in. That’s all for this story, thank you all. He is both naive and pure. And full of contradictions. But still reckless. I really like him. Gaohan’s ticket reservation channel is now open. Let’s give another round of applause to Gao Han. Gao Han just finished his first round. The story about how the chicken farm went bankrupt. That’s right. Then in the second round, he started talking about the fake shoes. Why did you choose this topic for the second round? It depends on my mood. I can talk about anything. I think in this two-person competition, I feel that Gao Han actually performed better. But there’s one thing, he handled the ending very well. When I was about two-thirds through listening, I actually started to feel a bit uncomfortable. But his final punchline completely broke that discomfort for me. I think that’s what stand-up comedy is about. That’s one of its best qualities. I was really looking forward to that punchline. So I think he really can’t help but make jokes. He has a quip for everything. Why is it that he stands up so decisively to challenge someone? Qiu Rui. I’m sleepy. Are you troubled by love or something else? Why are you sleepy? Just sitting there. Saying that listening to Qiu Rui made me sleepy. Is that what you mean? I said it last year. I’ve just been lying around all the time. My life hasn’t changed this year. I’m still just lying around. And I was recording here this afternoon too. I felt a bit tired. I just wanted to rest as soon as possible. I was always nervous there. I was just thinking, Will I be picked next or something like that? I just wanted to let go. Yeah. I understand. Yes, you summed it up very well. It’s hard to have a conversation with Gao Han. It’s okay. Teacher Luo. When I was listening just now, it felt like there were some issues with the breathing and rhythm. It didn’t seem especially smooth. Yeah. I was just nervous. I don’t know. I thought that coming up on this stage, since this is already my fourth time, but I’m still very nervous. I don’t know why. But your script is so strong this time. Why aren’t you confident? Because honestly, I can’t judge. I can’t tell if we can accept it or not. Yeah. Your script is of such a high standard. No. Teacher Luo You can’t just say what’s in my heart out loud. He just has this innate arrogance about him. I don’t know. Whether the audience can accept this or not, because I’m the kind of person that if I don’t get a response from the audience, the whole performance just falls flat for me. So I get scared too. For reasons similar to what you mentioned, some parts might not be especially smooth. In terms of performance, but the script is still unbeatable. It’s especially exquisite. But it’s not that bad, right? If you’re going to be so humblebragging, we’ll have to speak our minds. There were some lame jokes in the middle, like a bit of a bad apple, but surprisingly, it didn’t ruin the whole thing. But honestly, the script is really brilliant. It’s excellent. Yeah. As an audience member, I’m especially happy to see the rivalry between Qiu Rui and Gao Han. This kind of confrontation. Because in my mind, Qiu Rui is really tough, but I didn’t expect Gao Han to be even tougher. Gao Han is tough too. Yeah. So I think their competition together is really interesting. Another thing, actually, in the previous round, I noticed something about the way Gao Han speaks, his personal trait. His gestures and a bit of an accent. I was thinking, why does this feel so familiar? I’ve been searching through my memory, do I have a friend like that? Who? That person is called Li Ronghao. Really, the way he talks is just like him. Is that so? Li Ronghao talks like that. And he also likes to use some jokes. He also likes to joke around. I was really just defending myself. It was just self-defense. I was just nervous, that’s all. I wasn’t trying to attack anyone. Yeah, with your build, you couldn’t attack anyone anyway. What does Xiao Siye think? About Gao Han today— It’s because In the last round, he said he was a rich second generation. And I said I was a poor second generation. Then we competed, and I won. I didn’t expect that maybe he maybe changed his approach. It’s all connected. After going bankrupt, he immediately started wearing fake shoes. Wearing fake shoes. How old were you when your family went bankrupt? Six years old. Yeah, so strictly speaking, is he a rich second generation or a poor second generation? It’s a bit unclear. It seems like his financial situation really goes up and down. I’d like to hear from Teacher Haiyuan about your thoughts on Gao Han’s performance. Your thoughts on Gao Han’s performance. Gao Han has a very unique aura. It seems like he’s talking about his poverty, but in his script, there’s actually a sense of showing off. Yes. He’s showing off. The way he uses words creates a very unique aura. Impressive. Alright. Thank you. Thank you, Haiyuan. This actually happened to me in high school. It really happened. And I did feel inferior. Even now, I sometimes feel inferior. But I whether it’s the inferiority I felt before or the inferiority I feel now, I always tend to forget about it. Because I’m very happy now. I’m a poor person. But recording the show because we have to record the show I don’t know what he’s doing. But you still find it really funny. He usually talks like this too. Very high-profile, very cocky, very wild. But in person, he’s the kind of guy who looks sickly and lazy. They’re all impressive. But there will definitely be someone leaving. Come on, Qiu Rui. Please return to the stage. Qiu Rui and Gao Han in the votes from the comedy group were separated by just one light. Qiu Rui and Gao Han’s votes are respectively This is really hard to guess. Yes, but he has 10 more votes. Right. Who? It’s hard to say. Impressive. Three points. The closest. That was the closest one. A clash of the titans. First, let’s congratulate Gao Han on advancing. Qiu Rui needs to stay in the waiting area. And keep waiting. Qiu Rui. Impressive. Your hesitant vibe is just so charming. I’m a bit nervous now. Nervous. Good thing you came. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even have anyone to talk to. Gao Han surprised me a bit. That inspiration was really good. His performance was explosive. But I feel it wasn’t as good as previous years. If it were Qiu Rui from a few years ago standing on this stage today, he would beat today’s Qiu Rui. He’s basically calling me old in a roundabout way. Not roundabout. He’s just saying it directly. Next up, it’s another contestant from the Shield camp. Next up, it’s another contestant from the Shield camp. The next contestant is from Xinjiang. Last round, she impressed us as both cool and funny. Cool and funny. So this round, what kind of story will she bring us? Let’s give a warm round of applause for Xiao Pa! Thank you Hello, everyone My name is Xiaopa I am Uyghur Thank you I find Mandarin especially difficult Really I’m always trying to figure out what others mean What exactly do they mean There was a girl before She was in the bathroom She asked me Do you have bread Later I found out That “bread” meant sanitary pads But even to this day I still firmly believe That sanitary pads Should be called differently depending on the place In Xinjiang, they’re called Nang In Shanghai, they’re called Maybe bagels The problem now is My Mandarin has improved And I’m someone who really cares About what others say about me And how they judge me So in my daily life The sentence I fear hearing the most is “Xiaopa, I’ve seen your performance” Because I get really nervous I don’t know what they’ll say next What they’re going to say Whatever they say, I take it to heart I clench my teeth My jawline even becomes more defined I just stare at them like that If they even say, “Xiaopa, you’re okay” I immediately I’ve also been criticized and insulted before. Honestly, during that time, whether I was eating or sleeping, that person was always on my mind. I saw him whether my eyes were open or closed. It’s so strange, why is that? He dissed me, yet I actually kind of miss him. My English is not bad either. I’m like this in my daily life too. Once, while shopping, I saw a bottle of face oil. It cost 3,500 yuan. My first reaction was, “That’s so expensive!” I thought, “If I can’t afford it, I’ll just try it out.” At least I can see what it’s like and broaden my horizons. After trying it, I realized that I loved everything about it—the texture, the packaging, the scent. I really liked it all. But I still couldn’t afford it. So I started to feel a bit inferior. Just my luck, the salesperson asked me a question. He asked me, “How do you feel about it?” How do I feel? I felt like a scumbag whose guard had been broken. I just wanted to play around at first, but I ended up getting attached. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t worthy of it. So the next thing I had to do was badmouth it. He asked me how I felt. I couldn’t tell him that I was poor. No money, right? I could only tell him I said, “This thing of yours is just average, nothing special. No one in our village uses it.” I was already planning to leave. Feeling guilty. Of course, before leaving, to save face, I even left behind a typical jerk’s promise. I’m sure you’ve all heard that line before. I said I’d look around and come back. But the salesperson was really experienced. He saw I was about to leave. He pointed at my face. Looked into my eyes. And said to me, “I noticed you seem a bit…” And then he… He wasn’t finished yet. I started to get really nervous. But then I thought, Think about it, everyone. I make a living by talking. If he dares insult me today, I’ll roast him right back. Not only will I roast him today, I’ll even write a joke about him. Then I’ll take that joke and perform it on stage. Make money. And buy that face cream. I had it all planned out. So I just stared at him. But unexpectedly, He pointed at my face, looked into my eyes, and said to me, “I noticed you kind of…” look like an idol.” And I just… Wrap it up. For three generations in my family, no one has ever used such luxurious skincare products. If I really have to say, maybe someone in my family might have used skincare products just as precious. The only one I can think of is the Fragrant Concubine. This face cream, it has magic. Let me tell you, I haven’t even unscrewed the lid yet, let alone put it on my face. Just holding it in my hand, it already starts to heal me. It’s not even my skin that it’s healing. It’s healing my fragile self-esteem. I’m especially sensitive to what others say, and I easily doubt myself. If someone used to tell me, “Xiao Pa, I don’t think your jokes are funny,” I might lock myself in my room and cry all day. But ever since I held this face cream in my hand, if anyone dares to say to me again, “Xiao Pa, I don’t think your jokes are funny,” my first reaction is always, “My face cream costs 3,500.” I want to show off. I want everyone to know, even the Fragrant Concubine. But I’m too shy. Because showing off is embarrassing. I also care about what others think of me. So when it comes to showing off, it’s just like having a secret crush. I’m afraid others will notice, but I’m even more afraid they won’t notice. So I can only that night, when I posted on my Moments, I put that face cream in a spot that was both obvious and not obvious. The caption could only say one thing: “The wind is a bit noisy tonight.” This face cream, I only use it on my face. Because I think as long as my face looks good, that’s enough. The neck doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I have plenty of turtleneck sweaters. So attentive friends can also notice my approach to looking better. It’s basically making one part of my skin look good first, then covering up the other part. Just some simple surface work. Spending money where others can see it. Seriously, every time I use this face cream, I’m not exaggerating, I look in the mirror and use my jawline as the dividing line. I only use it on my face. If one day, by accident, I zone out while applying it, and it gets on my neck, that feeling is so uncomfortable. It’s as uncomfortable as if I had put it on my neck on purpose. I’ve worked hard to learn Mandarin for so many years just for this moment, my friends I’ve run out of face cream To be honest, on my skin there isn’t much visible change to the naked eye I kept wondering why and later I figured it out This whole “saving face” project is doomed to fail I reflected deeply I wondered why I would so recklessly fall into this consumerist trap Because these capitalists who promote consumerism they really know how to talk Oh my god I can’t even imagine my parents talking to me like that When I wanted something as a kid at home I’d say, “Mom, I want…” Before I could finish my mom would say, “What do you want that for?” “Why are you so troublesome? Why don’t others want it?” But when a capitalist opens their mouth they say, “You deserve it” But be careful, every word from a capitalist has a hidden price tag. At home, harsh words can chill you even in June. Outside, a kind word costs 3,500. When I used to work at a company, as long as my boss said a few nice things near my ear, just a couple of kind words, a little praise, I would work like crazy. Work overtime, not even daring to mention overtime pay. Money? What money? I lived just for positive feedback and cashback. Some people also ask me, “Xiao Pa,” if you see through all these traps, so clearly, would you still buy such expensive face cream? I’ll never go to the counter to buy such expensive face cream again. I’ll use Meituan Flash Sale instead, it’s more convenient. I can get it in just 30 minutes. This sentence also has a price tag. Someone advised me, “Don’t care so much about what others think.” How is that possible? The world I’ve seen since I was little is all about caring what others think. Snow White’s stepmother the most powerful person in the whole story, no one dares to deny her. But she cares about the opinion of a mirror. Yet I still envy her. She may care, but she dares to point straight at the magic mirror and ask, “Who is the most beautiful woman?” I don’t dare. I long for others’ approval, but I’m afraid of being rejected. If I stood in front of that magic mirror, at most I’d just say, “Magic mirror, you go ahead and do your thing.” That mirror is a jerk too. It locks eyes with the queen, couldn’t it just say something nice and be done with it? But it insists on saying, “Snow White is prettier than you.” Always putting one down to praise another. What kind of magic mirror is that? At best, it’s just female rivalry. I tried to confide in my friends. About this very unhealthy mental state of mine. I always base my self-identity on how others perceive me. My friend looked at me and said, You know, Xiao Pa, you don’t seem like that kind of person. You look more like the kind of person who would kill someone. I didn’t expect your core to be so unstable. Who kills because their core is too stable, anyway? Those who can really kill also care about what others think. For example, emperors. Like Emperor Taizong of Tang. He also cared about Wei Zheng’s opinion. How much did he care? He even said Wei Zheng was his mirror. He even wrote “Using people as a mirror, one can see one’s gains and losses.” Such a sentence. When I learned this back then, in my mind there was just one image. Emperor Taizong running to Wei Zheng every day, “Wei Zheng, Wei Zheng,” “Who is the best emperor in the world?” I long for others’ approval. Only when others acknowledge me do I feel like I’m good enough. That’s why I work hard to show my best side in front of others. Honestly, today’s makeup took me three hours. I revised my script over sixty times. This is probably my fifth outfit. I really gave it my all. And then I stood on stage like this. But right before I went on, the director told me, “Xiao Pa, don’t care too much about what the audience thinks of you.” Then why am I even here? A stand-up comedy competition is all about the audience’s opinions and feedback. Because this kind of thing isn’t like a sports competition with objective standards for judging. Right? You’ve never heard of someone judging a joke by saying, “This joke is a perfect ten.” There’s no such thing. So of course I care. And it’s not just me who cares. Director, you care even more than I do. Because you put in all your effort to show your best side to iQIYI while presenting the best of Tencent Video. This kind of giving it your all and wanting to show your best side in front of the other person isn’t that also a form of love? So, for this duo’s name I’ve already thought of one Let’s call it the “Cherish Duo” Thank you all for all the laughter and applause today You can’t imagine how much this means to me how important this is to me But if you don’t laugh I might just die on stage But if I do die on stage don’t worry about it, okay? I don’t need CPR or defibrillation, or calling 120 or the ICU I don’t need any of that Just find two people with loud voices and have them shout in my ear “Xiao Pa, your jokes are hilarious!” Like a pop idol Thank you, everyone, I’m Xiao Pa Thank you This Uyghur shield has firmly held the line Xiao Pa’s ticket reservation channel is now open Let’s give Xiao Pa a round of applause. When Xiao Pa was choosing sides, why do you think stand-up comedy is your shield? Because I’m especially fragile. Really. Even though I don’t look like it on the outside, I’m actually really soft inside. I need something to protect me. I need something that I can hide behind. To get away from the world for a little while. On the surface, you really don’t seem like someone who cares much about what others think. I mean, on the surface. Yeah, but I actually care a lot. I really care, actually. You’re amazing. So amazing. You know, there’s a saying called “open up and embrace the world.” But she opens up and stings the world. That’s the feeling. Even though I like being recognized by others, I don’t dare to tell anyone. I hope others will acknowledge me. She was just saying there that I really need others’ approval. It’s especially powerful. I think for you, stand-up comedy is not just a tool. It’s a weapon. I think that’s really impressive. It’s truly great. Thank you. Just now, as I was listening to Xiao Pa give this feedback, I was thinking, for example, if you care a lot about others’ opinions, but you still go and like, check and listen to what others say about you. When I first started in this field, I would even secretly save the positive comments people made about me, taking screenshots of them in secret, and then putting them in a memo. That memo was called “Booster Shot.” So when I was feeling down, I could take it out and look at it. But it’s been almost two years now since I stopped doing this. Because there were people who criticized me, quite a few, actually. The reason I’m asking this question is that all of us might face this kind of negative feedback. Right. For me, I think I’m not as brave as you yet. Sometimes, I choose not to look at it. Because I feel it might affect my overall state of mind or my mood for the next few days. So I might just choose to ignore it and not look at it. But I think you’re probably braver than I am. Thank you. I think Xiao Pa did really well today. Very good. First of all, I think everyone we’re all the same. No one can truly ignore what others think. Right. So you just choose to follow the positive ones. That means you listen to those who give you encouragement and positivity. Yes. I think that’s an advantage too. Because I care about what others think of me. I care about both the good and the bad. Maybe for you, a single piece of feedback can knock me down. But if you want me to get back up, it only takes a couple of words. So I’m pretty resilient. I live with more flexibility. First, I want to say that when we say good things about you, you actually believe them. Right? I don’t want to hear the bad things either. She’ll put what we say in a folder. So I have to speak honestly from my heart. Her performance in the last round was the coolest I’ve ever seen on this stage from a female contestant. Thank you. Yes, that’s the truth. And as for today, I think the whole script was really good. And talking about, what’s it called, the trap of consumerism, this topic is also one I really like. But the reason I didn’t press the button in the end was because I felt it was a bit forced. It felt a bit rushed. Especially in the first half. That’s the feeling I got. So I hesitated for a long time and didn’t press the button. But thinking about it afterwards, I really regret not pressing the light. First of all, this is very high praise for Xiao Pa. Teacher Luo said he regrets not pressing the light. That’s really impressive. Thank you to the four members of the comedy panel for your comments. Xiao Pa brought us a performance that blew up the whole audience. So let’s take a look after Xiao Pa’s performance, whether she can advance directly. Please watch. Next up, friends from the “Mao” group, get ready for the mic grab countdown. We’re such a timid group. Let’s just wait for the lottery. Xuebing Xuebing Last time, Xuebing gave us an amazing performance and took a unique path Keep it up We really want to hear more of Xuebing’s thoughts on life Xiao Pa is taking a break Let’s welcome with applause Xuebing Hello everyone I’m Xuebing Hi, everyone I still need to explain something to you first This arm was injured in an accident when I was a child High voltage electricity So let’s not be nervous, okay? You all seem nervous It’s like we’re at a fundraiser Relax a bit That’s true Some friends get a bit nervous when they first see me I understand that Maybe it’s not just because of my arm I just look a bit fierce And when I talk I unconsciously like to frown Frowning makes me look even fiercer I’ve actually thought of some ways before To solve this problem I really wish That when I get on stage I could give everyone a cute impression That’s the method I came up with My performance in the last round was actually pretty good After I finished, I got off the stage An actor complimented me and said Wow, Brother Bing Your performance was explosive How are we supposed to follow up after such an explosive act? I said, it’s hard to follow, right? Back then, the doctors at the hospital said the same thing Today, let’s talk about work. Talking about work. I used to work at a welfare enterprise. I worked there for a while. For those who aren’t familiar, let me briefly explain. A welfare enterprise is one that is set up under the guidance of the civil affairs department, with the main goal of providing employment for people with disabilities, as its purpose. It’s a type of social welfare enterprise. The proportion of employees with disabilities cannot be less than 25%. And the number of people cannot be fewer than 10. To be honest, given the current trends in the stand-up comedy industry, the way it’s developing, I think in a few years, we could start our own welfare enterprise. After all, every year there are new slots for people with disabilities, right? So by then, the show could be called “Stand-up Comedy and Their Friends with Disabilities” or “King of Comedy: One-Handed Season,” right? Seriously, just thinking about it is exciting. By then, let Heideng be the chairman, Xiao Jia as the CEO, and I’ll assist the two of them, be their right-hand man, right? Ordinary companies actually look at your resume during interviews. Welfare enterprises are different. Welfare enterprises look at your disability certificate. They really are welfare enterprises. My disability certificate is much more impressive than a regular resume. It’s way more eye-catching. Forget about playing instruments or calligraphy at age three, or getting into Tsinghua or Peking University at sixteen. I touched high-voltage electricity at five. That’s pretty eye-catching. But actually, getting into the factory is easy. Getting assigned a job isn’t so easy. There really aren’t many jobs suitable for me. Most of them are manual labor. So the boss thought it over and over, and gave me a management position. He put me in charge of the workshop. I accidentally became a leader. Just like the saying goes, if you can’t do anything else, you can only be a leader. At first, I got a little carried away. I thought to myself, now that I’m a leader, won’t I have all the power? After working for a few days, I realized something was off. I was just a puppet. I didn’t have any real authority. Every day was just about running errands and passing messages for the boss. Later, I found out the boss had his reasons for arranging things this way. He had his own ideas. He thought that I might have something in common with the disabled workers in the workshop. We might have common topics to talk about. After all, we all have disability certificates. This is what you call “using the disabled to manage the disabled.” The boss said I was a good speaker. He asked me every morning to give a pep talk to these employees. To hype them up and shout slogans. But half of them are deaf and mute. Who am I even shouting to? The boss thinks fast. Maybe a little too fast. He told me to learn sign language. How ridiculous is that? He wants me to learn sign language. I said, “Boss,” “Aren’t you afraid that after I learn sign language,” “I might start a sentence and not be able to finish it?” To be honest, many of the jobs in the workshop back then were actually more suitable for people with disabilities. For example, deaf-mute workers— they were really focused on their work. They never gossiped during work hours. But when we chatted, our hands would stop working. At that time, the workshop used a piece-rate wage system. The idea was that the more you worked, the more you earned. It was supposed to motivate employees to work harder. But when everyone’s wages actually increased, the boss would secretly pull some tricks behind our backs. He would secretly change the calculation method. He would lower everyone’s wages back down to 3,000. Three thousand yuan wasn’t even enough to buy a bottle of face cream. Honestly, I have to say, our boss, when it comes to cost reduction and efficiency, really never discriminates. He exploits everyone equally. Our salaries just hover around that 3,000 mark, going up and down. After a while, it really feels like we’re at work, but actually trading stocks. At first, I didn’t get it. With such an opaque system, how could anyone work here for over ten years? Why? Why else? We’re all stuck here. The most relaxing time every day is lunch. Everyone sits together, chatting and having a great time. Honestly, it’s a really heartwarming scene. It feels like Yang Guo leading the Seven Freaks of Jiangnan on a team-building trip. Sometimes I really think, with our star-studded team, if we just lay down on any pedestrian street, wouldn’t we easily make 3,000 a month? But actually, if you think about it this way, that’s a bit narrow-minded. Compared to just making money, welfare enterprises also provide people with disabilities with the most important thing— which is dignity. Back then, in welfare enterprises, many people with disabilities found jobs that suited them. They became self-reliant and supported their families. Relying on their own hardworking hands, or even just one hand, and welfare enterprises also have another key advantage, which is tax incentives. One year, when many companies were struggling, and went out of business, our factory managed to survive thanks to the disability subsidies. We made it through. Now, things are going pretty well. The boss is also doing quite well now. He has plenty to eat and drink. This reminds me of a saying: “Those dressed in fine clothes must have supported people with disabilities.” Finally, I’d like to make an appeal. I think such a good policy shouldn’t go to waste, right? I still hope that in our society, there will be more welfare enterprises, and more job opportunities for people with disabilities. As long as you’re willing to take in these angels with broken wings, we’ll be your angel investors. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xuebing. We’ve got something going on here. Let’s give a round of applause to Xuebing. Ticket locking countdown. Another round of applause for Xuebing. When you chose your side, you picked the spear. I chose the spear. That’s right. Why? Because I think Actually, I’m not that young anymore. I was born in 1986. I’m almost 40 this year. I feel like the first half of my life was all about hiding myself. Or rather, I tried every possible way to hide myself. So that no one would see me. Because there was always that feeling, like a sense of shame about it. But after doing stand-up comedy, I figured things out. I think I want to live more bravely in the second half of my life. I want to break through my own limits. Be a bit more fearless. That’s amazing. The moment Da Laoshi hit the light, it was the highlight of the comedy season. I almost burst out laughing. Then Da Laoshi just went wild. I really laughed so hard my nose almost started running. That moment just now I thought, “That was incredible.” And also that part at the end was hilarious too. Talking about doing sign language, there was a beginning but no ending. And also, just now I was wondering, purely from a logical perspective. Because I haven’t learned sign language, if you only use one hand, is it like having the first half of a sentence but not the second? Or does it affect the radicals and components? For example, could it turn Xu Haolun into Yu Gaobi? Or is it that the couplet can only be signed for the first half, and the second half is missing? Could you explain this? Strictly speaking, with just one hand, some words simply can’t be signed. This bit isn’t that rigorous. He can turn tragic things into something that makes us laugh without any burden. That’s an incredible skill. Yes. And I think his scripts are very well-crafted. Extremely well-crafted. And as for Xuebing himself, since we are on stage, the four of us are like watching a drama series. After the setup in the first episode, we actually feel no pressure anymore. Plus, he himself is especially funny. Very approachable. So I think this was an absolutely fantastic competition. You also performed brilliantly in the last round. Thank you. And this time, you made even more progress than before. Because usually, when contestants compete, they tend to make the first round their strongest, the most explosive one. Then the second round is usually a bit weaker. But his second round was even stronger. So I look forward to you getting stronger and stronger as you go on. Alright, thank you. The key point is I think it’s empowering people and especially liberating Because in a lot of stand-up and jokes humor usually creates tension first and then releases it But you start off with this right away Right? Yeah It’s more direct Let’s give another round of applause to Xuebing Teacher Zhang, I want to say one more thing Go ahead, Xuebing Let me just say one last thing I think for our Spear team, let’s cheer ourselves on Let’s boost our morale We are the spear What is there to be afraid of, right? We have to take on their shield Right? Hope everyone can give us more support later, okay? Alright Xiao Pa returns to the stage Let’s take a look at the Spear team and Shield team and see if the results or situation will change Let’s check it out at the voting results for Xiao Pa and Xuebing Xuebing should win We think Xiao Pa will win Xiao Pa I think it’s very accurate. Alright, go back and take a seat. Congratulations to Xiao Pa for getting 274 votes. Successfully advancing to the next round. Xue Bing, 266 votes. An excellent result. Let’s give another round of applause to Xue Bing and Xiao Pa. Here I come. Salute (Welcome) That’s amazing. That’s amazing. Setting a great example for us. That’s fantastic. Very good. There are indeed many employees with disabilities who feel like they’re not capable. I’m not confident. I also hope that through this speech I can show a confident attitude. Let them know that we’re not lacking in anything. As long as we have confidence and work hard, in many fields I think we can all do very well. I hope to inspire them. So, because just now the Shield Team has advanced again. So once again, the Shield Team will send someone to compete. I really like this member of the Shield Team. Last time, it was just a tendon that helped him create an explosive punchline. Today, he plans to continue sharing his life with everyone. Let’s give a round of applause for He Guangzhi. Thank you Hello everyone, I’m Guangzhi Okay That’s enough Thank you all so much You are really enthusiastic Everyone can probably feel it The competition is quite anxiety-inducing Luckily, last year I learned how to drink Drinking really does make a lot of things become simpler I worry every day about where my stand-up audience is Turns out, they’re all in the drinks I really drank for half a year and was especially happy I went for a check-up and my thyroid nodules were gone but then I got fatty liver There’s nothing I can do I think now everyone works under such high pressure you can only choose between fatty liver and nodules one or the other But I can’t say it’s that absolute I also have colleagues who never wrong themselves and always vent their emotions They don’t have fatty liver or nodules But now they also don’t have a work contract I choose fatty liver because it sounds like a rich person’s disease Our boss has this disease He usually eats too much rich food because all the stand-up show cakes are eaten by him I was puzzled when I saw the boss’s report too. I said, aren’t we putting in our blood and sweat? How did it turn into “profit” for him? My friend said it’s simple. This process is called “pressing” or “squeezing.” I even recalled, I said, is this pressing a chemical reaction or a physical reaction? My friend said, this needs to be reported to the relevant authorities. Impressive. Thyroid nodules. Just hearing it sounds like a “wimpy” illness. Feels like this person is bullied every day. And doesn’t even dare to vent. Of course, friends with nodules, after hearing this joke, don’t get upset. Otherwise, the nodules might grow. I had a physical examination. It was my colleague Fangfang who persuaded me to go. Because Fangfang’s health report had some issues. But he didn’t think about exercising. He didn’t consider seeing a doctor. He just wanted someone to share his misery. And about this, there’s no psychological burden at all. Because encouraging someone to get a checkup seems like such a good deed. If my results come back fine, then I can relax. If my results show a problem, then I can also relax. My health report was better than Fangfang’s. That made him feel even worse. He said, “Are you sure you don’t have any issues at all?” “None at all?” “Did you read your report carefully?” “Maybe you have a vision problem?” “Bring your report here and let me see it.” “Let me take a look.” “See, and you still say you have no problems.” You— are underweight. You’re doomed. If this keeps up, when you wear clothes, you’ll look even better than before. You must be curious about what Fang actually found out. That made him so worried. I don’t know about anything else, but his conscience is definitely gone. But I realized I can understand Fang. Like, why my report didn’t have any issues. Because the problematic ones, I didn’t show him. I was afraid if he got too happy, his illness might get better again. I have mild fatty liver. I realized that my first reaction after seeing the report wasn’t to see a doctor. I went to Maodou. That was enough. It really worked. Because with Maodou’s body type, he must have fatty liver. His fatty liver doesn’t even need a scan. A glance out of the corner of your eye is enough. And my peripheral vision can just catch it. I quickly called Maodou. I said, “Bro,” “the company health check,” “go get it done soon.” “Delaying it is bad for your health.” “Bad for my health, I mean.” He said he didn’t have time to go. I asked, “Then at your last checkup,” “what issues did you have?” He said something about thyroid nodules, sinus arrhythmia, and low bone density. I said, “Just those three?” He said, “Just those three I don’t have,” “I have everything else.” They’ve got everything. And even chasers. How should I put it… After I finished the call with Maodou, I opened a bottle of wine. I feel like my liver is just fine. Now when I drink, I only drink with fatty liver. No need for peanuts or sunflower seeds as snacks. Just some edamame will do. Maodou has severe fatty liver. Well, how do I say this… As long as he can still drink, I’m fine. He probably can’t outdrink me. If he can outdrink me, he probably won’t outlive me. He’s cursing me. You should just be happy. My thyroid is enlarged again. Maodou has been hurt too much today. I don’t know if it’s because of getting older. Now, every time before a physical exam, I get really nervous. The night before the checkup, it feels like my brain is gathering all my organs for a meeting. All departments, pay attention. Tomorrow, show me your best condition for the exam. If any of you get found out with a problem, I’ll have you operated on. All departments, clean up your own mess. But don’t overdo it either. Because over there, there’s already a bloody lesson learned. What a mess. But actually, the company’s health check doesn’t really detect many issues. Because I’ve noticed that company health checks only examine the main organs. In short, it comes down to one thing: as long as you can work normally, that’s enough. Of course, every company has different standards for being able to work. Some require a completely clean health report. Others just need the health report to show no major issues. When I used to work on the assembly line, as long as you could show up for the checkup, there was no problem. The package you buy for yourself is much more comprehensive. It even includes things like bone density tests. The company would never check that. Because low bone density doesn’t affect your ability to work. And from a management perspective, the bosses actually prefer people who are pushovers. When I got my bone density tested, it turned out a bit low. I guess I’m a bit of a pushover. Of course, you don’t really need a hospital test for that. You can tell just by watching meetings. It’s obvious. Our company is actually pretty decent. Besides the annual routine checkup, we even have one more item than other companies. For example, if we’re worried that the health check agency’s data isn’t accurate, then for our urine tests, we usually go to a specialized institution. We’re very cautious too. We’re just afraid someone might accidentally mess things up. And ruin the whole industry. What nonsense is that? I’m someone who gets regular checkups. I’ve even met people who never get checkups. I don’t know if around you there are people like that. I used to know a guy who played rock music. He hadn’t had a checkup in seven years. I said, “Man, you haven’t had a checkup in seven years?” “Aren’t you worried?” He said, “It’s fine.” “Rock never dies.” I asked, “Aren’t you afraid of getting sick?” “I’m not sick.” “It’s this era that’s sick.” I couldn’t keep talking. It’s really hard to imagine a rock musician going for a checkup. What would that even look like? He has to not care. If he cared, he wouldn’t be cool anymore. Like, if the doctor checks his blood pressure and says, “Your blood pressure’s a bit high,” you just say, “Isn’t that rock and roll?” But if you play rock and they find nothing wrong with you, that’s kind of awkward too. They scan you with the machine, not a single nodule. Dude, where’s your anger? I really think that scene was so out of place. Usually, it’s leather jackets, leather pants, and blonde hair. Every day, they’re super edgy. Always saying they want to take on the world. Flipping off the world every day. But once they go in, they find out there’s something called a rectal exam. If you watch closely, everyone who comes out from the rectal exam is a lot more subdued. That expression is just like a rocker after finishing “The Big Band” show. Before going, they all feel underappreciated. “Why am I so unrecognized?” But after coming back, they’ve got hemorrhoids inside and out. If you ask them what having hemorrhoids feels like, Pain. Itching. They rush to buy new pants. Thank you, everyone. He’s so good with words. This feels like a 290. Impressive. Champion. (Champion) Don’t. Come on. Don’t let it become just a slogan. Turn it into real action. Press OK to confirm. He Guangzhi’s ticket channel is now open. Let’s give Guangzhi another round of applause. At that moment, I was thinking, I said Wang Feng should go get a checkup. That’s hilarious. Someone asked him, “Mr. Wang,” “Have you been feeling tired lately?” Now I’m a bit tired. I originally wrote a joke about “bury me in the spring.” Something like that. Right? I just thought there would definitely be some funny extensions. So how did you pull it off? How is this joke so dense? Don’t you think Guangzhi has made a bigger breakthrough this season compared to the last one? I feel like he’s about to become a legend. No. I think he’s just super evolved. Completely transformed. I think He Guangzhi now in my mind is like a flashlight. When the room goes dark, wherever he shines, it lights up. You know? As soon as he says something, boom, it’s already bright. Why? Is he blessed or something? How is he so amazing? Because the things I talk about are actually all true stories. They’re all true. That friend who hasn’t had a checkup in seven years is right here in the audience. Brother Tian That’s Fang Xiaotian, the head of Overload Comedy. Then he told me he hasn’t had a physical in seven years. So I wrote him into it. Seven years? Is that true or not? Bro, are you serious? It’s true. Really true? Now it should be eight years, yeah. Last year it was seven. You should really get checked, man, it’s been eight years. Yeah. By the ninth year, you won’t need a checkup anymore. Because you won’t be around anymore. That’s wild. What’s up with this guy? He has trypophobia. He can’t stand hearing about it. It’s too much for him. Guangzhi is really impressive. If you listen to all the stand-up routines about medical checkups from everyone, you’ll find that everyone else says the same things. They just talk about imitating the checkup process. Especially when it comes to men’s checkups, they’ll mention for example, the prostate exam. Those actions are made to be funny. Guangzhi is the only one who starts from the checkup and then branches out into many different topics. And for each of those branches, he has his own unique take. It’s not just about punchlines, but also about expression. That’s really interesting. I totally agree with what Li Yuchun said. That is, it feels like Guangzhi has really evolved to version 2.0 or even 3.0. Yes. He’s already reached a level where he can do whatever he wants. Really. It feels like he can just speak off the cuff. Actually, this script is quite a lot of work. Did you ever think you would perform this well? If Teacher Luo Yonghao comes to watch next time, he might say your last performance was that good. But this time, Right. Actually, I was quite worried too. Because we worked on this script for a long time. The next performance might not be as good. That’s very possible. On our stage, he counts as an artist of the older generation. He does. It’s been so many years. Traditional craftsmanship. And we have a group of loyal fans of Guangzhi. They’ve always been upset that he never won the top prize. They feel it’s very unfair. Because in the history of this stage, those who have won the championship have been about the same level as Guangzhi, but none have surpassed him. No one. But we fans who love Guangzhi have had a concern for many years. That is, because you did so well in the “poor man” category, you were just too successful. So everyone was worried that after you became rich, this “poor man” category would be impossible for you to maintain. Yes. You can maintain it, but only if you shamelessly force it. So we’ve always been worried. Then, starting from the first show of this season, at the end of last season, he was already starting to transition. The first show, the transition was especially successful. And it was explosive. Then during the break, at the last recording, I congratulated him. Because he opened up a new chapter. And the performance was also very successful. Everyone knows Guangzhi is a gentle and humble person. But I don’t know what got into him because he said to me very bluntly at the time, “This is, for me this season, the worst script I’ve had.” Honestly, I was just bragging. Yeah. So, from the bottom of my heart, I truly admire you veteran artists. You can still achieve breakthroughs in your work. Even transformative breakthroughs. That’s really valuable. And I’m confident that once this gets out, online, it might even trend several times. Yeah. Absolutely. Because the jokes are so dense and clever. And I suspect the band Tong Yang really regrets changing their name. When I was young, Tong Yang was called “Painful Faith.” They changed it to Tong Yang halfway through. But after your bit spreads, I believe they’ll definitely regret it. They just shortened it for convenience. And now you’ve twisted it like this. They won’t sue me, right? What we care about most now is after Guangzhi’s amazing performance, whether he can advance directly. He made it, he did. Over 290. He’s definitely through. Don’t do a call out (mic grab) for this. That would be silly. Let’s check Guangzhi’s vote count. This script, for me, is a major breakthrough. So if it succeeds, it proves that even without the topic of poverty, I can still hold my own on this stage. 293 293 Oh my god. This direct advancement is so exciting. 293, oh my goodness. Dun is so fierce. The momentum is already there. Yeah. Impressive. Congratulations to He Guangzhi. 293 votes. Directly advances. Awesome, man! You’re the best! It’s all thanks to the coach. I think Guangzhi has given me a great example to follow. You shouldn’t be limited by your previous good routines. Don’t let them hold you back. Break free boldly. Guangzhi has always valued skill. He doesn’t value those so-called flashes of genius that come out of nowhere. He believes as long as his skills reach a certain level, even a passing idea that’s just average, he can refine it into something perfect. That’s why I really admire him for this. Why are they all shields? So far, Jiang Zihao is the only one on the spear team. The spear team needs to step up. The next contestant is also from the shield team. Everyone is familiar with this contestant. He’s a social media blogger. Last year, he focused on food reviews. This year, he’s expanded his reviews to cover a wider range of topics. Maodou Let’s give a warm welcome to Maodou Maodou Thank you, everyone. My name is Maodou. I do have fatty liver. I’ve had an ultrasound. They could barely find my liver. It was all fat. Last year, I said I was trying to lose weight. But I failed, yes. I said I was losing weight, and that unlucky platform really took it seriously. They stopped giving me any commercial deals. Now I’m both fat and broke. The director is also anxious. There’s a competition in Shanghai recently. The director told me, “Why don’t you try something new?” That thing that’s really popular in Shanghai lately, the Egyptian mummies. I said, “Shanghai is so trendy,” “the food is getting more and more diverse.” He wanted me to go to an Egyptian exhibition that was really popular last year. Has anyone here been to it? It was very popular. I just saw it a couple of days ago. How should I describe this exhibition? It was packed with interesting stuff. At first, they told me to go see the Pharaoh. I thought I was going to see a rapper. They told me to arrive at 10:30 in the morning. I thought, “Rappers get up pretty early.” I wondered, “Can the Pharaoh even get up?” He said, “The Pharaohs there usually don’t get up.” Suddenly going to the museum When my viewers open my video homepage they must get quite a shock Northeastern spicy hot pot Xi’an-style meat sandwich Egyptian mummies Maodou really isn’t picky about food And as for Egypt I don’t know anything What am I supposed to talk about? As soon as I go in, I have to introduce the Nile floods The only people I know are Lao Luo and Da Zhangwei I just wanted to find a tour guide. But I couldn’t get it reimbursed. So I followed behind another group to listen in. A guy in the back turned around and looked at me. Aren’t you Maodou? You’re also here sneaking into the tour? I’m from Dalian too. Everyone turned to look at me. It was so awkward. I quickly switched to another group. That tour guide was talking over there. He was saying that the pharaoh inside the Khufu Pyramid was Maodou. I’m also from Dalian. I’m in Shanghai. I barely meet any people from Dalian in a whole year. But here, they’re all studying pyramids. In the end, I still paid for a tour guide. I only know three things about Egypt. Pharaohs, pyramids, and the Sphinx. So I asked the tour guide. But the word “Sphinx” got stuck in my mouth. I said, do you have that… lion head? He said, sir, are you hungry? The tour guide was really professional. But that guy loved to interact way too much. He was explaining Egyptian paintings. They had declined for a long time since the Middle Ages. When did they revive? Come on, Teacher Maodou. You tell us, when did they revive? I said, last year? The painting showed Egyptians sitting by the roadside drinking beer. I said, I was shocked when I saw it. I said, is this painting showing Julu Road? Who knows what he was asking about? He asked about that Egyptian coffin, what the eyes mean. I said it means reincarnation. Wrong. I said it means wisdom. Wrong. He said it means “to see.” I said, what’s there to ask about seeing? Suddenly being called on startled everyone. He said that Egyptian pharaoh Tutankhamun had political struggles with his father. He almost got killed several times. Then he suddenly asked a kid in front of him, “How is your relationship with your father?” The kid was startled. He said, “My relationship with my dad is pretty good.” It wasn’t a wasted trip for me. I even helped them solve a world mystery. They said the face color on the Egyptian coffin was always painted randomly blue, red, yellow, all sorts of colors. They studied it for a long time, but no one knows what it means. I said, “You don’t even know this?” Dou Erdun with a blue face stole the imperial horse, Guan Gong with a red face fought at Changsha. There were so many people at that exhibition. Shanghai is really cosmopolitan. There were even Egyptians coming to see the exhibition. It was like fellow countrymen meeting each other. They came to pay respects to their ancestors. They were watching and taking notes at the same time. I said, “Isn’t this like The Lost Tomb?” They even said that many celebrities have come to see it. To see the mummy. There’s really no sense of liveliness in the entertainment industry. The most infuriating thing was a couple. It was so annoying. Right in front of me. As they were looking, they suddenly kissed. I wondered, where did you even get that mood from? Seeing the mummy’s dry mouth Okay Most of them are elderly men and women Some of the old men don’t really understand They just love to argue The guide says This pyramid was built in 2000 BC The old man says that’s impossible In 2000, I watched the news and they didn’t report it You explain to him for ages about BC and AD but he’s still confused The old man is usually in the park He’s only interested in the price He keeps asking How much could this sell for? How much could that sell for? I tell him, these are all cultural relics This one could get you 10 years in prison That one could get you life The old man is too stubborn He says these must all be replicas His wife says they definitely aren’t So she goes to ask the security guard The guard says they’re all authentic The old man says, what does a security guard know? You can see all this for just over 100 yuan What a bunch of junk It makes me angry just hearing it My show tickets are just over 100 yuan too The older ladies are much better They’re not interested in relics They just take photos and videos They use beauty filters on the mummy Big eyes, slim face, smooth skin For that mummy They edited it into a “mummy auntie” Don’t say mummies look skinny. They really do look good in photos. The pharaoh is lying over there. No, no. I suggest everyone visit a museum. And seriously, get a guide. You can learn a lot of important things. For example, the Egyptian sun god worship ceremony was basically everyone going out to sunbathe together. Africa. I’m glad I didn’t live there. With how much I sweat, I’d dry out faster than the pharaoh. This knowledge is very important. Because sunlight is very important. It’s needed for every cup of Tomato King instant noodles made with sun-ripened tomatoes. Even more important, only with enough sunlight can they be sweet and tangy. Tomatoes are treasures—Tomato King is always the right choice. This exhibition is about to close. They said that in the last few weeks, there have been no days off. It’s open 24 hours a day. That’s Shanghai for you. The pharaoh enslaved others his whole life, and finally got his retribution. It’s really scary. Watching this at 3:30 in the morning, you can’t even be sure if there are actually visitors in the exhibition hall. This exhibition is really well done. Because these artifacts are very valuable. Because tomb raiding in Egypt is a serious problem. Just think about it— the pharaoh put all his gold and treasures, and his whole family, all inside a giant triangle over 100 meters tall. For tomb raiders, it’s like shopping at a supermarket. They don’t even have any need for a stone door. He should’ve installed a sensor door, right? As soon as you go in, the whole pharaoh’s family— Even the last pharaoh would just take burial items from other pyramids and use them for himself. It’s like a second-hand marketplace. It’s bad enough just to rob tombs, but Europeans used to eat mummies. This is a true story. There used to be thousands of them. They ate so many that only a few hundred were left. They didn’t treat pharaohs as leaders, they treated them as snacks. I was shocked. I said, if you go to Egypt, just eat some seafood. Why would you eat someone’s ancestors? Their bread, maybe it used to be called a stick. After adding a pharaoh, it became a baguette. In my eyes, these are all divine or royal powers, right? Supreme and untouchable. But to them, it’s nothing special. I really don’t know if they believe in science or not. Tell them the pharaoh has eternal energy, impossible. The pharaoh has a deadly curse, that’s just superstition. But if you say the pharaoh is nutritious, then I have to try a bite. Finally, when I came out of that exhibition, I was so hungry just from looking at everything. The director showed me all the footage and let me watch the whole thing. I said, maybe we should just cut it. I looked like a fool the whole time. The guide was explaining that the mummies weren’t just pharaohs, there were also ordinary people. I was standing next to them, and I said, “There are also legal persons.” I said, let’s just film food from now on. The director agreed. He asked what I wanted to eat. I said I wanted to buy some crispy beef in a baguette. Thank you, everyone. I’m Maodou. Here we go. The countdown to Maodou’s ticket lock has begun. Let’s give another round of applause to Maodou. Maodou, you are— You went out just to get material for your writing. That’s right. And you even got tenosynovitis. Not tenosynovitis. Tendinitis. It’s just that my Achilles tendon got inflamed. It swelled up. Art tripped me up. Every time Maodou performs, I feel like my whole body— every cell in me is laughing. You know? It just feels so joyful. Maodou from Egypt is my idol. You’re my idol, okay? What really attracts me to Maodou is that no matter how noble or sophisticated you are, even if it’s something everyone worships, he’ll just bring it down a notch for you. He brings it down to earth. He makes it relatable to all of us, turning it into something we all talk about. That’s what I like most about him. He can break down any sense of elitism. I really love that. Mr. Luo, what do you think? About Maodou this time, he was unbeatable. Yes. The energy on this stage as, how should I put it, as a comedian, his energy can be compared to that of a rock singer. Only you and Jia Hao have that. Their kind of energy is like a bulldozer. And I think the script this time was a breakthrough. When you first debuted, we were all amazed. Like with the marinated intestines bit. But back then, there was a misconception that you could only create based on real life. Now, creating based on observation is no problem for you. That’s very valuable. Your future is limitless. Thank you. Dou, why are you up so early? Dou, why are you up so early? I want to watch Pharaoh. I’m checking stocks. I’m checking stocks. Qiu Rui What are you tinkering with? The competition is about to start. I’m revising my script. Stop revising, let’s go have a drink. I haven’t finished revising yet. Besides, I’ve already gone on stage. Hu Lan’s empty script plan worked. No matter what you drink, I’m not going with you. What if it’s Uncle Lao? Uncle Lao liquor? The people’s baijiu, Uncle Lao. Truly pure grain liquor. Tastes good and doesn’t give you a headache. Makes life happier. It has to be Uncle Lao. Good liquor, good friends. Happiness is right here. By the way, Did you finish your script? I finished revising it. Uncle Lao kept me company while I revised it yesterday. It turned out awesome. You finished writing? Come on. Let’s give a warm round of applause to Maodou. Let’s check Maodou’s live vote count. Alright, Team Mao. Starting the mic-grab mode countdown. Little Fourth Master You two You two are impressive. Little Fourth Master and Xiao Qi Xiao Qi, tell us your reason for challenging first. We are Team Mao. Jiang Zihao looks so lonely. Feels like he’s all alone. And I really like Teacher Maodou. I’m also from the Northeast. Alright. The reason is the same. I just think we need to be a bit braver. We should be braver. So now, Xiao Qi and Xiao Siye, your choice is I choose Xiao Qi. Xiao Qi. You can do it! Let’s welcome with applause Xiao Qi.